What If I Stay Forever?

The young girl leaned against the bridge, sighing as she looked out into the water. She could see her reflection in its glassy surface, she wasn't entirely sure she enjoyed what was blinking back up at her.

She looked too....

Jaded.

Harsh.

Broken.

She wondered if her mother would even reconize her. She wondered if she even cared anymore. Running a hand through her hair she dropped a rock that she had been holding in her hands into the water, glad to watch the image distort and disappear in the ripples.

Roman wandered contentedly through the streets of St. Petersburg. He decided that he would stay in Russia overnight. Maybe he could surprise Pieter with a visit. Then again, his parents were also dictators, so they'd most likely send him back home.

It's settled then, he thought as he began walking alongside a wide river, I'll stay in the finest hotel in the city, and order room service, and eat chocolate and pastries all night long. He smiled at the thought of food, but it vanished when those thoughts brought back memories of Faye's gaunt figure. How could he eat now when she was practically starving?

Roman sighed and headed towards a footbridge. He saw another person leaning out over the water. Once he had gotten closer to her, he realized that she went to his school. Of course, he had no idea who she was, but he'd definitely seen her before.

He watched her drop a rock into the water and frowned, "You know, you just wasted a perfectly good skipping stone." He shook his head disapprovingly, "Such a shame..."

Ashleen shook out her hair, blinking slightly and looking up only for a moment to glance at the boy before looking back down at the river, her image was back winking up at her.

"Hmm, did I?" her voice was soft as she spoke, still drifting in her memories. "I didn't notice - can't say I was ever so good at skipping rocks."

She blinked a couple of times before looking up at the boy.

"What you doing around here kid? Don't you have something... carefree and fun to do?"

Roman looked out over the water, his head resting on one hand, which was in turn resting on the bridge. "Yeah well, you've got to have a few years of experience under your belt until you can really get the technique right," the statement came out completely monotone, even though it was meant to be sort of a joke.

Looking at the water made Roman wonder what Faye would have done if she were here. Knowing her, she probably would have stayed at the exact center of the bridge, so the walls partially blocked her view. And she wouldn't have made a big deal about it either, she would have tried to hide it. He smiled down at the river, that feeling of hollowness returning to him.

"Not particularly," he brushed some dirt off of the edge of the wall, "I mean, I figured if I wandered around enough, I'd find something for me to do."

Ashleen feighned an interested nod, though she was sure they both knew they were just ... talking with no feeling in any comment at all, "Then I suppose its a shame I wasted my last fifteen years not practicing. What have I done with my life?"

Besides.. you know, ruining it.

Watching the boy she noticed his expression.

"Remembering something?"

"And instead you found me," she snorted and rolled her eyes. "Lucky you."

"Yeah," he said, looking at her with surprise, "And to be honest, I find it a little creepy that you know that." He frowned thoughtfully and looked back at the water, "Or I'm just terrible in social situations"

Roman shrugged, "I was looking for a distraction, and I got one. I call that lucky." Well, comparatively lucky.

He turned to the girl, leaning against the bridge, "So, girl-whose-name-I-don't-know... I'm Roman, by the way, what have you been contemplating lately?" He automatically assumed that when someone was standing alone on a bridge, they were usually thinking about something.

"No, I'm fine with being creepy," Ash gave a small grin that didn't quite reach up to her eyes, giving it a bitter sort of affect. "I just know the face; I make it a lot; the past is always... well maybe not better but..."

She sure did like it better than the future, even if that was supposed to be her own domain.

"Ash," She said a slight smile of amusement tugging at her lips, "Girl-who's-name-you-don't-know is Ashleen."

She frowned slightly. She wasn't even sure how to begin to desribe what she was contemplating; if she was even allowed to. There were certain rules but....

"Tell me Roman," she said after a moment, her voice drifting with a absentminded quality, "What did you want to be when you grew up? What was your childhood dream?"

Roman nodded, "No, I know what you mean. It's like, the past already happened, so you don't have to worry about making choices or... or think about the future." The future. That was something Roman almost never thought about. Every time he did...

He frowned when he heard Ash's question, "I... I don't know. People have always planned that sort of thing for me. I guess... I guess I always liked the thought of being a teacher, especially in something like weaponry."

Wait, what did that have to do with anything? Roman frowned again, wondering what was up with this girl.

She nodded her head at the boy slowly, "Thats a good dream, a practical dream... I like it. Do you still want that? Or have your dreams turned more.... simple? Or more grand in nature?"

She looked over at the boy and smiled a bit at her expression.

"I sound insane to you, don't I? You can't see where I'm going with this, but I promise... I may still be insane, but I have a point..."

Ashleen sighed and looked out towards the water again.

"When I was little, I had one very simple dream... no specifics, no jobs... I just wanted one thing, " she began to play with the end of her hair as she turned back to Roman, "I wanted to be exactly like my Father."

"Well, they're simpler, I guess. A lot simpler. I just want to stay with my girlfriend, get decent grades, and not be disinherited." He realized how that sounded and turned to the girl, "I'm not as much of a delinquent as I sound. I promise."

Roman smirked at her, surprisingly correct, statement, "Okay... Well I suppose I'm curious now as to what that point is, but I'll wait until you make it."

He followed her gaze back out to the water, "And what sort of man was you're father?"

Ashleen smiled slightly, "I am as much a deliquent as that sounds... but those sound like good goals; simple goals. I'd make some like that, if I could even dream of them actually coming true."

She snorted, shaking her head slightly.

"He's tough, strong - doesn't let anything get to him. I felt safe with my dad," she said thoughtfully, "Thats why I want to be like him; I didn't want to let anything get to me."

She sighed, "It wasn't until I got what I wanted that I realized it wasn't any fun being my father... that my father wasn't a very good man at all."

Roman laughed a little, "What can I say? It's a bit of a stretch, but I like to be optimistic." He began scratching at a piece of moss that had started growing on the bridge, "Or at least, I like to pretend to be optimistic. But it's probably the same thing."

He continued to stare at the water as he listened to Ash, "Wow, that's... that's kind of sad." He couldn't really think of anything else to say on the matter.

"If you hope, then I think you count as optomistic," she said thoughtfully. "I miss being optomistic... I think I met far too many diappointments to bother with such an outlook. I envy anyone who can maintain it."

Ashleen nodded her head, "It kind of is, but thats my life now - I suppose you just roll with the punches and move on. Play with the hand your dealt, and any other corny metaphore one could think of that fits."

She snorted and rolled her eyes.

Roman smiled a little at her jaded disposition. There was something about meeting a person who had it worse off than him that just made him a little happier inside. He knew it was horrible, of course, but he couldn't help it, and god knows he needed a bit of cheering up right now.

He sighed and looked back at the water, "I guess cliche's like that have sort of always been an irritating reassurance." Roman sighed a little, glancing at his watch, "I should probably go. I have a feeling this isn't the safest of places to be wandering around once it gets dark."

He turned to Ash, and gave her a smile, "This has been an interesting, albeit a little depressing, conversation. Here's hoping we meet again." With that, he extended a hand to the girl.

"Power to the metaphor," she muttered to herself, shaking her head as he left.

"Later," she waved absent-mindedly as long after he had already disappeared. His words rung with her and she thought perhaps she should leave too but...

She figured it would be fine for a little while longer, after all she could take care of herself.