numb

"No," Paloma shook her head, blinking back the tears that were threatening to spill out of her eyes, "no, no, no."

"You have disappointed us, once again," her mother repeated, her strict voice echoing through the walls of the room. "We told you to focus, Paloma. How will you get anywhere in life if you do not focus? We only want the best for you, but how is that possible if you don't want it for yourself?"

"I-I," she stammered, feeling like the small first year once again, scared of being a failure to her parents. So unlike the person she had sworn she would become at the beginning of that previous school year. She had told herself she wouldn't let them control her anymore… she couldn't let them decide everything in her life… it wasn't what she wanted… she wanted - needed - freedom.

She had ended the year back to being that scared little girl. After not getting the prefect badge, her own confidence was shaken and she had tried hard to prove, once and for all, that she was worthy of being a Poots.

But she had failed.

The Uchitel still couldn't understand how she had managed to do that. What had she done wrong? "I-I focused, mum," she managed to say with a small nod, "I did, I swear I did. I studied, I got good marks on my OWL's, I-"

"You are capable of getting O's. That was obvious from the first test you took, back in that muggle school we put you in when you were very young. We've always known you were intelligent. But don't you understand, Paloma? This is what we are!" her mother yelled, pacing around her daughter's room, and picked up a portrait from her desk, that held a photo of Paloma and her classmates from the muggle school.

"Your father's family, even from their early days, has always been one that put knowledge and intelligence above everything. Isn't that why we put you here?" she held up the portrait, "to make you knowledgeable on, not only wizard things, but basic muggle concepts as well? They are known for that. All the family members, you know this, have grown up to be important people in our society. We need you to be the best, so you, too, can follow that same path."

"I did all I could, you must know that!"

"Then tell me," Katherine slammed the portrait down, blue eyes flashing. It was a wonder it didn't break. She took another step towards her daughter who, in turn, moved back on her bed, "Tell me you are the smartest one. Look at me in the eye and tell me you are top of your year. Tell me you are better than the Telsa's daughter or the Vorstenbach girl."

Silence. She had always felt inferior to them, it was the truth. Maybe they were on the same level - whatever, she never really knew where she stood - but she felt as if even 'same level' just wasn't enough. She was raised that way. But to have that rubbed in her face like that, by her own mother. . .

More silence.

Her mother shook her head, "They don't pick just anybody for the Ministry, you know."

The hurt in her eyes were suddenly replaced with anger. The Ministry, of course. It was always about that... about showing off... being someone important... another one of the Perfect Poots'. She didn't want to be a trophy, their prized possession. If she wanted to be in the Ministry, if she wanted to follow whatever career, it would need to be her own choice. She couldn't live being a puppet. "Who said I even wanted to be in the Ministry?" Paloma yelled, a sudden wave of courage hitting her,"That's your dream, not mine!"

"I am your mother! I decide what's best for you!"

"Do I look like a baby? I'm sixteen!"

"When you're a mother, you'll understand. Sixteen is much too-"

Paloma shook her head, a humorless grin creeping on her face, "I'll never be like you. I'll actually love my daughter."

"And you think I'm doing this because I don't love you? Look at all the thing your father and I have done for you!"

"I'm tired!" she yelled, getting up from the bed, "I'm tired of your stupid shit! I've done nothing but study my whole life. I have tried so fucking hard to please you and father, but nothing I do is ever right! You always, always find a way to put me down, what kind of mother does that? A mother who - " She fell seated on the bed, eyes shut, hand going to the spot on her cheek where she was sure there was a burning red mark.

This one had been too strong.

"Do not talk back to me," her mother voiced, calmly, eyes colder than they'd ever been, "Ungrateful child. You are turning out to be just like your sister."

Paloma refused to cry in front of her mother. In other times, she wouldn't have minded. Now, she refused to do it. She'd thought she was used to her mother's words. But it hurt, not just the slap. It hurt knowing what her mother thought of her. And with the hurt, mixed the anger, once again. Those two things seemed to never show alone. Hadn't she done enough? Apparently, no. Her mother was never pleased. She would always want more. She didn't notice one tear had already run down her face, but she swallowed the rest before they could all spill. "Now I finally understand her," she muttered, looking straight at her mother, who had her back turned, "I finally understand, completely, what she feels."

"Then you can go, like her," Katherine replied, not even stopping to think of the consequences of the words she was saying. Not even Alice had been kicked out - she'd chosen to leave.

Stunned. The younger blonde could safely say that was not the reaction she'd been expecting, it hadn't even crossed her mind. She had meant everything she had told her mother, but she had hoped that would make her realize the way she was acting. She had hoped she would understand, try to change, try to- . . . "Y-You-You're. . . You're kicking me out?" her voice broke, barely a whisper. But the room, as the rest of the house, was silent. She'd heard her.

"You have made it very clear you do not wish to be a part of this family anymore, go."

"I only wanted you to stop - "

"Leave!" her mother interrupted once again, face clear of any emotions and voice still as calm as ever. "Pack your things and leave."

She gulped and nodded. Once her mother had her mind made up, there was no one to change it. "What about father?"

"Do you have any doubt that he will agree with me?" Paloma shook her head, regretting the question. Her father would surely be on her mother's side. That was the way it had always been.

"Can I say goodbye to Robert?"

Her mother was already leaving the room, "You can do as you'd like, as long as you do it quickly."

"Are you disowning me?" the daughter asked quietly, before she could stop herself. In the hallway, Katherine came to a halt, thankful the young blonde could not see her. She didn't answer, though she stayed put for a while. As cold as she could seem at times, she didn't think she had the heart to disown any of her children.

"Just go."