Sweeney Todd - HR Style

The following is a non-profit fan-based parady. Sweeney Todd is not owned by anyone who posts here
Unless universal studies is actually Karma Black... I don't think she is so no, no one who posts here is an owner of Sweeney Todd

...

Plus I think it's considered public domain now

Anyway... take it away Briony!

Here is our totally awesome cast list, Congrats to all of you who made the cut, to those who didnt Sweeney will give you a complimentary shave, step into the chair

Sweeney Todd: Richard Romain
Mrs. Lovett: Briony Romain
Toby: Vincent Furtell
Judge Terpin: Jack Irvine
Beadle Banford: Arsen Salvator
Johanna: Willow Hartman
Sailor Boy: Jamie Curtail
Senior Perilie: Aspen Barela

No Place Like London

*Jamie Curtail, an eager young sailer, and Richard Romain, a rescued ship wreck survivor, are on a boat travelling the Themes*

Jamie Curtail - I have sailed the world, beheld its wonders, from the dardinells, to the mountains of Peru. But there's no place like London! I feel home again... I could hear the city bells ring... Whatever would I do? No there's...

Richard Romain - (interrupts) No place like London...

Jamie Curtail - (spoken) Mr Romain?

Richard Romain - You are young... Life has been kind to you... You will learn...

*The light catches Richard Romain's face, leaving him looking demonic*

Richard Romain - There's a hole in the world, Like a great black pit and the vermin of the world inhabit it, and it's morals aren't worth, what a pig could spit and it goes by the name of London. At the top of the hole sit a privileged few, making mock of the vermin in the lower zoo, turning beauty into filth and greed.... I too have sailed the world and seen its wonders. For the cruelty of men, is as wondrous as Peru. But there's No Place Like London!

*Jamie Curtail and Richard Romain disembark from the boat*

Jamie Curtail - (spoken) Is everything alright Mr Romain?

Richard Romain - (spoken) I beg your indulgence, Jamie. My mind is far from easy... In these once familiar streets I feel shadows, everywhere

*Richard Romain looks off into the distance*

Richard Romain - There was a professor and his wife... and she was beautiful. A foolish professor and his wife, She was his reason and his life and she was beautiful, and she was virtuous, and he was... naive. There was another man who saw, that she was beautiful. A biased muggle of the law, who with a gesture of his hand removed the professor from his plate! Then there was nothing but to wait! And she would fall! So soft! So young! So lost and oh so beautiful!

Jamie Curtail: (spoken) And the lady, sir.. did she succumb?

Richard Romain: Oh, that was many years ago... I doubt if anyone would know... (spoken) I'd like to thank you, Jamie. If you hadn't spotted me, I would be lost on the ocean, still.

Jamie Curtail: (spoken) Will I see you again?

Richard Romain: (spoken) You might find me if you like. Around Philosopher's Close, I wouldn't wonder.

Jamie Curtail: (spoken) Till then, my friend

*Jamie Curtail offers hand to shake. Richard Romain walks away*

Sweeney Todd: (muttering darkly) There's a hole in the world like a great black pit and it's filled with people who are filled with shit and the vermin of the world inhabit it...

*Fade to black*

Briony Romain:

(Spoken) A customer!

Wait! What's your rush? What's your hurry?
You gave me such a -- Fright, I thought you was a ghost!
Half a minute, can'tcher sit! Sit you down, sit!
All I meant is that I haven't seen a customer for weeks!

Did you come here for a lasagne, sir?
Do forgive me if me head's a little vague--
(Ugh! What is that?) But you think we had the plague! From the way that people, keep avoiding--
(No you don't!) Heaven knows I try, sir! But there's no one comes in even to inhale!
Right you are, sir, would you like a drop of butterbeer?

Mind you, I can't hardly blame them!
These are probably the worst lasagnes in London!
I know why nobody cares to take them,
I should know,
I make them,
But good? No!
The worst lasagnes in London,
Even that's polite!
The worst lasagnes in London,
If you doubt it, take a bite
Is that just disgusting?
You have to concede it!
It's nothing but crusting!
Here, drink this, you'll need it!
The worst lasagnes in London...

And no wonder with the price of meat
What it is
When you get it
Never
Thought I'd live to see the day
Men'd think it was a treat
Findin' poor
Animals
Wot are dyin' in the street!
Mrs. Romain has a lasagne shop!
Does a business but I notice something weird.
Lately all her neighbors' cats have disappeared!
Have to hand it to her --
Wot I calls
Enterprise
Poppin' pussies into Lasagnes!
Wouldn't do in my shop!
Just the thought of it's enough to make you sick!
And I'm tellin' you, them pussycats is quick!

No denying times is hard, sir
Even harder than the worst lasagnes in London!
Only lard and nothing more --
Is that just revolting,
All greasy and gritty?
It looks like it's molting,
And tastes like,
Well, pity
A woman alone,
With limited wind,
And the worst lasagnes in London!
Ah, sir, times is hard,
Times is hard!

((The Awkward Moment when I AM Universal))