Hard to say sorry

Dylan fingered the letter, the fine parchment and the messy handwriting that belonged to a certain Hrabrost. Or ex-Hrabrost, Dylan wasn't sure that she was coming back. For now, he was satisfied that she came back. Maybe Lora could get better now, and Dylan won't have as much stress. Maybe Frodo could go back the way he was.

Though he doubted Kait and Frodo will get together again.

Dylan rubbed Loras hand in his two hands. His hands dwarfed hers- Dylan had shot up like bamboo in fifth year. Something that Dylan was proud to say that he hadn't been late hitting puberty. Also during that time, his magic gotten a bit better. The hard work to help with his magic was paying off too.

He glanced at the male figure besides him, sighing at the look Frodo has been carrying for months now. Dylan was going to make sure that Kait pays for this.

"You know," Dylan started, hoping to get their mind off of Kait for a bit before she shows up. "Laura should be having her baby soon." He wrapped his arm around Lora's waist, and kissed her head.

The German girl couldn't believe that Kait was finally coming back. Then again, it was the same feeling she had experienced the first time the Hrabrost had run away. Would the redhead even remember her? After all, it's been nearly a year after all.

She held onto Dyl's hand tightly, her fingers interwined with his, scared to let go. She was glad he was there, he could always calm things down in case something happened.

Smiling weakly at his attempt to distract them, she leaned her head against his shoulder and nodded, "I want to see the baby, and you better not give me any excuses for that." Glancing at Frodo, she said softly, "It'll be fine Fro, she's coming back."

Iris calling her a coward numerous of times caused her pride to protest. Iris telling her that Iris will only forgive her if Kait apologized. Dylan's owls caused her guilt to kill her slowly. These were only a small fraction of the reasons that Kait was coming back. As a student, she didn't know. Kait only hoped for now, that they would talk to her. At least a little bit.

Strolling in the Blackened Forest, Kait bit her lip. They were going to hate her. So so so so much. Especially Frodo, her love. Kait knew that her love for the prefect was undeniable, and she couldn't live without him. Why did she even try? Why did she run away? Why was she such a coward? She could stand up to kidnappers, but not her own friends? The drama?

She saw three figures standing together. Two of them, you could tell they loved each other. She knew they were Alora and Dylan- they were still close. That was good. Frodo's figure was slouched though- she hurt him. That much was obvious. She felt her heart break a bit more. I'm so sorry Frodo! I though I was doing the right thing!, She screamed mentally.

Running her fingers through her long brown hair, the natural color, she sighed. She now looked like how she was supposed to look like. Her tattoo wasn't hidden anymore. Kait had her two snakes with her - Gray Moon and Lilith, the baby snake she got from Alexa. Both had been with her during this time, not approving of her choices and scolding her. But they stayed with her.

Lilith curled around her neck and Gray Moon following her, Kait stepped into the clearing. It was time to summon her Hrabrost courage. Time to stop being a coward. Walking towards her best friends and her ex-boyfriend (Kait knew that she done the unforgivable to him) she resisted a sob. What had she done?

"I thought... I was doing the right thing," She whispered, a tear escaping. "Going away. Curing my insanity. Taking away the source too all of this mess."

He didn't want to be here. It hurt too much. It was happening all over again, only this time, the pain last longer and would take an infinite amount of time to heal. He hated to be affected by someone who wasn't even there throughout the year. But it was not just 'someone', it was the one that left him pieces.

Frodo was broken and all his false hopes evaporated.

The Hitrost walked silently beside Dylan and Lora, asking himself why had he agreed to show up. Perhaps a small part of him wanted to see Kait again, just as a assurance at least she was safe and sound. But he knew he could not forgive her so easily like he had the last time.

His friends' words barely registered in his brain and he nodded along absentmindedly. After a few more munutes of waiting, he was ready to turn back, but the figure in front of him stilled him completely.

It was Kaitlen.

His breath caught in his throat and he wanted nothing more than to rush to her. But he couldn't, he couldn't be the nice guy who ended up losing. Not again. He was just being delusional for thinking he and Kait were amazing together.

His heart was in so much pain, because deep down, he knew he still loved her. There would never be anyone else.

"You didn't even bother to talk to me..." he trailed off, his voice portraying the hurt he felt, but made no move to go towards her.

"I know," Dylan told her, not arguing. He kissed her on the head and turned to Frodo too. "Remember, Kait makes mistakes. She thinks that whatever she does, will benefit us."

Then she appeared. She looked older, more stressed. He could see the worry lines, and the miserable look in her eyes. Good, she had suffered. But Dylan was going to add to that. "Hello, Gray Moon and Lilith." Dylan greeted the snakes first, because Kait didn't deserve to be first. She had done too much. Adverting his attention to the brunette, he frowned, and his hold on Lora became tighter.

"As you know, I am not happy with you, Grayson. You caused a lot of misery. But I will let you explain before I start yelling." And Dylan knew himself, that he didn't yell. Everyone of the Seven Devils knew he was the calmest of the group. "You caused a lot of grief, and misery. No matter what your excuse is, the effects of your choices are the same."

Lora's eyes widened in surprise and relief as she saw Kait walk towards them. Though she was angry and wanted to yell at the Hrabrost, she was also infinitely relieved that the girl was still alive and well. Okay, maybe not 'well', but at least here she was.

Before she could say or do anything, Fro and Dyl had spoken. Her sadness only increased at hearing the Hitrosts' tone and once again knew that he was the one who suffered the most from Kait's absence. Her grip on Dyl tightened also, not sure whether the Hrabrost wanted to talk to her or not.

"I missed you Kait," she whispered and bit her lip, trying to focus her gaze on the brunette.

"I-I sent you a note," Kaitlen whispered back, her full attention on him. "I said I miss you, that was from me. I-I wasn't allowed... t-to say anything else, or send you a-another note." Gray Moon wrapped herself around Frodo's leg, rubbing her face against his leg. Gray Moon has always had a certain fondness for the boy- no man now. Frodo isn't a boy anymore. Lilith just hid her head, peaking shyly. Kait had found some time after her hatching, that Lilith was a shy snake.

"You changed, Dylan," Kait whispered, now focusing on the couple. "Your still the calm person I knew though. That's a nice change. Lena... she's different. Too different now... too late for me to say sorry." She wrung her hands nervously. "Your the same, Mango. Your still the forgiving, kind person I know. It.... It makes me guilty. I don't deserve it. Iris though convinced me to come." Kait gave a small bitter smile. "Didn't mean to run into her, but when she realized that I was hiding... I got a certain angry speech from her."

Frodo wordlessly reached into his pocket and took out a piece of wrinked paper. "You mean this one?" He questioned quietly, showing the paper towards Kait. There were visible blotches at a few spots, indicating he had shed tears while reading the note and clutched it at night, hoping it was not some kind of a joke. No matter how much he had wanted to get rid of it, he couldn't. He wouldn't.

"Oh, so your sister had to convince you to come back, huh?" He scoffed and shook his head, a humourless less smile making it's way across his lips. "It's nice to know what would have been your choice of action otherwise."

He had truly believed for a second that she had returned of her own will. But apparently not. As he felt Gray Moon, Frodo sighed and unwrapped her from his leg and let her curl around his arm instead. Ever since he had found out that Kait was a parselmouth, he had made sure to get used to both of her snakes.

"Hey there Gray Moon," he whispered, his finger stroking her head gently. "You should have stayed here with me at least." He knew the snake probably did not understand, but he couldn't help it.

"Allowed?" Dylan echoed, unsure. "Grayson, you never follow the rules. Don't tell me you started now. I might just have to put you under a drug test." Dylan just wanted to break a little bit of the tension, but there was the possibility that there was too much to break.

"A note," He muttered bitterly. "A note." A note wasn't enough for Frodo. He stroked Lora's hair, desperate to do something.

A flood of disgust went into Dylan. "You had to be convinced? Honestly, I thought we meant more than that to you?! Were you even affected by the letters I sent you? Or are you so heartless and cold now to even care?!" If that was true, Dylan wasn't sure if he would let Kait back in his life.

"You were the one that changed the most. Now... you are standing like you are some princess or something. Where were you while you were gone? Why did you leave?"

Under any other situation, Lora would have laughed or at least smiled and rolled her eyes at Dyl's attempt to lighten things up. But somehow, the concept of even letting the tinist of smiles trace her lips, seemed so foreign. It all felt surreal, like something out of one of her nightmares.

For a moment, she just wanted the ground to swallow her up.

She rested her forehead against his shoulder, not wanting to look at Kait as he reprimended her for leaving. Maybe the words were too harsh, but no matter how much she cared for the Hrabrost, she felt the brunette deserved it.

"Why did you have to be convinced? Why didn't you want to come back?" The German girl asked in a whisper, as she clutched Dyl's arm as a reassurance. "Did you like your life better when you left? Is that it? I get it if you don't care about me or Dyl anymore, but I wish you hadn't done that to Frodo."

It was true; more than anything, she felt saddened for the Hitrost. She had accepted the fact on the night of her birthday that no one was going to be there for her constantly other than Dy.

But she knew that for Frodo, the Greek girl was everything; his heart and soul.

"No! No! I didn't mean in that way!" Kait got out quickly, hurrying to correct herself. Why am I so dumb? Of course they will take it the wrong way! She made desperate gestures with her hands to show them that it wasn't the way she said it. "I was going to come back still! Iris just sped up the process and kind of... well, she gave me a speech." The ex-red head wrung her hands together, nervously. "I was scared- I am still. I am scared of seeing you guys angry with me, I l-love you guys so much. I hate seeing you guys angry with me." It took a lot to say that Kait was scared. Kait wasn't a coward when it came to fights and standing up for herself and her friends. But she was a coward to admitting her fears and mistakes.

Greetings youngling, Gray Moon hissed, enjoying the warmth being received by Frodo. We both know that I don't like her mistake, but I am loyal to Kait, who rescued me. They both knew that Frodo wouldn't understand Gray Moon. But Kait gave a wry smile at the remembrance of meeting Gray Moon for the first time.

"I was affected Dylan! Everytime I read those letters, over and over, I wanted to rush back to you guys and beg! But Arkadi persuaded me not to! I was needed in the Holender family- I am still!" She accepted the angry growing inside of her, because she was being accused of not caring, and stormed to him. "I wasn't just laying around on my butt, Veer. I was being trained how to be a true Holender Pureblood- even when I am a Half Blood. I was put in a fake identity. A French Pureblood. You want to see what I looked like!?" Kait waved her wand in a flourished movement, and the pureblood disguise was placed.

"I wanted to come back," She whispered, still in the disguise. "But I was stuck on the fact that I could change my grandmothers point of views, and be a true grandmother. I killed a man, to keep the family on my fathers side safe from his ambitious plans."

Kait turned to Lora with a pained look. "You know it was not my intention to hurting Frodo- or either of you guys. You know that I hold you guys dearly in my heart." Especially Frodo.

"Seeing us angry?! Well, you should have thought about that BEFORE you ran away AGAIN and gave us all an endless worry," Frodo snapped at the brunette. "And don't you fucking say you didn't have a choice, because that is just not you. You never listen or understand how much I worry or but when a letter from a stranger arrives, suddenly you're the good girl who follows the rules?"

The Hitrost wasn't sure what the snake was hissing, but he had a feeling she was probably reprimending him for talking bad to Kait. For once, he didn't care though.

Frodo's eyes widened as she changed her appearance and just like that, he felt he lost the connection he had with her. No. This was not his Kait. His girl was free, and fun....not some pureblood who murders people.

He refused to believe it.

"I-I don't know you anymore, do I? Y-You're n-not the same," he stammered in shock, shaking his head. "I c-can't do t-this anymore, I can't." He mumbled and took a step back, his hands shaking.

"She only thinks about herself," He snarled, his attention to Lora and Frodo now. "She doesn't care about anybody her. As long as her little world inside that sad mind of hers is happy, then it doesn't matter how it affects anybody else." He threw a disgusted look to the now-richly dressed girl. "Frodo, you could have chose better." He would have thrown a comment about how much she was a dirty little snake, but Gray Moon was a snake with a painful bite.

"Stop making up excuses. You are no toddler, even though your maturity make it seem like it. Just say the truth Grayson- you are a coward." His grip on Lora grew tighter, as if he could somehow keep her away from being hurt again from Grayson again. "Admit it, and I might have an ounce of respect for you."

He glanced worriedly at Frodo, and walked over to him. Dylan clasped him on the shoulder, and glanced at Kait. "Do you see the damage you caused?" The Slushatel stormed over to her and looked at her eye to eye. "So your not only a coward now. You are a murderer."

"Dylan! Stop it!" The Slushatel exclaimed to her boyfriend, though she was not surprised at his outburst. He always tended to say what was on his mind without really thinking about it. Turning to Kait, she told quietly, feeling drained from all the events that was unfolding, "Frodo's right, you could have at least talked to one of us before you ran away. When will you ever to look around you, Kait? We do our best to understand, but you have got to do the same for us, if you really care."

She was beginning to worry about Dyl now. She couldn't remember him ever being this angry, except possibly if some guy flirted with her or hurt her. But this was something different. Placing her hand on his chest, as though to stop from walking away, she told softly with a pleading tone, "Come on Dyl, don't talk like that, especially about Fro making a wrong choice. You know that's not true. This is just your anger talking."

Her eyes widened and she watched helplessly as Dyl stormed over to the brunette. He was asking for trouble, she knew it. Kait would never stand bu idly and listen to such things. Taking his arm to pull him away, she told Kait, tears in her eyes, "I love you too, we all do. But...." she trailed off, just wanting to get away.

Kait froze when Frodo cussed. In all her time of knowing him, the brunette never had heard him cussed. She changed him... she did this to him. Frodo wasn't kind to her anymore. He was full of anger, grief, and confusion. Why did she leave him? Why did she make such a mistake? Seeing his reaction to her change, made her realize the truth behind Iris words. "I don't give a damn it if it's a glamour charm or not, it looks hideous, if you must know." If Frodo didn't like it, then she must be hideous. Waving her wand, her natural appearance was now placed. Her hair reached her waist, holding very faint tints of red. "Will..." She hesitated, tears falling quickly. "Will it be easier.... if I left? Not run away... just kept my distance. Stayed away." It would make Arkadi happy if she came back, but the woman will only try to get her to play the French Role again.

"I'M NOT A COWARD!" Kait screamed, the loudness of the scream had hurt her throat. "Cowardness is different from thinking that you are doing the right thing! I was insane Dylan, I wasn't in the right state of mind!" Her hands unclenched, then clenched. He's right there, her violent self whispered. The side she hasn't used in such a long time... so tempting. More tempting than the taste of alcohol. Than the waves on a Greek Beach. Violence made people fear you. Not want to try to overpower you. Violence made you imitating. Go for it, it won't hurt you. He deserves it. So alluring.

The fist connected to his face before she thought to not punch him. It wasn't her best punch-she hadn't thrown one in a while- but it was a pretty good one in her opinion. She didn't even regret it. He called her a coward, and no one was allowed to do that except for Iris. It felt good to release some anger.

"Insanity does funny things to you," Kait whispered as Dylan clutched his nose. "Mine was hereditary, and only cured by a potion I have to take everyday. I also had the insanity I built over the years." She turned around from the slushatel and shook her head. "I can't stand to hurt you guys. Before.... I back away, I need to know that at least you consider forgiving me. Or to at least try to understand."

"I don't know Kaitlen, I honestly don't know," Frodo whispered, unable to look at her. "That is your name, right? Or did you change that also?" He shook his head with a humourless smile, "I have done nothing wrong but try to be there for you when you were in trouble. If you wanted to be alone, you could have just told me, instead of hiding and giving me a scare."

It broke his heart to say those things, but he knew it was true. He could not handle another heartbreak like this, it would kill him. He could not hang onto this sort of pain forever, no matter how much he wanted to. "I need you Kaitlen, but if you cannot understand that and choose to run away everytime, then..."

His eyes widened as the brunette punched Dylan. Then again, the Slushatel's words had also hurt him. "Dylan, you do not have a right to say those things to her, alright?" He muttered angrily as he went towards his friend. Turning to Kait, he said, "In another time, I would have been amused, but I'm not anymore by your actions."

"You were never insane. Or maybe I was being to ignorant to notice it," he scoffed. "I don't know what the fuck that woman has done to you, but it has seemed to make you worse."

Dylan softened at the sound of Lora's pleading tone, and nodded. But his anger was still there. Before he could back away from the ex-Hrabrost, he felt a punch connect to his face. He felt blood sprout from his nose, and reached up to cup his nose. Dylan had got a few broken noses before from fights (though Lora doesn't know). He looked up at Kait, and smirked, even though it helped a little. "There is the old Kait. The one who held on to her anger- not insanity."

He sighed, and looked to Frodo. "Sorry about saying that," He apologized, a tad bit sorry. But he was happy with the result- he got a bit of the old Kait back. "Mind healing this nose? I know that you had taken Healing Classes."

He turned back to Kait. "Is the insanity cured then?"

"What the hell, Kait?!" The German girl exclaimed, too shocked to move from her spot. Though she knew Dyl wouldn't mind, a part of her was beginning to feel frustrated.

"Can't you both just be patient with each other at least once?!" She shouted, feeling tears in her eyes as she recalled the last time Kait and Dyl got into a fight. "I get that you are mad at each other, but honestly, how long is this going to last?!"

Lora was beginning to actually panic. One of the things she could not stand to see was her friends fighting, least of all her boyfriend with her friend. The whole thing overwhelming, and suddenly, she found it hard to breathe.

She wanted to help Dyl, she really did, but for some reason, her feet were moving backwards. The purple haired girl wanted to be mad at them all, but she couldn't.

"I'm going to..." she muttered and trailed off, the tears threatning to spill, before she turned on her heel and ran in the opposite direction, deeper into the forest.

"Yes, my real name is still Kaitlen. I still have my middle name -Atriz- but my last name is Holender now." Kait sighed, and messed with the ends of her hair. "I did have a fake name though. It was horrible honestly. It was all fancy and shiz- What sort of name is Cosette? The French comes up with weird names. I like Russian and Greek ones much better." Kait huffed, and didn't realize that she was babbling and sounded like her old self throughout the whole rant."The French language is weird too," The brunette continued, now shrugging. "It was all romantic and stuff- all uptight in my opinion. And complicated to learn. And to write in. Greek and Russian is much better, again. Heck, even English is better than French. And I don't even like the English language- even though I love the cuss words." Kait laughed sheepishly, then blinked.

"I swear I won't run away again!" Kait swore, crossing her heart. "I will even do the unbreakable vow! Everyday I had woke up, missing you guys! It took me such a long time to accept that my family- except for Iris and Game- that my blood family is not worth talking to!" Her bottom lip trembled at the memory of her drug-addict of a mother.

Kait stared at Dylan. "Dude, your a lunatic. I just punched you and you are happy!?" Kait shook her head, and crossed her arms. "Sorry, but everybody changes. I am not always going to be the 'Old Kait'. Especially when I am the company of pureblood idiots, or my grandmother. Control freaks they are. 'Hold the silverware this way', 'A proper pureblood does not say 'dang'' or, 'You can't listen to screamo music. That is very inappropriate'. Merlin, they have no life except to gossip or count their money." Kait clicked her tongue in disgust. "Or arrange marriage contracts for their kids. Or convince their kids or grandchildren to marry this one person for the 'good of the family'. Arkadi tried that on on me once. I told her to... well, it wasn't very nice. I received a good slap. That old woman has a good arm." Kait laughed a little. She didn't really care- she received worse.

"Yeah," She mumbled. "The insanity is away now. I still have to drink a potion everyday for the rest of my if however, to keep it away. And hope if I get crazy and decide to have children-I will not make a good mother-, that won't inherit it."

The ex-Hrabrost turned to Frodo and Lora with an guilty look. "Sorry... I couldn't help it. I... " Kait shook her head, trying to figure out what to say, when Lora ran away. A few colorful cuss words flew out of her mouth in multiple languages and she chased after her best friend. Months of training enabled to catch up with Lora easily, so she was able to grab her arm. "Lora! I'm sorry!" Kait begged, eyes wide. "I will try to get along with Dylan, and Frodo! With Lena and Anya! With everyone you consider friends! I swear!" Her heart broke at having Mango run away... from her.

For just a few moments, all Frodo could do was stare as Kait ranted on about her life away from Durmstrang. He had so many questions for her, but he realized with surprise, he was content with just listening to her. Though her quick contrast in personality still made him uncomfortable, he was glad for just that brief moment.

The girl chattering away in front of him, was the girl he had fallen in love with.

A ghost of a smile curled his lips upwards, half in amusement as she continued to chatter. He felt like there was a laughter resounding on the inside, though he could barely get the sound out. Once again his curious mind came up with questions, but he was not sure how to ask or what to say.

"It is not funny when someone hits you Kaitlen," was all he said as he moved closer to Dylan to fix the Slushatel's nose. Taking out his wand, he muttered, "Episkey," and was glad it worked, assuring him that he was not completely rusty in his spellwork.

The Hitrost instantly felt bad for Lora, knowing how all this must be making her feel. Knowing that there would no need to urge Dylan, he ran as well, stopping as he noticed both the girls talking, or more like, pleading and shouting. He did not think he should interrupt, they needed to solve this by themselves.