I'm Sorry For This

James paced the clearing nervously. His hands and just about his whole body shaking with nerves. He had never done this before, breaking up with someone and he didn't know how to do it, except that he should do it carefully.

The one thing he knew he shouldn't do, well couldn't do, was hurt her, even though James was sure he had alrady done that when he left her house unexpectedly. Running his shaking hands through his hair, he took in long deep breaths trying to calm himself down. It helped a little, but not a lot. He was still nervous as hell.

He managed to sneak out around eleven thirty when he was sure his dad and Ellie had gone to bed. A part of him was sure his dad wouldn't have minded if he knew what he was doing, but either way, he didn't actually want his dad to know. In truth it wasn't his business.

Looking at his watch, the time read eleven fifty-eight. 'She should be here soon.' he thought to himself.

He paced around for another few minutes before hearing the soft footsteps of someone approaching. Turning on the spot, he raised his lit wand and saw Casey walking towards him.

Casey walked lightly towards the clearing James had told her about, denying the entire way what she knew was coming. Because she thought she did- everything pointed towards a break up. He wouldn't do that to her, would he? Not after everything he knew she had gone though, everything she had told him, all the people she'd already lost.

Casey spotted him, his wand out and towards her. She held up her hands. "Easy, it's only me." She blinked in its bright light, shielding her eyes with her hand. "So," she said. She knew she couldn't delay it, and didn't think she could say anything to change his mind. Her face and body shut down emotionally. "Say it," she said, no inflection at all in her tone.

James lowered his wand, and sighed deeply. He was not ready for this part. Casey seemed to know already what was coming, and that broke James's heart even more. Stuffing his wand back into his pocket, he began to kick at the ground nervously.

"Casey, I know that you've been through so much, especially after everything with Liam...but I need you to believe that this is for your own safety." he began, looking her in the eyes. He wasn't going to be a coward and stare at the groud dumbfounded, he had to be a man and look her in the eye.

As he spoke, he could feel his insides turning, and he felt sick. "I know this will sound like bullshit, but please trust me. My father...my father doesn't like you and he doesn't like me being with you, and he threatened to hurt you if I didn't do this. But if I'm to be honest, with you and with myself...I'm just not sure that, that...that you're the one for me."

There, he said it. The truth and all of it. At least he was one of those boys that didn't lie to their girlfriends...or ex now. "I love you Casey, I do, but...it's just...it's just not working for me right now. I'm so-I'm so sorry." he finished.

This time he lowered his head and looked at the ground in shame. He couldn't bear to see the pain in her eyes...or he didn't want to see if there was.

Casey could have handled his dad. She could have handle the threat of harm (since when did she ever care?).

She could not handle James's rejection.

They had talked about the future- so happy and excited with what was to come. It seemed a cruel joke now that there wasn't any future for them. Not anymore. Pain lanced through her, then anger. She turned away.

"You know, I believed you," she said quietly. He could probably barely hear her. "I believed you when we sat there and talked about the future and you told me I was the one." The last word came out twisted and bitter. "The one you wanted to spend the rest of your life with." She gave a bitter laugh. "What a fool I was."

Spinning on her heel, she marched toward him, the anger blazing, voice louder. "Was all that just a joke to you? Something to laugh over with your friends. 'Hey, look at this girl I tricked. She actually believed everything I told her!'" Her voice got quiet again. "'She actually believed in me.'"

Casey turned her back again. "So what are you waiting for?" she asked, fighting back tears. "Go on, leave. I know you want to." She fisted her hands at her sides. She would not cry.

James felt as though he had been slapped in the face, and then stabbed in the heart. He felt as though he was going to break down and die right there, right now. He knew it would be hard and he knew he would feel bad, but he didn't ever expect to feel like this.

Of course it wasn't a joke to him, he had never intended to "trick" her as she said, he never intended to hurt her. Everything he said was true, about her being the one...it just seemed that, over time, he had begun to re-think things. She was only his first girlfriend after all. He wasn't sure he wanted to commit himself to his first love, no matter how much he loved her.

He worded these thoughts to her, and knew that she would probably hate him more, but it was the truth, he wouldn't dare lie to her, not if she could see his emotions, she would be able to tell he was lying and that would have angered her more.

"Casey, I-I..." but words seemed to escape him after that. He wasn't sure what to say. Casey's words burned through him, but it seemed, however sad and terrible he felt, he was angry too. He didn't understand why she couldn't just accept that she wasn't the one for him?

She was only his first girlfriend, he said things that he meant at the time, but obviously didn't think ahead on. People did that, said things and meant them, but then changed their minds as they grew up.

Curling his hands into fists and glaring at the ground, he decided he couldn't take it anymore. It was over, he had done what he had to, said what he needed to. If she couldn't take it, and he couldn't take it then he would leave. And that's exactly what he did.

He didn't want to prolong the goodbye, and it was better that he left now, rather than later. Though he normally wouldn't have just stormed off, the anger and hurt inside of him, forced him to turn and walk away, heading towards home.

Casey's fists clenched as she watched him walk away. She would probably regret the things she said later, but right now, she was hurt and she was mad. "I'm leaving ," she called out after him suddenly. It was a spur of the moment decision, but she knew it was true as soon as she said it. She'd go look for her sister, leave all this behind. "You probably won't see me again."

Then she turned on her heel and walked away, slowly at first, then picking up speed til she was sprinting through the trees, dodging left and right between the trunks. She ran away from her feelings, just like she did before, straight out of her body. She ran til her lungs burned and her legs ached and she couldn't think, just move.

Then she ran some more, til all that was left was motion and pain.