The Random Scene Thread

Basically I'm bored
So I'm going to put some canon and some characters from this site into funny situations
Most of these are stolen from places on the internet so meh

--

I need an adult! (canon)

Harry (1st year) - So... can I help you?
Snape - No... *strokes harry's face* but maybe I can help you...
Harry - Uh... I need an adult...!"
Snape - I am an adult. *kicks harry in the stomach* By the way, I only hit you because I have pent up aggression against your father. So take that.

Hagrid - We need to get you to Dumbledore!
Harry - Huh? Why?
Hagrid - So the old man can touch you and pull things out of you, you didn't even know you had!
Harry - I... need an adult...?
Hagrid - I am an adult. NOW DO AS I SAY FOR I HAVE A BUSHY BEARD!
Harry - Uh... what?
Hagrid - Just go!

McGonagall - Professor Dumbledore, another first year to see you.
Dumbledore - Oh! Please tell me you didn't let him inside!
Harry - Hello Professor Dumbledore.
Dumbledore - Oh God Damn it!
Harry - Professor Dumbledore sir... my friend Hagrid that you can help me by... touching me..."
Dumblefore - Do I look catholic to you?
McGonagall - Sir, I think he means he wants you to unlock his full magical powers.
Harry - Yeah, that.
Dumbledore - Fine. Stand still. *places his hand on Harry's head* It's your first time, so I'll be gentle.
Harry - I... need an adult...?
Dumbledore - I AM AN ADULT! *magical lightshow*

--

Thwartin my plans (canon during horcrux hunting)

Voldemort - So what are you doing?
Harry - Oh... nothing... you know... just flying around
Voldemort - Flying around?
Harry - Flying around.
Voldemort - Thwartin my plans?
Harry - Thwartin your plans?
Voldemort - Are you?
Harry - No.
Voldemort - Good, cus that'd be bad.
Harry - How bad?
Voldemort - I'd have to kill you.
Harry - That's bad.
Voldemort - Indeed.

*Harry and Neville are about to stab a trapped nagini with the sword of Gryffindor*
*Voldemort appears*
Voldemort - HI!
*Harry and Neville hide sword behind their backs*
Voldemort - WHAT'S UP GUYS?!
Neville - I'm never going to get my moment...
Voldemort - So what are you doing?!
Harry - What am I doing?
Voldemort - What are you doing?!
Harry - Nothing much...
Voldemort - Thwartin my plans?!
Harry - Thwartin your plans?
Voldermort - Are you?!
*Harry and Neville share a look*
Harry - ... yes.
*long pause*
Voldemort - I'M GOING TO F*CKING KILL YOU!

Young Tom Riddle's Plan

Riddle - *mumbling in his sleep* First immortality... then the bitches...

--

The Real Fight at the Atrium

Dumbledore - It was foolish of you to come her tonight Tom.
Voldemort - *turns around and slaps his ass* Kiss my ass bitch, I'm immortal!
Dumbledore - O_O

--

Voldemort disciplines Lucius Malfoy after the DoM affair

Voldemort - You know... it's at times like this I only have one thing to say to you.
Lucius - Yes my lord?
Voldemort - BITCH SLAP!
Lucius - Oh snap!
Voldemort - *bitche slaps lucius*

--

Heroic Speeches

Harry - Stop this!
Voldemort - Oh hello little child.
Harry - I'm here to stop this senseless slaughter of my people.
Voldemort - 92
Harry - This has gone on for too long and now you're going to pay!
Voldemort - 355
Harry - I am... I am... what are you...?
Voldemort - No no, go on, continue, don't mind me
Harry - And... I am the one who will stop you!
Voldemort - Oh! Wow! 419!
Harry - That's it... what the hell are you doing?
Voldemort - Oh sorry, it's a little hobby of mine. I hear these heroic speeches so wearily often so I started making a mental list of how many times I've heard certain lines.
Harry - You... you insane bastard!
Voldemort - 190!
Harry - Yeah...? Well... er... I'm going to... F**K your FACE!
Voldemort - Hohoho! Oh my... 12.
Harry - Grrrrr...
'Neutral Goblin' - This wasn't part of our deal!
Voldemort - And 500! Bellatrix! Show them what they've won!
Bellatrix - Avada Kedavra!

--

Technical Support

Harry - What do you want?
Voldemort - Ah good sir! I suppose you could say I'm looking for... technical support.
Dumbledore's Ghost - Haaaaaaaaaarrrrrrry! Do we have a visitor?
Harry - Yes sir...
Dumbledore's Ghost - Haaaaaaaaaarrrrrrry! Take his coat.
Voldemort - I don't have a coat.
Harry - He doesn't have a coat sir. And I believe this is the man who has basically killed our entire student body.
Dumbledore's Ghost - Haaarrry. Don't take his coat.
Voldemort - You see I recently acquired a length of knobbly wood you people call "The Elder Wand", but I'm having trouble getting it to do what I want.
Harry - Did you try working the balls?
Voldemort - ... classy.
Dumbledore's Ghost - Haaaaaaarrrrrrry. What does he want?
Harry - He asking how to use the knobbly wood we call "The Elder Wand".
Dumbledore's Ghost - Did you tell him to work the balls?
Harry - Yes sir.
Dumbledore's Ghost - Good work Harry.
Voldemort - I have the distinct impression you're going to be difficult.
Harry - Well sir, if you're having a problem with our customer support you can call 1800 - EATA - DICK.
Dumbledore's Ghost - I don't even have one of those anymore!

--

Voldemort's True Powers

Voldemort - You have no idea of the true powers I possess...
Sirius - It's that you have horcruxes right?
Voldemort - I have hor-... Ok, when and how.
Sirius - Regulus told me.

*flashback*
*Awkward dinner at Number Twelve*
Regulus - So... Did you know that Voldemort has horcruxes?
Sirius - Huh... that right?
Regulus - Yeah. And Lucius is gay.
Sirius - Really?
*End Flashback*

Sirius - And then I gave him a wedgie and left the house for good. True story.

--

Voldemort is a singing sensation

*Harry, Ron and Hermione are facing off against Voldemort*
Voldemort - These Full young races with fires on there houses...
*Heroes share odd looks*
Voldemort - Millions of voices all silenced like mouses...
*Heroes back away*
Voldemort - Watching the cowards bow toward there new king... these are a few of my favourite things...
Ron - Is it just me or is he singing to himse-
Voldemort - No Nagini.
Ron - *is bitten by nagini* OW! This... is the worst pain... ever!
Voldemort - Oh really? Are you sure it isn't this? *gets nagini to bite again* Or this? *and again*

--

Voldemort is afraid of Bellatrix

Voldemort - Well done Bellatrix. You've done well. If you were a dog I'd scratch your belly. If you were a cat I'd give you warm milk until you started to purr but since you are neither of these things I-
Bellatrix - What if I was a giraffe?
Voldemort - ... What?
Bellatrix - Pretend I'm a giraffe. *husky voice* What are you going to do to me...?
Voldemort - ... I... I don't know... I... I suppose I would give you a nice massag-
Bellatrix - What if I was a goat? A DIRTY DIRTY goat? What would you do then?
Voldemort - I don't know, what did you want me to do?
Bellatrix - *creepy purr* Something that we'd both regret...
Voldemort - ... I've hired a pervert.

--

All of the horrible stories you've heard are true

Voldemort - I am the dark lord Voldemort! Ruler of the world! And yes, all the horrible stories you've heard are true.
Dumbledore's Ghost - Even the story about how you destroyed Durmstrang?
Voldemort - Even that one.
Dumbledore's Ghost - And the story about how Darth Vader killed Luke Skywalker's father?
Voldemort - That one is also true... from a certain point of view.
Dumbledore's Ghost - I heard you don't have a penis. This would make us kin *opens robes*
Voldemort - Okay! Maybe not all the horrible stories you've heard are true but a good percentage of the horrible stories you've heard are true.
Dumbledore's Ghost - Well... where is it then?
Voldemort - What the fuck do you want me to do?! Draw you a diagram?!
Dumbledore's Ghost - ... Yes.
Voldemort - Now then. Let's get right too it. We know that there were others here with you earlier. At least five of them. And since my death eaters and I have much better things to do than chance down some schoolkids, I wonder if you'd be so kind as to tell us where they are... I'm sorry! Where are my manners? I didn't say please! *uncovers face from hood*
Dumbledore's Ghost - So wait... is that thing your penis...?
Voldemort - ... No, that would be my face.
Dumbledore's Ghost - No wonder I got them confused. *high fives nearly headless nick*