J. J. Jones

Dimitri.

Really that one name says it all, and says nothing at all. My head hurts when I think of it all.

Its my fault really - I mean, if I had never kissed him then-then- then what? What would never have happened? I still could have ended up in the forest tonight, and I still could have...

Oh god. I almost died. I could have died. I should have died. I was almost killed by my -

Boyfriend? No, no, no he was never that. He's just a boy who would be, shouldn't be - I mean I'm not that interesting(not even a boy at all. He's a Vampire... a vampire, who drinks blood. Like my blood. Oh god, oh god what have I gotten myself into?)

Maybe I could just, just, just....

I don't want to stay away. I should stay away but I don't want to. I want-I want-

What I want scares me. I don't even know what it is and it scares me. I'm too young for this, for-for-for-

I could have died!

I should go to bed. Its late... but I don't want to. I can't. Everytime I close my eyes I see - I see-

Well I see him... but not the scary one, the one I should be thinking of. The one that made me want to stay away, so scared I couldn't think. That's not what I see. Its there but, but, I don't see it. I can't think of it. I forgot it almost as soon as it was gone.

What does that say about me?

No, everytime I close my eyes, think of sleeping I see that day by the lake, when whatever posessed me too... or the Ball, no matter what he said, he looked handsome at the ball.

Oh god! I am so screwed. Completely and totally, utterly no way out of it!

What are you supposed to do when the only thought in your head after being attacked, is how much you would really love to be comforted by your attacker?

I-I-I-

Oh god... I don't know what just... I was and then...

I think Cec...

No, no maybe it was just a dream.. a dream. A very bad, bad dream. Yes that is it. I shall wake up in the morning and, and, and my biggest problem will be my kind of boyfriend may want to drink my blood.

It didn't happen. No. no. no. no. no.

It did. I'm fine, everyones fine.

Fine.

Fine.

... Fine...

Whats wrong with me? Why can't I, I mean I could and now I can't...

Where are my words???! Oh my.

I open my mouth to talk and, and, and nothing is there.

What, why, how??

Maybe a I don't deserve to speak. I don't want to speak. If I speak then I would... could....

Who knew that silence could suddenly be so suffocating?

Things are getting better... sort of.

Though I can't help feeling that everyone is going to get in trouble for me.

Savannah, Karma... Ms. Mad - though I doubt the last one is as likely to get in trouble as the first.

They want to, to avenge, or whatever, what happenened but... I just do not think it is worth it. Those girls, those girls shouldn't - shouldn't get away with-with...

But what else can they do? Without proof or,or -

I just do not think what they are going to do is going to be alright, is going to be...

I just want this to be over with. I want...

I want to be me again.

I'm getting better - I think.

I don't jump at everything so much anymore. I still... sleeping is still, difficult, and there are still moment when I wish - when I do not want to...

But I guess for now. It is better.

Oh and I can talk! Well... sort of. It's not my voice - that's still gone, gone to who knows where and I'm not entirely sure its going to come back. But, well... at least there is a point to the magic.

They have found some sort of spell... or, I'm not entirely sure what it is - and I don't think it will work that well outside of hogwarts, but at least for now... I have something.

I do not feel quite so broken anymore. I guess it would be like a wheelchair for someone who has injured their legs.

It is something I guess. A step towards, something.