I should be in Bed

"So what do you see?" He asked curiously, tilting his head at her. He knew how the public saw him. They all seemed to either hate him or love him, and as far as he knew, seemed to be more or less oblivious to all the turmoil going on in his head.

But Ninette wasn't a stranger to him. Far from it.

"Beef.." he muttered under his breath, raising an eyebrow at Nightmare who grinned at him. Nodding, he turned to the house elves, barking out the order before leaning back, hands behind his head. He'd used to do that, hadn't he? Been a lot more mean? Funny, doing it now didn't make him feel more like the old him.

He just felt off.

Leaning forward, she looked over him slowly, "I see... Julian Rousseau, bigger than life, oh so cool, and yet... completely insecure. You're... my friend, whatever that is worth, or even mean."

Snorting Ninette frowned as she looked at the boy. Bitting her lip, she titled her head to the side.

"What flew up your butt Rousseau?"

Nodding along to her words, because he had to admit that that was who he was. But he couldn't help but feel slightly intimidated by the idea of being larger than life. What did that even mean anyway? Shaking that thought off, he raised an eyebrow, the beginnings of a frown etching their way onto his face, "I'm not insecure. Or at least, not anymore than anyone else is."

He shrugged. Being insecure made him seem so childish, as if all his problems were nothing more than made up and in his head.

He had the bruises and memories to prove otherwise.

Staring blankly at her, Julian raised an eyebrow, his expression one of sole confusion before slipping into a more neutral one, "You know no one knows what you're talking about when you talk like that."

Ninette shrugged her shoulders again, "I never said you were more insecure than everyone else - you asked what I saw, I merely stated your answer - you don't have to be so touchy."

She ran a hand through her hair and leaned back against her chair, rocking it slightly.

"What? When I talk about friends? Or when I commented on the fact that your face suddenly looked like you swallowed a bee. You should try scowling less - I hear it gives you wrinkles."

"I'm a touchy-feely sort of person, Nine. You should know this by now." Julian shrugged. Glancing down at his feet for a moment, absentmindedly chewing on the inside of his cheek before glancing back at her. "Do I really seem that insecure?"

Shaking his head, he waved a hand towards her, "The bee thing. It sounds like you're trying too hard." Fingers lacing up to his face, he frowned, "I will not get wrinkles. Ew, I'd be old."

She shrugged her shoulders again, "I doubt to the masses no. I mean you still managed to terrify the child... even if I did already shake her up for you. But...."

Ninette looked at the boy for a long moment.

"I've known you for a long time Rousseau. Six years, I like to think I'd be able to notice a few things."

She snorted, "Then stop frowning."

"I'll always be good at scaring people." Julian said, no malice or disgust in his voice, just simple resigned truth. Placing his hands behind his head he watched Nightmare tear into a steak for a moment. "The masses are always so far behind. My reputation precedes me a little too much."

Looking back at her, he mused, "It doesn't feel like it's been six years. So much has happened, it feels so much longer."

Grinning, he said, "Sure, if you stop smirking."

"Reputations, what would we be with out them," she teased with a raised eyebrow. Though she hardly wanted to hear the answer.

Because she thought she already knew the answer. Two tired children, angry at the world.

"Six lifetimes would be more appropriate?" she stated tiredly, "God, I was such a brat on that first day. I don't know why you all kept talking to me... I was trying to get you not to talk to me. I didn't want any other friends... I had Simon. He was supposed to have been enough."

Her voice softened as she thought about Simon, a sad look crossing her face.

"We'd be nobodies," he muttered, eyes on the house elves around them. Wouldn't it be easier that way? Not having to deal with what everyone thought of them? But that reputation, it kept him sane. "And I'd rather be dead than be a nobody." 

He watched her for a moment before his eyes flickered down to the counter in front of him. "I think," he said slowly, thinking back to that day, "I wanted to be you back then. You were so sure of yourself, so in control, so everything I wanted to be then." Glancing back up at Ninette, he rubbed at his eyes, "I was so naïve, so stupid back then." Pausing for a moment and listening to his words, he frowned, "Not about wanting to be you, but I would've done - hell, I did - anything to make someone like me." His expression darkening at the thought of Monique, he fiddled absentmindedly with his necklace.

"He must've been a great friend." Julian said softly.

"Big talk Rousseau," she quipped quietly, though in her head she could see where he was coming from. Wasn't it the nobodies she had taken her rage upon to get that reputation in the first place?

Ninette felt the flutter of surprise rush through her, "You wanted to be like..." she shook her head, a bitter little smirk pulling at her face, "I must have pulled off whatever I was trying to do better than I thought. I was a mess... still am really."

"He was... he really was."

"Doesn't mean it's not true," Julian shrugged, his voice just as soft as hers. Glancing at her a long moment, he fidgeted for a moment before watching Nightmare down another steak. How hungry had she been?

"Don't let it get to your head, Nine." he teased, a corner of his mouth twitching upwards into the beginnings of a smirk. "We wouldn't want to inflate your ego, now would we?" Leaning back in his chair, he gave her a small smile, running a hand through his hair. "Aren't we all?" he murmured, raising an eyebrow.

"What was he like?" Julian asked softly, unable to keep the curious tone of his voice. Sure, she was one of his best friends, but he didn't really know all that much about her life before they'd met. Brushing strands of hair out his eyes, he ignored the little nagging voice that couldn't just take.

Sooner or later, he'd gave to give.

Ninette opened her eyes wide and let out a highly artifical gasp, "What me? Have an ego? Why ever would you suggest such a thing? I am a perfectly charming, perfectly humble teenage girl. You know that Rousseau."

Snorting slightly, the girl ran a hand through her hair, relaxing just a bit as she fell into her usual habits. The relaxing didn't last though as thoughts of Simon came into her head. She tensed herself for the usual pain, but was surprised to find... something else there. Sure it still hurt, but those memories... they were... special to her.

"He was... amazing. I've never known anyone so..." she paused for a moment and shook her head. "He was funny, but so obnoxious. He thought he knew everything better than me, just cause he was two years older." Her tone held fond annoyance, her eyes glissening slightly, as her lips curled into a fond smile. "Stubborn as a mule. No matter how many times I told him not to, I could never get him to stop calling me Ninny. It didn't bother me after a while, it became a pet name of sorts. But god how I hated it at first. But... he also cared. Anything I ever needed... even if I didn't know something was wrong... he did. He was... always just... there."

"Oh, well when you put it that way," Julian ran his hands through his honey coloured hair, grinning, "I'm so very sorry for even suggesting such a thing."

Sitting back, his eyes never left Ninette as he listened carefully and quietly to her. They way she described Simon, he wanted a friend like that. But didn't he already? A small frown etched across his frown as he thought. His friends, whether he liked it or not would be there for him forever. Sure, they didn't know every little thing about him, but he didn't know every little thing about himself.

It was only fair, really.

"Like an older brother," the Prideux murmured. "Or you know, like how one should be."

Ninette nodded her head slightly, still lost in her memories, her words coming slowly, if at all.

"But," she said after a moment, tearing herself away feeling the sudden dip of pain as reality sunk back in and she lost him again, "Life decided I was better off without that. So, I suppose, maybe I should listen to it."

Pushing herself away from the boy she fluffed her bright hair and stalked towards the door, throwing a message back to the boy as she left, "Eat Rousseau. I'm not planning on going through all that loss crap again."

He glanced at her, momentarily wanting to tell her about all the things that life had thrown at him. But that almost seemed heartless, to one up her on something that affected her so much. Ninette Fontaine might be a thousand times stronger than him, but even she had a breaking point.

Sure, his life story wasn't going to tip anyone over the edge, but God, he'd do anything to not have to look into the eyes of someone who understood him far too much. And he wasn't going to put himself through that just to prove a point.

"Maybe," he muttered, shrugging a shoulder. "But I don't think you can ever totally replace someone in your life." He barely registered his own lie. People got replaced all the time. People came and went in life, it was how it worked. Sooner or later, all the people he cared about would find someone less broken, less of a mess, just less him. It was inevitable.

His eyes following her as she got up, he ignored the little prickling of annoyance. It wasn't like he wasn't dying. The Angelique had a point. "And I'm not planning on going anywhere."