How May I Love You?

(In a random Russian hospital far far awaaaay)

Lex moaned softly in her sleep, muscles almost aching from the relief at the soft mattress that she had been lain on. She didn't particularly care where she was (after being heavily dosed with potions, she found herself not caring about very much at all), but was more curious. Lex rose her arms above her head and began to stretch her arms, and a sharp, fiery pain clenched her heart. Hissing, her hand flew to her chest, immediately snapping out of her blissful, hazy state of half sleep. That pain was familiar- Merlin, it was terrible- when had it happened-

And the memory came flooding back to her. She did not welcome it.

Biting her lip, she leaned up from her lying position and rested on her elbows. Was he here? Had he left?

Was she alone, again?

Lex's eyes caught sight of the green uniform of a Healer through the corridor. She could always ask- but...

She didn't want to seem pathetic. She didn't need him, she had already established that.

Kas ran down the hall, god, he'd only been gone -what less then five mintues? - and yet it was already too long.

He burst through the doors to the room only to freeze for a moment when he saw...

"Oh Thank God," he was gone running to the bed and pulling her into his arms. He didn't even care anymore "You are never allowed to do that to me again. You understand. Never. Ever. Ever. Ever."

Lex's breath hitched as he came tumbling into the room hurriedly, not completely surprised by the rush of emotions that made her throat close up at the sight of him. She just wanted to be with him again- why did she make it so difficult for herself? Why couldn't she get over it?

Would she ever be able to? Her stomach twisted uneasily at the mental silence that followed, not being able to come up with an answer to her own question. She opened her mouth to speak, but promptly snapped it shut as she was enveloped in a tight hug. Lex flushed a dark red, unsure of what to do. She had... well, much to her embarrassment, spent nights trying to recall this. Hugs. Touches. His voice.

"I-I" she stuttered nervously, before avoiding his gaze completely and watching her hands instead. "Sorry," she mumbled with an anxious ghost of a laugh.

Kas cleared his throat a bit and pulled back. He had forgotten for a moment.

"No I'm sorry - I shouldn't have..."

He rolled his shoulders and sighed.

"I'll leave you alone if that's what you want," he looked at his feet. "I just- I had to stay to make sure. I mean they said you'd be but... not until I saw it with my own eyes could I... I could never leave you not knowing you if you're okay."

Lex bit her lip, trying to control her shallow breathing- it hurt. Physical pain seemed somehow dulled now, though. It wasn't as poignant any more. She wrung her hands as he went about an apology and lifted herself slowly into a proper sitting position as he spoke. The woman had no idea where exactly this was leading to. Spur of the moment, she supposed.

"No, no- it's fine," she mumbled. More than fine. Hug me again. she pleaded silently, keeping a focused stare on her own hands. She had to do something. But she didn't know what, yet.

"No!" she said, a little too quickly. Her hand shot outwards to grab his, blue gaze meeting his since what seemed to be a life time. "I-I-" Lex stuttered, dropping her hand limply after a moment. "Can you..." unable to articulate the rest of her sentence properly, she tucked a lock of hair behind her ear.

"Just stay, for, just a bit?" Merlin. Could someone sound more pathetic than she did? Was it even possible?

Kas looked her over for a moment, his eyes hopeful despite himself. He was still worried the he would cause her more pain - after all this whole thing was his fault was it not?

But how could he deny her what she asked for? Particularly when it was the only thing in the world he wanted himself. More time with her.

"Of course," he sat back down on the bed, looking at her hand for a long moment before taking it. "Anything you ask."

Alexis let out a breath she hadn't realised she had been holding. "Thanks." she mumbled, nodding in gratitude.

Lex frowned down mildly at their hands, hers lay limply in his, and focused on the sound of her own breathing for a moment, attempting to steady her thoughts. "So," she began awkwardly, feeling her hand starting to become clammy- a nervous habit that she despised. God, sometimes she wished she could just- The woman shook her head at herself and laughed uncertainly.

"How have you been?" she decided to ask, tugging her hand away gently. He really didn't need to touch it when it was clammy. She bit her lip, realising exactly what she had just said.

He'd asked her to marry him, and what had she said in response?

How have you been?! Lex groaned inwardly- she just, didn't have a reply yet. What was she meant to do apart from stall?

"Its no problem," he said softly, "Really, anything you ask... Lex I'll do it; please know that, remember that."

He had forgotten yet again that he was trying not to push too hard. He didn't want to.. to..

"I've been... well I can't lie I've been better - without you..." he shook his head and pushed that train of thought aside along with the part that thunked at the fact that she had yet to give him.... any response to his question. Except for almost dying.

"But... work is good, the kids are, fun... things are good- I suppose."

He shrugged and glanced up at her from under his eyelashes, "And you?"

The woman nodded numbly at Kas' words. "Yeah," she murmured, watching her fingernails closely. He was so-

So everything she needed.

"Yeah, I can remember that." she repeated again, a small smile teasing the corner of her lips. Lex tried her best to banish it, but she couldn't bring herself to.

Her heart clenched painfully. She didn't want to cause him pain- not that terrible pain that spoiled his cheerful features now. Her hand instinctively reached to his, clamminess forgotten, and squeezed it softly."You know that..." she shifted so she sat properly, and lifted her gaze to his. It felt better like this. Looking at him properly. "You know that I want to say yes, right?" This time, her timid smile was definitely not disguised. It was all very slowly coming back to her. All of it. Everything he had said.

Every single word.

"I've been-" Lex frowned. What was the point in lying? "-not good." she finished. Not good, at all. Hurting. Barely managing. But that bit she could leave out. That wasn't lying, was it?

Kas's eyes light up a bit as he saw a smile start to tug at her lips. He didn't care about anything else, so long as there was a smile there, that was good enough for him.

"Did you?" his eyes light up slightly as he looked at her hopefully. He couldn't dare to... "Did you really? Don't... don't feel like you have to say that - I will live, I will. I just... I just want you to be okay. If you're okay without me, I- I will manage. I have a job now after all," he gave her a weak but impish smile, "I'm practically an adult."

He knew he shouldn't... he knew that he should just... but when did Kas ever do what he should. He leaned over and grazed her lips softly with his.

"I promise, if- if theres anything I can do, you'll never feel not good again."

"No, I-" Lex cut off and smiled weakly. "I really want to, honestly. I just don't...." she trailed off, not even understanding herself how to end her sentence. Why couldn't she? Why wouldn't she? "But, Kas." The woman paused carefully. "I'm not okay, without you." She laughed suddenly. "That's the whole problem." she murmured, rubbing the back of her neck. It was weird, Lex realized, that she had picked up some of his habits.

Lex breathed in shakily in anticipation of the kiss as he leaned towards her. It had been so long since she was able to-

She kissed him back softly, butterflies swirling in the pit of her stomach. She had missed those butterflies. Lex rested her forehead against his, palm resting on the back of his neck. "Marry me," she said, almost a whimper. "Marry me, and I promise I'll feel good for the rest of my life." she breathed. Never again, did she want to be separated from him.

Kas blinked once, not quite hearing her words. He titled his head one way and then the next.

"Mar-Marry..." slowly a wide grin started to spread across his face, "So thats a yes? Is that a -"

He didn't finish asking the question before he had pulled her close again, folding his arms around her and kissing her, letting all his emotions flow through her.

"I love you."

Lex nodded once, feeling a little woozy- and very giddy. "That's definitely a ye-" She began to grin, but was silenced by his lips. She kissed him back fevrently, arms wrapping around her fiance. "I love you, too." she murmured against his lips. Her hand slipped from his neck so that it lay lightly on his chest, over his heart. "And..." she trailed off, feeling a hot blush creep onto her cheeks despite herself, "I'll..."

Lex laughed again. "I want to." So, she probably sounded a bit insane right now, she realised. The poor man probably had no idea exactly what she was talking about-

The woman shifted so that she sat in his lap, and she kissed his neck softly. "I want to, now." Lex murmured into his skin, an impish smile playing at her lips.

Kas pulled back from her, blinking slightly.

"You want to..?" he frowned unsure where she was going, that was he was unsure until he found himself with a lap full of Lex. A Lex that was suddenly very interested in the skin on his neck. "Oh you want to.."

He blinked at her, trying to keep down his... excitment.

"Are-are you sure? You k-know," his voice was husky as her lips continued to wander. "You-you don't have to. D-don't think c-cause... I-I meant what I-"

Lex grinned a bit as she heard the realisation of what exactly she was talking about hit him, and continued to let her lips graze the skin of his neck, trying hard to not giggle at his stutter. "Yes," She murmured, but sighed and pulled back, a little reluctantly.

"I'm sure and I want to." she confirmed, eyes alight with both mischief and affection. "Do-" Lex frowned, and a dark scarlet flooded her cheeks. She hadn't exactly asked politely, had she? More pounced on him than anything else-

"Do you want to?" Why did she feel so childish? She hated feeling so... What was the word? Inexperienced?

"I know you meant it." Lex reassured him softly. "I just..." she trailed off uncertainly.

Kas didn't even wait for the rest of her words, swiftly and in one motion he turned around and brought Lex down onto the bed, laying across her, his weight spreading evenly and pushing her down into the mattress. He didn't even bother to stop and think about just where they were.

Brushing a stray piece of hair out of her face, he brought his lips down to hers, kissing her for a long moment, his tongue flicking out teasing her lips for entrance.

"If its you, Lex," he muttered against her lips, not willing to move even that far away, "Then always."

Lex giggled giddily, unable to stop the swirl of happiness that was making her feel almost woozy. She honestly didn't care that they were...not in the most suitable place, but they were together, and happy and wanted to. What else was there to consider?

Her arms stayed wrapped around his neck securely, scared that their proximity would be broken. She nibbled on his lower lip playfully, smiling against his mouth.

Lex paused for a moment, then drew back slightly. "Kas." She said, resting a hand on his chest as a signal for him to stop, expression suddenly grave. A corner of her lip turned upwards into a mischievous smile. "The door's open." she laughed.

She missed being with him so much.

Kas blinked slightly, his eyes distracted as she got him to stop. He glanced around him seeming to need physical evidence to fully understand what she was saying with out seeing...

"Well what do you know," he muttered slightly, his lips smirking upwards, "Who cares Hmm?" He joked nuzzling into the crook of her neck, letting his lips trail along the skin there. "But if it really bothers you..."

He didn't even have to look, merely grabbing his wand and flicking it in the direction the door closed sharply, and made a slight click as a lock slide in place.

"Better?"

Lex blew out a shaky breath as his lips wandered around her neck. She didn't even know how to... Oh God, what had she been thinking? She didn't- couldn't-

She shook herself vigorously. Don't panic. she warned herself, keeping a steady gaze on Kas. He would keep her anchored.

And he looked so...

Lex had seen him like this before, but she'd been too shy to really do much about it. The young woman grinned up at him. "Much better," she breathed, moving to kiss his neck. Feeling a sudden wave of confidence, she moved her lips to his ear and flicked her tongue out across it.

She paused, uncertain of his reaction.

This was all just guess work, for her.

Kas smirked slightly, as a warm feeling spread through him. He couldn't repress a shudder, a shiver that he felt in everyone one of her nerve endings as her lips moved over his skin. She was just so...

He groaned slightly, and pushed himself against her, his fingers trailing up towards the edge of her shirt.

"What do you say... we get a little moree..." his lips trailed along her skin again, getting closer and closer to the edge of her shirt, dying for the skin that would be hidden below it.

Lex nodded numbly, brain swirling. This was disorientating- having so much of him all in one go- it was like suffocating on paradise.

"I-" she mumbled, not even understanding herself where she was going with her sentence. Shaking her head at herself quickly, her hands hastily moved to Kas' shirt, her hands fumbling the buttons clumsily. She felt dizzy. Overwhelmingly giddy.

Grinning childishly, the woman continued to attack his neck with her lips while her hands continued to work at his shirt. Had buttons ever been this hard to do before?

Kas let out a breath little laugh against her skin, unwilling to move any further away from her when she was just so-so-so...

Running his hands along her arms, he grabbed her fumbling hand and guided them with the buttons with easy, his shirt disappear quickly, and hers going even faster.

"Lex," he groaned softly, his lips roaming the new option of skin before him, "Lex."