Something Right

It was an inconvenient truth that Faye had to face; she didn't want to, but the fact of the matter was, someone had to. Roman wasn't hers, not really. Sure they were trying to make it work, pretend that they were still able to stay together, but the plans that they made, they were nothing more than that - hope. They were the hop of light in the dark. A pretty thought, enough to sustain them for now, but the problem was how long would 'for now' be?

Maybe it would be smarter to continue going forward, to keep order as it is and not try to play with what fate more than they already had. Faye already felt as if she had dabbled in magic that she should not have. By all means she shouldn't be alive now, she felt like Lady Lazarus, as if she were risen from a grave she was mean to be in. Playing with fate was like playing with a loaded gun - and once that gun went of Faye of fearful of what would be left remaining.

Then again, she simply could not bring up these fears to Roman. The thought of leaving him was too painful. Last time they had discussed anything of the type, they had wandered the halls, avoiding each other like they were strangers. If anything happened to their relationship... she didn't know how to let go, not really. The secret to moving on was a mystery to her. A mystery that to be honest she did not with to find out.

What if I change the world? That random thought sent the girl laughing to herself. As if I little thing like her could do anything about the way things were. She had already tried to change her life by abandoning her family, and how well had that gone? No silly little thoughts were fantasies, as mythical as wishing to play about the castles of Fyrier.

No there was nothing to be done about this except either face the truth, or continue to ignore it. Little Faye hands off was tired of always being the first to give and the first to ask. She felt as if she had sacrificed everything in her life. What had anyone given up for her? No, this time if obliviousness was what was required to let her keep something. She was going to do that.

So, there she sat, at a table, watching the world go by, keeping her secrets so tight she felt like she was sleeping with a gun but that was the life she was choosing to lead.

And being so wrapped up in her own thoughts, these own moral problems, she hardly noticed as another person came by, she didn't notice anybody else in the room at all.

Paloma strolled into the Great Hall, weird glances being sent her way. She ignored them and made her way to a nearly-empty table, her attempt at hiding her blue hair under a hat not working. The rest of it could still be seen, one of the only times she hated having long hair.

It hadn't been her fault, really, it was her parent's fault for making her take potions in the first place. She was just trying to be a good student, she knew her flaws and was trying her best in Potions. But things hadn't gone exactly as she planned and boom! Blue hair.

"Hey," the Uchitel greeted the young girl, "Can I sit here?"

Faye's melancholy thoughts were shattered by the sound of a voice, which her naturally timid nature caused her to start at. Though she couldn't help but give a secondary start when she caught a strand of the girl's hair.

"No, you can sit. I do not believe I have a claim over any of these chairs... even if I did I'd let you sit."

She gave a shy, yet kind smile. The hair was still distracting her.

"If you don't mind me asking... I mean, I do not wish to over step, but... why is you're hair blue? From the way you are attempting to hide it, I do not believe you had meant to leave it that way."

Paloma smiled and took a seat, placing her bag under the chair, "Thanks." She could tell the girl was glancing at her new blue hair, but she couldn't help but notice the girl's own hair had changed as well. She hadn't really talked to the girl before, maybe once or twice, but of course she'd seen her around school. Her hair was darker, a bit longer. . . she thought it suited her.

"I like your hair, it looks pretty in this color," she told her and chuckled at her question, looking down at her plate as she did so, "Potions accident." She didn't want to admit she had managed to get it wrong. That she had failed, once again. Really, was there anything she could do right at all these days? But that was the truth, wasn't it? And the truth had to be said. "I was trying to improve my Potion skills, it's not my best subject you see, but something went wrong and tada," she smiled sadly at a strand of her hair, "blue hair. I suppose I'll go to the Infirmary later, see if they have anything to get this blue out, or perhaps the Potions professor would know something. . ."

I just wanted to see if I could fix this on my own, she added mentally.

Giving a bashful grin, Faye played with the ends of her hair, "Thank you. I thought... well I thought it was time for a change."

Giving the girl a sympathetic glance she nodded. She understood that completely.

"I'm not that bad at potions myself.... but I'm not very good at spells. They never seem to work the way I wish them too, and it can really get quite frustrating. If its any consideration, I don't think you look that bad with blue hair."

Paloma smiled softly at the girl and glanced at her hair once again, "Thanks, that does make me feel a bit better but I still don't think blue hair's my thing."

Putting some toast and scrambled eggs in her place, she continued, "As for the spells, they're actually my strongest. Well, some of them. If you need any help. . ." She shrugged, "But I'm sure you'll get them just right soon. After all, practice makes perfect, doesn't it?" And that was what she would do. Again and again and again until she finally brewed a potion without coloring her hair.

Faye nodded her head slightly, "Thank you for the offer. I'll remember it. And I suppose practice is supposed to do that. It has made it better... slightly."

She was being optimistic for the sake of the people around her, they always seemed to dislike when she spoke her true thoughts, trying to lift her spirits. But the fact of the matter was she did not think that she would ever get too much better. It was just something that she would have to live with.

"But, school is dull either way, yes? There must be something more exciting than lessons you're good at."

Paloma thought about it and shrugged, "Sports, I guess I'm pretty good at those. But that hardly matters, they won't take me anywhere in life." Well, it was true, wasn't it? What was she supposed to do with her life by practicing sports? She was a good enough chaser, but good enough to actually play on a professional Quidditch team? She doubted it. And the same thing applied to the rest of them.

"What about you, though? What are you good at?"

Faye shrugged her shoulders slight, "Maybe there is some credit in doing things just for the sake of doing them, and not because they are meant to get you anywhere." It wasn't a judgement sort of statement, just an outright curiosity. Faye was genuinely interested in that possibility.

"I'm good at..." Faye trailed off as a frown crossed her features. What was she good at? Even though she attempted to think of it, she couldn't find an answer, and the longer she thought the more blank her mind grew. Having never been encouraged in much, the young girl had never been set up to think she had a talent for anything, except perhaps displeasing and shaming her family.

"I suppose, I'm good at listening, being... unnoticed?"

Paloma listened to the girl and shrugged, what she said made sense. But would hobbies even matter in her future? Of course, they mattered to her and they mattered now, but when she was older? Was she expected to drop all of that and focus only on her work? She didn't think she could handle it. "I suppose you're right. . ."

She looked at the girl sympathetically and nodded. "Being a good listener is always a good thing. Great thing, actually," she encouraged her, "No one likes people who only talk all the time. Plus, how will you ever learn if you cannot listen?"

"Going by unnoticed at times also has it's advantages," she assured her, "In a war, for example. The soldiers who remain are those who have the power of not being noticed by the enemy. Not that you're going to fight in a war anytime soon," she added quickly, "Or I hope not. But just, well, anyway..." She shook her head and gave her a nervous laugh, "Ignore me."

"It just seems like a sad sort of way to live, to always do things you have to do to get ahead, but might not care for, and never do anything else," her thoughts were far away, on the things and people she had seen, grown up around, and heard and read. Her whole life had been bringing her to this conclusion. "I suppose you have gotten some where by the end of it all... but if you didn't enjoy it, what was really the point? Were you even really living?"

A smile was brought to her face over the words of kindness, almost sympathy. Yet again Faye had managed to make someone feel something close to protective of her (or at least desiring to encourage her) and she had no real idea how she had managed it. She never did, and never was trying. But it seemed they almost always did, "I wouldn't ignore you. I suppose that would be true... though I think I'm far too jumpy to be in a war. All the guns would startle me to death before they could even get a thought about shooting me with a bullet."

The girl's words echoed in her ear. Of course she wanted to be able to do something she enjoyed, but what was the point of it all? She knew her parents had bigger plans for her, she knew they would never allow it. She had studied all these years to get ahead, but for something she didn't want. She didn't want to work in the Ministry, she didn't want to be Minister of Magic. But what good would it do her to quit, would all her years have gone to waste? Deciding not to think more on that, she grinned, "You know, you're pretty philosophical for someone this young. You can add that to the list of things you're good at."

"You're not the only one. I mean, I'd love to fight for something I believe in, but I don't think I could actually do it. Right now, thinking about it is fine. In the field, I'd be more focused than ever. But I think I would probably give up in that little space of time - you know, after I decide I'm going to war, but before I actually go in. I tend to over-think."

Faye gave a sheepish sort of grin, "I guess maybe I will. And sorry if I'm bothering you with it. These thoughts sort of just come out." The fact of the matter was she had a lot of time on her hands to think of such things in the past, and the habit has just seemed to have stuck.

"I think everyone has a moment when they wish to back out," Faye stated softly, "Its a lot of pressure, to realize that you might be volunteering to die for something. Its a scary thing to realize."

Paloma shook her head, "It's okay. It's good to stop and think about life and all that sometimes." One could not live ignorant forever. Though, like some said, ignorance is bliss. She didn't agree. She couldn't live in the shadows, not knowing what happened around her. Maybe she didn't need to know everything, she didn't even want that, but knowledge. . . at the end of the day, she was a Poots. Her family took pride in knowledge and so did she.

"I'd probably back out," she stated, "And regret it later. It is a lot of pressure, and I can't handle pressure as well as some people can."

"Pressure is a hard thing to handle," Faye said softly, with a sympathetic grin, "It is often the ones who have been given too much pressure all their lives, who discover they have no idea how to handle it. Sometimes, people who think they are doing the best for one, just don't..."

And other times, they just don't care about doing the best for you at all.

"The world works in funny little ways, doesn't it?"

Paloma nodded along with the younger girl's words, eating some more food from her plate. "Sometimes they think what's best for them will be best for you. No matter how many times you try to tell them otherwise," she muttered, her eyes fixed on a spot on the table. She shrugged and grinned humorlessly, "It's just how life is, I guess."

"Oh, definitely," she agreed with a small chuckle, and finished her pumpkin juice. "Well, I, uh, I suppose I should get going," she told her and pointed at her hair, "Y'know, take care of this little problem." The Uchitel got up and gave the girl an awkward little wave, "It was nice talking to you, really."

Faye returned the wave with one of her own and a polite little smile at the girl got up, "Yes, it was; hopefully we can talk again sometime." And Faye meant it too, she enjoyed talking to people, nice people,

"I'm sure you'll be able to figure it out. Even if you don't, I do not think the look is all that bad on you, really. Just takes a moment or two to get use to." She gave another little grin a slight chuckle and then pushed back her seat, ready to go herself.