hummingbird heartbeat

It was evident that winter was nearing. There was snow in most places and the degrees have definitely dropped lower. School was nearly over and closing for the holidays and students were getting ready to see their families. Most of the students, anyway.

Frodo hugged his jacket closer as he strolled around the forest. He wasn't here to on a planned meeting with anyone; just wanted to clear his mind from all disturbing thoughts. Everything had been hectic to say the least, the only good thing being that he had finally found a temporary place to live; with one of his Muggle friends.

But the Hitrost knew that he couldn't stay there long. He wondered if he would have to stay at strangers' houses on the streets and the thought scared him a little. It had been days, maybe even weeks, since he spoke to someone about the way things were. He could feel his friends and Kait distancing themselves anyway and felt immensely angry at himself for not trying harder to stop it.

He sat down and leaned his head against one of the trees. This was probably going to be a silent night.

The smells of winter's coming was apparent in the Uchitel's eyes. She was the daughter of rain and snow, which made her pretty perceptived of the signs of winter, how its aura changed people. Being a child of the aforementioned weather states, she found it easy to go through winter without wearing a thick coat, though for fashion's sake she chose to cover herself with one. Today, she had on her favourite: plain white with only a huge, dodge blue cross, the width of a police tape minus the 'DO NOT CROSS' signs. Blended in with streaks of her pale blonde hair which had been growing within these last few months, she looked and felt like a Finnish girl.

The forest had always been a place of retreat, at least in her case. She often walked here, on her own. During her first year she could remember laying down on the ground and praying to whoever was watching her that everything would turn out alright. It had worked in the earlier days, but it was losing its luck.

Months may have passed since her argument with the Unwanted Redhead, yet she still felt the same of her. Any matters concerning that bitch of a Hrabrost made the old Lena seem like a puppy, and it was dealt with the hardest heart Lena could possibly have. Besides, she had Haze and Tessa as her two best friends - she was not lost in that department.

Her feet buried themselves within the snow, becoming one with it. She knew her feet were soiled for the night, but it was okay. Just the one time. Her head fell upon a mop of brown hair, and affectionately called for her brother's name.

"Frodo."

The brown haired boy didn't even have to look up as he heard his name. The voice was more than just familiar, it felt like a part of him. He had missed the owner of the voice dearly and once again, he blamed the petty fighting they were all involved in. Still, he would never take sides and he hoped his friends knew that.

"Hey Lena," he greeted his sister softly and motioned for her to sit next to him. They probably had things to share with one and another. If anything, Frodo trusted the Uchitel completely and was definitely one of the people he could never turn his back on. He probably didn't know her as well as the other people in her life, but he liked to think that he knew her slightly more.

The Hitrost had come to believe that he could always go to her whenever he was in trouble. Just like she didn't feel guilty about sharing her problems, he too felt no guilt.

He smiled humourlessly and murmured, "I miss you; don't hate me too now, do you?"

Frodo was more than aware of the present rivalry between his girlfriend and the blonde, and he hoped it wouldn't risk their friendship.

Containing her emotions was like trying to release flammable gases into open air without burning. It was so refreshing, heart-wrenching, eye-opening, even, to see him without the rest of them on his own, right here and right now, talking to her, Lena Marie Vorstenbach, his sister from another mister minus the blood ties, the bigegst burden in his life, the trigger of all the Seven Devils fighting that has been going on. Lena Vorstenbach, the girl who had kissed him, and in turn, ignited a rivalry with his girlfriend so fiery even those out of the fire got burnt to their skin.

The air around her changing somewhat. A drift of wind settled in a layer between her shirt and the insides of her coat, causing her cells to tremble. She managed a weak grin before she walked over to a comfortable spot close towards the brunette, sitting down gently next to the Hitrost Prefect. She crossed her legs, left on top of her right, brushing stray locks out of her vision.

"No," she replied, her tone a peculiar mix of pleasant, yet it was the sort of tone one might use to threaten a suspect of a crime without telling them that they were being threatened, "I don't hate you at all, Frodo. You have done naught to anger me, though I can't say the same for the both of us vice versa." She turned to face him, a gentle smile flickering across her face. "You don't hate me either, now do you? I can leave if you want me to..."

Frodo smiled softly as the Uchitel sat down and put his arm around her, giving her a hug. He felt it had been forever since they got a chance to talk or just simply be with each other. There were happier times, carefree times, where they didn't have to be scared to be seen talking without worrying about anyone getting angry or hurt. He sighed as he thought of it, and he wished they could go back.

He chuckled at her question and shook his head. "Do you honestly think I can hate you? I'm not even mad at you Lena, I'm just...upset." He admitted so quietly, he wondered if she heard it. "I'm sad that our friends are fighting and you all are just hating on each other, sad that I'm part of the reason."

The Hitrost Prefect heard plenty of talk about Kait and Lena's not so friendly conversations and how his name was brought up frequently. He hated having his name used in such unwanted occassions and he could only hope they would stop soon.

"So how are you? Planning on going home for the holidays?" Frodo asked, a small smile on his face, not wanting her to see through it.

"You're upset? That's so much worse than hatred," breathed the Uchitel, the cloud of droplets and carbon dioxide visible in the air, "I'm sorry for what happened, and I don't think I can say it enough times for it to be acceptable." A tear rolled down her cheek, and she abruptly brushed it with her index finger, leaving the tear-stained part of her face gleaming. "The only consolation I have about... uh, our... kiss" - the word came out rather sharply - "is that... well, Rhys doesn't know about it, to my heart's chagrin. He has enough tragedy in his life. He doesn't need any more."

She stared down at the snow, trying to hide away the tears begging to come out of her eyelids. Hiding the furrowed eyebrows and eyes blinking rapidly. Hiding her shivering body, though it wasn't from the cold. Hiding the fact that her arms were wrapped tightly around her, as if the arm holding her to consciousness wasn't good enough.

"Fighting, Frodo, is what leads to peace," Lena calmly uttered, her tranquility wavering, "if there is no war, dear brother, how would we know what peace is?" She cleared her throat, feeling it clog with all of her feelings. She needed to be neutral right now, for his sake and hers. "You are not part of the reason. You are the victim. The reason? Just me. Because of a stupid, selfish endeavor in my head that I did that you happened to be involved in. If that bitch decides to make us adversaries then it's her problem, not mine. I'm only responding to her actions. Besides, I already have my own battles. I'm sure I can handle some more."

She neglected to inform him of the negative effect they had on her.

The blonde shrugged her shoulders. "Yeah, I'm going home," she replied. She paused for a brief moment. "I'm finally telling my parents about Rhys this Christmas."

---

(ooc: tell me this isn't crappy...)

Frodo chuckled humourlessly and looked at the Uchitel. "I have already forgiven you Lena, there is no point in apologizing to me repeatedly." He was mostly relieved to hear that she hadn't told Rhys, as he agreed with her, things were bad enough for him. "Have you talked to him lately? How is he?" The Hitrost asked, concern evident in his voice.

The brunette hugged her tight and ran his hand up and down her back in a comforting way. He had a feeling she wasn't shivering from the cold and he hugged her once more before saying softly, "It's okay to cry, better than bottling it up."

"You are choosing now to get all philosophical on me?" He asked teasingly with a smile, but it faded quickly as it came, realizing he was probably being silly. "We're all victims here Lena, don't you see? We are all losing our friends one by one, fighting and in one way, we are all suffering," he stated quietly, feeling his heart break. "Can you please not talk about Kait like that in front of me?" Frodo asked in an even quieter and firm voice. "How many battles do you think you can fight? What are the repercussions? Just don't hurt yourself more by trying to be all tough."

"Your parents still do not know about Rhys?" He asked, unable to hide his surprise. "Why haven't you told them before?"


(ooc: s'not a crappy post, Rora!)

Releasing a huge sigh of relief from her heart, the Uchitel gave a firm bob of her head, "I thought that was why you were upset at me. I suppose you aren't upset about that, then. So... I have to ask, what has gotten you to be so overwrought? I'm sure I fit in there, somehow, somewhere, but it's up to you if you choose whether to explain or not." She gave an unremarkable shrug of her shoulder, as if her care went flying out the window.

"C-Crying..." spat she, "is for the weak, Frodo." "I am not weak. I will not - I will not! - succumb... to this..." She burst into tears, "Coping mechanism!" She watched the tears fall and shut her eyes, clenching them shut and burying herself in his embrace. Him stroking her back brought shivers all over her spine, her eyes trembling, but it was pleasant, warming her up with every touch. It brought her to life, the fire dancing in her bones. She needed this. She needed him, her brother... who she loved more than any other boy older than sixteen, at this moment.

Perhaps her love wasn't so exclusive after all.

Tear-stained, navy blue eyes looked up at her beloved Hitrost, and shrugged her shoulders. "Well, I'm doing quite fine, thanks. I have friends: Haze and Tessa, and at least they try to understand, unlike some people," she snapped, yet her tone sounded unsure, as if she was questioning that very statement. She rolled her eyes. "Fine, I'll call her Grayson, if that's good enough," she uttered, shuddering at the name, "but just so you know, I'm mentally puking." Narrowing her eyes, she tried her best not to scream at him, yet she did anyway, "I have fought enough battles in my life to know that there is no such thing as a victory! Only losses!" She crossed her arms wryly, releasing a grunt.

Lena buried her face in her palm, "They want me to marry Charles, stupid. They don't say it outright, but I'm fifteen, not dumb. Even when I was seven, Mother wanted to be our wedding planner."

The Hitrost ran his hand through his hair, wondering how to answer his sister's question. "I'm upset about everything," he finally said with a sigh. "The fighting, hating between you and her, how it's affecting all of us, the fact that I am currently homeless and planning on staying here itself for the holidays. It's like, all that anger and frustration has resorted to an utter feeling of depression. I know it may not be as bad as what you are going through, but nonetheless, it's bad." He said, not really looking at Lena.

"Crying is not a sign of weakness Lena, it just means that you have trying to bottle your emotions for too long and it has reached to a level, where you just have to let go," Frodo murmured and hugged her closer. He just held her and knew that it would do her good to shed tears, rather than him telling her not to. He continued his comforting gesture for a while, before pulling away and wiping some of the tears. "And hey, if you feel crying is weak, then I am definitely weak too," he told her softly, his arms still around her, not wanting to let go, knowing that both could use some closure.

"Just like you, even I can apologize a million times and that won't convey how sorry I really am about all this," he told the Uchitel. "I hope I am not one of those people who don't understand because honest to God, I am doing my best here." The Hitrost prefect nodded his head, not in the least thrown off by the anger in her voice. "The hatred for her is just between you two, just don't show it to me, same as I've asked her not to." He listened as she yelled at him and said calmly, "That is really not true. Of course there's such a thing as victory, not just losses. If only there were losses for everyone, the world would be more of a depressing place than it already is, seeing as no one would be happy then."

"They want you to marry Charles?" Frodo echoed, still in surprise. "That doesn't seem fair to you or to him. Why do they want that? And how do you think your parents will take it when you tell them about Rhys?"

Lena pressed her lips, feeling them quiver with the confession. "I hate it too," she admitted, and ended it with a gasp so large it clouded the final word she had muttered, "I-I want to be friends with her again, and Telsa... and I want to be seen with you in public again as best friends." She slammed her hand on the icy ground, trying not to wince at the blood slowly seeping out of her wound. "I hate this! I hate fighting! I hate this war! Anya and Kait are my carriers, not my burden! I want it to end!" She then felt a pang of pain in her wrist, letting out something reminiscent of a battlecry.

As he held her close, she made no effort to resist. She just breathed, the blood pool forming beneath her. She was just sitting there, breathing his scent, breathing in all of him, as if it was going to be the last time she would see him. The smell of blood should be apparent what with the amount all that had been released from her veins, but it wasn't. All she could see, feel, taste, sense... it was just Frodo. Her Frodo. Nothing, no one else. "Then we can both be weaklings together, right?" tittered the blonde, the spurts of laughter bitter and half-hearted, "and I've always thought I was strong. I could handle everything and still be stable... but look at me. I'm not stable. I'm not fine. I'm breaking like a piece of broken glass.

"I-I don't know," Lena replied, shivering - though it was attributed to the cold this time. "I want to believe you understand, yet I can't. How funny is that? My own mind is rebelling against me... l-like.. Raskolnikoff. Y'know, Crime and Punishment?" She then narrowed her eyes even narrower than the first, though unlike the fit of anger she had ended up committing last time, she kept her cool, "Just between the two of us? If it was 'just' between me and her, then why, may I ask, am I talking to Haze and Tessa, and not you or Lora? Why do you stay away from me in public? Why am I not spending my weekends drinking Butterbeer, just the seven of us?" She shook her head solemnly, "This hatred... between me and her... it's a virus. One day, all of the Fifth Years - maybe even the other years... they're going to get dragged into this hell with us, and I don't think I'm on the winning side." Her brows raised themselves, "The world is the most depressed place in the bloody universe. I'd much rather live in my own perocosm, thanks."

The Uchitel snapped, "Obviously. Why do you think they regard his family so highly? His father is nothing but a liar, a coward, a swindler of dough, and I did justice by rendering him dead." Her eyes widened as she thought of the consequences, but she shook her head. "I don't know, but I don't care. They need to know about my feelings, no matter how scandalous they end up being."

Before Frodo could reply to the Uchitel's confession, she startled him by banging her hand on the floor. He quickly conjured a cloth and wrapped it around her wrist. "Did you have to do that?" He asked amusedly with a raised eyebrow. "I swear, one of these days, your dramatics is going to get you in more trouble than ever." The smile faded from his lips and he nodded his head in agreement. "I want it to end as well, Lena. There is a very good chance that we might crash and burn even more, and all the hide-and-seek is not really us, you know. Maybe it will end one day, when we least expect it."

His arms still around her, he couldn't deny the fact that he had missed this, missed spending time with Lena and talking to her. He was so curious as to how she was coping with all this, but circumstances has forced them to be careful not to be spotted talking to each other. He found it strange that she always ended up in his arms crying about yet another life changing trauma. But the Hitrost knew that he would always be there for her, no matter what. He couldn't recall how is it that they got so close, but for whatever it was, he was eternally thankful. "You are stronger than you realize, Lena. You're only human, you don't have to hold it all together every second of every day. Sometimes, it is letting go that makes you strong," he smiled softly

"Well, that is up to your mind then I guess," Frodo muttered with a shrug. "I don't know what else I can do to prove to you that I'm already doing the best. He knew her questions were legitimate and she had a right to ask them. "Yes, it is just between the two of you because no matter how many of us get dragged into it, the person you both ultimately hate is each other," he said simply, and though it was the truth, it was killing him on the inside to admit it. "There is no winning side to this madness, Le. As long as end up losing out friends like this, no one is going to be on the winning side," he shook his head. "No way, you would miss me if you lived in your paracosm," he teased lightly and kissed the top of her head.

"In that case, I guess I should be glad that you killed his father, but that hasn't affected the decision of getting you married, yes?" He looked ahead and listened to her. "If they don't accept you with Rhys, I'll do whatever I can to help change their minds. We all will," he added.

Lena pouted - both due to the pain and as an exaggerated reaction - at her brother's action. Though the warm cloth helped to clot the blood, it still did nothing to stop her from staring down at the stain that have engraved themselves upon her skin. "Well, hell yes," she replied, sarcasm lacing her voice so tightly it might choke, "of course it would. If I was in more trouble than I usually am, why am I Prefect?" At the thought of this fight ending, the girl shivered, "Usually... I'd rejoice at a fight ending, but for some reason... I can't imagine a life without this battle: Ashling versus... whatever Kait calls herself." Her voice began to trail off, "Is that wrong?"

The gentle smile of her brother brought Lena's emotions to its knees. She looked up at him, her eyes gleaming with something. They weren't tears. It was something a lot more... translucent. What it was, exactly, no one was sure, except for the Uchitel herself, and she was bound to keep it a closely guarded secret. She had made an ultimate decision there and then that could change everything - from the way people thought of her to the way she was perceived at first sight. To hide it she flushed, though it was barely noticeable in the dim light, at any rate. "Letting go?" she asked, though her tone was a tad joyous than it should be, "I've never quite... let go, before. Letting go is an enigma, a mystery to my mindset." She shook her head wistfully, "I'm not joking here..."

With her decision firm in her mind, the blonde sharply replied, "You have done enough to prove yourself to me without causing some sort of long-term damage to yourself. You'll always understand something, if not all, of my problems." Resting her palm on his arm, she cupped the section of him she had and gave it a placid squeeze. She bit her lip, imagining vibrissae around her lips, for whatever reason, "I hate Telsa too..." Or at least I'm supposed to, she added egocentrically. "So no, ultimately, it's not just Grayson I hate." She shrugged her shoulders, "I guess you're right... I don't want to lose you, ever. Promise me that you won't give into Grayson, okay? You say that you're unaffected by this, and I want to feel confident that you're keeping your word." He'd pecked her on the forehead, and instead of kissing him on his lips like she had last time... she had chosen to laugh.

"Quiet!" shushed the Prefect, "no one is to know I killed him!" She then oscillated her head, "No. It hasn't." When he had told her that he'd help her parents convince her of Rhys... something snapped, and definitely not the way she was expecting it to happen. She was completely clueless of the reason, except for the reality that she couldn't handle the lingering emotion in her head.

"I don't want to!" she cried, "because... because..." She felt an earthquake run through her vains, uttering her last words quietly, "I think I love you, Frodo."

"Oh yeah, the Prefect question has definitely been nagging in my mind ever since you received the badge," Frodo remarked in mock seriousness and grinned lightly at his sister. "They were probably desperate and gave you the badge, despite knowing how much trouble you used to get in your previous years." At her next words, he looked at her in surprise, now believing what she that she was actually saying it. "You mean..you want to keep on fighting like this? That too, with my girlfriend of all people? I don't care what you think of me, but I honestly do want it to stop because I can't imagine this going on for a lifetime," he told, his voice quietening considerably. He held her blood stained hand in his, rubbing gently, as though trying to ease the pain and yet portray it as a distracted motion. "It depends on you really, I don't think it's wrong."

As the Uchitel looked at him, he was reminded of the last time she glanced at him in the same fashion. He didn't think he could ask her to look away, even if he had the right amount of words. He figured that she was battling her own emotions daily and that within itself was a war. Though he felt she might not agree, he knew what it was like to be the enemy of your own heartfelt thoughts. At that moment, he wondered what was going on in her mind, but did not want to pry. On hearing her voice, he was pulled back to reality. "You want to know what is the best part of letting, dear Lena? The best part is, you do not have to worry about anyone or anything," he said, the smile back on his face. "And the relief after releasing all the pent up and bottled troubles, is unmistakably one of the best feelings."

That was a lesson he learnt ever since he was a child and also taught his sister, since their parents were nearly fighting on a regular basis.

"If I have really done enough, then why do you always doubt my sincerity?" The Hitrost questioned with a raised eyebrow. "And even if I did cause long-term damage to myself by listening to you, that does not mean I'd leave you to your problems," he rolled his eyes good naturedly. "Just..don't stop talking about them, alright? I will always want to listen." His arm tightened around her shoulders and gave her a hug. "How can you hate Anya, Le? She didn't even do anything to you, not to mention she is your best friend, despite what you currently say or think," he told in a firm voice. The brown haired boy's gaze visibly softened at her admittance and he shook his head. "I do not want to lose you either. And like I said before, I am neither on your side or hers. I love you both and I am not going to abandon either of you," commented the Prefect and looked her in the eye while he said it. "So yes, I do feel confident that our friendship will not be affected."

Before Frodo could react to her outburst, he heard the low uttered words and was initially confused. "You love me? Well, I love you too, so what's-" He stopped midsentence when the realization hit him hard like a ton of bricks.

"N-No Lena, you c-cannot be playing with m-my mind like last time," he shook his head and ran his hands through his hair in frustration. "How the hell can you be in love with me when you have Rhys?!"

And just like thag, he felt like his mind was spinning like a cartwheel. He didn't know whether to feel guilty for maybe giving her the wrong signals unintentionally or feel angry at her confession. He knew one thing for sure.

The Uchitel and the Hitrost just got pulled into something deeper, and no one could help them get out of it, except for each other.

"Desperate?" questioned the Uchitel Prefect, wishing she had her badge with her just for the sake of boasting of it, "oh brother, if they were desperate, they might have chosen two male Prefects instead of dealing with the trouble of choosing me. Or they might have chosen... umm... what's her name... the other blonde I can think of in our house... ah yes, Paloma. She doesn't seem to be as much of a troublemaker as I am. Why not her?" She gave a single shrug of her shoulders, "Perhaps it's because of my grades. Yes, I'm a troublemaker, a little bit rebellious, and a tad... I don't know... insane, but in the end, I'm always going to be judged for the fact I'm the cleverest person in Uchitel. That's stupid." His surprised look only made her feel as if she'd been drunk the entire conversation, and was waking up with a terrible hangover. But it was a strangely pleasant one, as odd as it sounded. She never remembered having a pleasant hangover. "I told you it would sound wrong," she snapped, though her sobriety was lifted once he had started holding her hand. "Well, thank you, Frodo. Thank you for understanding the Hell on Earth that is my mind."

The thought of his words alone made the blonde shudder, because... why wouldn't she shudder? The ideology alone was alien to her. "I have never let go... I have never felt truly free from all my cares in the world. The closest I've ever been close to not caring was when I used to be drunk, or when Rhys and I are in some secluded space somewhere out there," uttered she frankly, "my emotions have never let me go. They're like the ocean over a piece of coral. The coral might die off and decompose once it has been weathered by the effects of time and fish, but the ocean will always be there, sitting over it as if rendering it dead isn't enough."

Lena shook her head. "I know you wouldn't, but I would never, never risk your mental being for the sake of helping mine," she argued, her tone warrior-like, "you're a part of me just as much as my past, and my emotions, and what's left of my friends are." She laughed as he rolled his eyes, the gentle circling of his brown eyes - hazelnut, maybe, but they're shaped like them in such a way that it would make her heart melt - made her blush further redden itself. "You have no idea, don't you, Frodo?" she rasped, "you have no idea what that bitch said to me. You don't even want to know what she said to me." Really, the ultimate thing she was mad at her ex-best friend for was that she wasn't welcome at her wedding. Sure, they were arguing, but weddings were special, and friends or not, Lena would love to be present to see Anya make her vows, even if she wasn't Maid of Honour like she would have wanted to be. She supposed there was no point for that now. "Well, if that's what you say. You better keep your word."

A blindfolded man knew Lena Vorstenbach's wrath was closer to hell than they would ever like to experience in their lifetimes.

"Well!" cried the Uchitel, "this will be my last confession, especially if you're going to react like that. 'I love you' never felt like any blessing! 'I love you' are just there small words that are supposed to mean a million different ways." She shrugged her shoulders, as if she was mad at him and did not just admit the biggest mistake of her life, "Well, what do you think happened? I just told you: My emotions bury me, not the other way round. I guess I've been fancying you for ages and ever since we kissed my passion went deeper than I wanted it to - god fucking dammit, you don't just explain to people why you love them!" A dead leaf floated by, scraping her knee, and being the pessimistic person the Uchitel was she could not help but compare herself to it, "Or at least how you came to be."

"No, they probably chose you because they needed someone to yell and scare the lower years into behaving properly," Frodo laughed lightly. "Which is why my next puzzlement is, why'd they choose me as a Prefect?" It was true, the Hitrost had been surprised at having known that he was made Prefect, when he clearly wasn't a person of strict authority. "It's stupid that you are the cleverest person in Uchitel? Yes, that makes total sense," he commented, pretending to be serious. He knew that it was one of those times where he simply couldn't keep up with mind changes or mood swings. Sure, he was the kind that was exceptionally logic and rarely was fickle-minded, which was perhaps why Lena and sometimes even Kait, managed to leave him confused. "You are welcome," he told softly. "And I'd say your hell was much better."

The Hitrost shook his head, as though he thought she was lying. "Well,I will have to change that, won't I?" He knew she might retort to that, but he just didn't want to her bottle up all her anger and emotions so much that one day, it just might hurt her. And that was the last thing that he wanted. "Yes, but in it's whole life, the coral never lets the ocean take over or control it, and it never hides in the ocean. Just like how you shouldn't have to hide your emotions. I understand in front of certain people you would dare not shed your tears, but in front of your friends and me, you are safe," he stated softly.

"You worry too much about me, you know that?" Frodo asked amusedly and grinned. "Let me think of my stability, because being with all of you, I've already gone a tad insane." At that moment, it felt good to know that he had made her laugh for the simple reason that she probably hadn't in the past few months. And even if she had, he felt glad that he was able to still bring out that joyous sound from her. "What did she say to you?" He asked quietly. "If you do not want to tell me, it's fine, I'll understand." As they sat here talking about Anya, he knew that he had to speak to the Hrabrost as well and see if she was alright. Anya was just as important to him as was Lena, and he couldn't imagine not talking to her while this ordeal was going on. "I will keep my word, I promise," he reassured with a smile.

"Million different ways? I already know which way you mean, Lena!" The Hitrost Prefect exclaimed, still in shock. "You can't love me, it's not right or even possible. I'm the smart, silent type that girls stay away from, not the one that girls fancy from afar. Everyday I wonder how Kait could be with someone like me and here you are, admitting to me the same thing!" With those three words the Uchitel uttered, he felt his world tilt to such an extreme, he had no control of.

"Is it because you are trying to get back at Kait? I mean, I honestly cannot think of any other reason you would love with me when you seem to be so perfectly happy with Rhys," he mumbled, running his hands through his agitation, looking at her questioningly.

The Uchitel derided what her brother had just spoken, the notion rather bitter in her mind, "Geez, thanks. It just made me feel as if I'm a cruel bitch who likes to seize control of everyone, and I like to parade around commanding little children to do whatever I wanted them to. Thanks a fucking bunch." She knew that he was just poking at her but so many people had said that of her it didn't feel that way anymore. Lena then rolled her eyes. "You're the sanest sixth year Hitrost I can think off the top of my head" - her thoughts instantaneously wandered off to Ash - "and you're doing a beautiful job of being Prefect so far. Obviously, so do the teachers; they haven't stripped off your position as of now." A tiny snicker crossed her features, and the Prefect tried her best not to stare into Frodo's eyes. "Yes, I totally just said that," she simply replied. The snicker turned into an affable smile; the thought of her Hell being better... though she did have one question in mind. "What do you mean, 'better?'" questioned she impertinently.

Had Lena not known her brother any better, she would say that he was perhaps... flirting with her. She then wafted out of her Atlantis when she remembered that they were both dating people and that meant that he wasn't flirting with her and even if he was, it was, in all escape clause, forbidden. Merlin it was wrong, but forbidden flirting felt exciting. "Okay then," she replied slyly, a smirk beginning to line her features, "you can always try." Listening to him, she had the urge to argue, even if she tried to curb it, "Yes it does! The ocean hosts the coral. Have you ever seen a coral bigger, denser, stronger than the ocean in which it resides? Anyway, I was born, I have lived, I will surely die." She snarled at her brother, harsher than she had meant it to be, "Define friend, Frodo. Tell me who my friends are, if you're so sure."

The blonde gasped. "You've gone insane, Frodo? Well, I don't realize it; you seem perfectly sane compared to the rest of us. And stable. And gentle, and friendly, and... you know what I mean." Lena closed her eyelids, feeling them tremble in the might of her mind, "She said I was two-faced... and a backstabber..." She buried herself further into Frodo's chest, her voice muffled by his coat, "I know this is going to sound stupid but... but... what hit me the most was when... when..." She breathed in deeply, letting the tears fall once more, "She told me I wasn't invited to her wedding! D-Do you know how betrayed I felt?" She placed her arms around him, clenching him tight towards her as if he was the only line of support she had for anything. At his vow, she could only nod. There was no other way to further convince herself that he was indeed, telling the truth.

"It's always the unexpected who seem the most attractive. And I've probably been in love with you the first moment I saw you," uttered the Uchitel wisely. There was no time for her pearls of wisdom now yet she knew it rang true when it came to her and love. After all, that was how she found Rhys in the first place. Not like... not like she should even think of that now when she had a larger dilemma staring her in the face... and that happened to be Frodo. Perhaps he was just another broken toy, and Lena hoped to Merlin that's what Frodo was.

Yet she knew that it was not true. She actually did feel a strong connection, bond even, towards him. And this bond was love.

"I can just murder her post school if I wanted to get back at her, or take away one of her snakes," ruthlessly snarled Lena, "and I would not call our relationship 'perfectly happy'. If we were perfectly happy, then why is he mute and why am I in need of mental rehabilitation? Why am I in love with you and thinking that you need all my love instead of him? Why do I let you smother me with affection? Why does he go to the Kitchens instead of talking to me?"

"Lena, that is not at all what I meant and you know it," Frodo said, feeling slightly amused by her reaction. "If others have said it to you in seriousness, well, you can just ignore them because they probably don't know very well, or they were just joking, like I am right now," he attempted to calm her down. "Sanest sixth year; yes, I think that is quite apt," he grinned at his sister. "I think it's because of my good grades and out of trouble thing that they handed me the badge. But I suppose it's quite advantageous to have a position of authority, be it a Prefect or not," he mused. He shrugged as he wondered how to answer her. "Everyone always speaks of hell being the worst place to be in the afterlife, burning and demons. Well, I'm not saying I believe in that but the hell we are facing now or the one in your mind, seems to be a lot more manageable than that." Or perhaps that felt like a way too far-fetched answer, he thought.

It was no news or surprise to people that the Hitrost wasn't accustomed to flirting and he nearly had difficulty in case some girl did decided to try a line on him and act flirtatious. He knew that Lena wouldn't try to do that with him, seeing as they were practically siblings, not bonded by blood but merely by mutual feelings and by complicated circumstances that have taught them that sometimes, they only have each other to rely on. However, he did find her sudden change in demeanor slightly...odd, but chose not to acknowledge it. "The ocean may host it but doesn't mean the ocean controls it. Just like how you shouldn't have to give in to your emotions by holding them hostage in your mind or heart." He simply looked at her for a few minutes before replying, "We are all going to die one day. As for your question on friendship, the very people whom you are currently fighting with are your friends, Lena. The fighting is just an inevitable part of it, wherein one day, it will cease to exist."

Frodo pretended to think about her comment before allowing a smile to grace his features. "Yes, I suppose I am the most stable out of the lot but that is just for the sake of you people, because we would surely be in trouble all the time had not one of us been sane." The brown haired boy listened in shock at her repetition of the Hrabrost's and sighed as he enveloped the Uchitel in a tight hug, almost scared to let her go, as though she would hurt herself again. "It was her anger speaking through her, Le," he murmured softly into her hair as he let her cry. At the same time, he couldn't help but be surprised that Anya would suddenly mention a wedding in the middle of all this and even more surprised that she had maybe officially ended her friendship with Lena. But Frodo wasn't exactly a negative thinker and he knew for sure he had to talk to the Hrabrost in order to find out what was exactly going on. Sure, it was perfectly understandable for Kait to say those things, hence the reason it confused him.

He wiped away her tears slowly and continued to rub her hand gently, another soothing gesture. "Anya would never do that to you, Lena, I know it. Everyone is really hurting and dealing with their own problems, and you all are just using that to increase the anger within."

"From the moment you saw me?! Do you hear what you are saying? Le, you already had Rhys from the moment you saw me, how on earth can you say something like that?" He demanded softly. "You know what? Whatever you are feeling towards me is not real, it is rather temporary. I've seen your obvious love for Rhys time and again, and it is thousand times more meaningful than the feeling you are currently having."

His full mind was telling him that she was maybe feeling overwhelmed and she just thought she loved him, when in reality, she didn't. She couldn't. It was just not possible.

"You let me smother you with affection because you don't want to bother Rhys with your problems or because you feel only I will listen to you," he said and shook his head. "I am telling you Le, the minute that you and Rhys start communicating again, you will forget all about me. He is your rock, is he not?" The Hitrost asked softly. "In fact, if you two were talking to each other, you probably wouldn't even seek comfort from me, the way you are doing now."

"Again, thanks a fucking bunch," snapped she, sarcasm lining her tone like a boa constrictor coiled around its prey, "that made me feel sooooo much better." She gave a gentle snort, "Of course it is. Being older than most of the school is advantageous; it earns you some sort of titular position just by being there." A thought flickered across her brain, "Oh. Speaking of being old... I celebrated my thirty-first half birthday a while ago. It was quite... unceremonious. Or at least, compared to the others, it seems that way. I can only remember myself being trapped in Enya's puzzle of a dream until about eleven in the morning." She fiddled with her thumbs, "Celebrating my half birthdays make me feel older than I am, yet I feel a need to do so. Age, I suppose, gives me prowess." She began to hum a tune, "I was born, I have lived, I will surely die," she belted out, her voice resonating in the depths of the forest, "facing defeat I'm still holding my head up high... been deceived into thinking that it's alright. I just needed a reason to reach for the light. Now I've opened, opened, my eyes, Now I see it, the light and I need it..." She paused afterwards. "That's not true," she muttered. "I don't see no light." She chose not to comment at the phrase on her mind; thoughts concerning it, she'd ultimately decided, were best left alone.

The blonde shook her head disdainfully at her brother, clearly thinking that he had hit the wrong nail, "Have you ever thought that our emotions, our feelings... they vary in size, in depth, in every way possible, just like the oceans surrounding ourselves? There are big, small, shallow, deep oceans, but in the end, they're all large, and with enough water they can kill all of us." She began to yell, "My emotions are not held hostage! They're anything but! If anything, they're hijacking my heart and my soul, and eventually my mind. Soon, they will crash, and my emotions will be the only thing left of me." The silence that had been constructed between the so-called siblings made her tremble with the wind, and as she parted her lips her brother began to speak. For once, she listened. She listened to the wonderful contours of his voice, and the way it glided softly across the snow of words. Fuck, she was so lucky to hear him talk in the first place. "What are you speaking of, Fro?" she asked, "does the fighting cease, or the friendship?" In her mind, it was the latter, but knowing her brother, it was more likely the former.

Lena rocked her head once more. "No we wouldn't; us Seven Devils, when we're united, are smarter than any individual," stated the Prefect bluntly, "if we were ever... united." He held her close to him, and she sat there, crying the brine out of her tear ducts, fastening her arms around him. "I-I don't know, Frodo. I hope you're right," she muttered in English instead of her more accustomed Russian, her pulse still carrying the British elements she had developed rather heavily. She cried for the world, for Kait, for Anya, for Rhys and all the events that have unraveled. She cried for Tessa gaining her sight back, for Faye and her sickness, for Kas and his girlfriend getting married, and for her prospects looking up, someday in the future.

"God, Fro," she muttered simply, "if only I can believe you. I wish I can just say that in three months, both of us will be joking about this and laughing our heads off, but sorry. I can't say that. I hate lying to you, and if I had said it it would have been a lie. 'Temporary' doesn't bury your soul this deep, Frodo Moria. It doesn't." She gritted her teeth, the sounds making her hairs stand up straight, "I'd do anything for him, even if we broke up and if I end up being an adversary of his in the future - or vice versa - I will still die for him, I will kill for him, I will sacrifice anything I have for him if it meant that he will stay alive and well. Even if he was married to another... even if he broke a piece of my heart into a million smaller pieces, I would do anything. He's gained my trust, and he's done nothing to lose it. If anything... it's the other way around." She took deep breaths, her heart pumping an overwhelming of emotions into her body, "Hell. I'd do anything for you, too. I'd do anything for us Seven Devils, for Tessa, for Kas. Devotion... it runs deep for someone like me."

The blonde, weakened, had a need to fall asleep in his arms and enjoy this comfort, only if for a night, and her navy blue eyes, surrounded by the redness of fatigue, looked up steadfastly into her brother's, determined to hold them. "I can't talk to him, remember?" she sharply threatened, "he's mute, dammit."

Ah yes, leave it to you to call me an old man in the most formal way possible," Frodo remarked teasingly and smiled lightly. "Really? Happy belated half birthday then, Le. Tell me, how come it seemed unceremonious compared to the others?" He enquired curiously. "So which date do you celebrate your half birthdays?" The smile remained on his face as he listened to the Uchitel sing, more focussed on the lyrics. Yet, it didn't escape his notice that she sounded a lot more calm than she was a few minutes ago. "You'll see the light soon," he murmured.

"You are someone who has always expressed your emotions, no matter to whom it is," he said, looking away from her. "Perhaps it's because I don't have a lot of emotions, or maybe they've been hidden away from the beginning. But whatever the reason, I have never been able to showcase my feelings so openly; hoping to stay strong enough just for the sake of others," he shrugged. The more he heard his sister talk like this, the more his worry grew. She was conversing as though she was going go off and die soon. He forced himself to loosen his grip on her, though he was tempted to keep her close, if it meant her safety was assured. "The friendship you have with them is one of a kind. It is so amazing that fate felt it had to be tested, and to me, that's what this is. And knowing the seven of us, I like to think that it is the fighting that will cease to exist," he replied, though he had a feeling she already knew he would say that,

The Hitrost didn't want to stop Lena's tears by saying things she probably wouldn't listen to anyway. And so, as she cried her eyes out, all he did was hold her. Hold her tight, an indication that he wasn't going to leave anytime soon and she was at full liberty to shed tears. "United we stand, divided we fall," he murmured almost subconsciously into her hair. "When each of us realize that we need one another to get on with our lives, that's when we are truly united. And besides, I'm right most of the time, aren't I?" He joked weakly, anything to change the mood to something lighter, even if by the slightest.

"I disagree with you Lena, because whatever you feel for me is definitely temporary. That, I can assure you," Frodo stated firmly. As he listened to her declare her love for Rhys, he knew he was right. "That is exactly what I am talking about. When you say you are in love with me, you are lying to yourself Le. You can never be in love with anyone else the way you love or need Rhys," he said softly. "This feeling you have for me is merely an infatuation that will soon pass. But what you have for him, it will never fade. Not as long as you believe in your emotions and listen to your heart." It was the same for him as far as Kait was concerned. No matter how long the fight went on between his sister and Kait, he would always love her and would do anything for her. At this stage in his life, he couldn't even imagine betraying Kait, even as a mistake. She had trusted him with things she hadn't shared with anyone else, and he was not about to break her.

"Just because he is mute, doesn't mean you can't talk to him about things bothering you. He will listen to you Lena, no matter what it is," he told softly as he leaned against the tree once more and rubbed her back soothingly.