It's my house and I'll cry if I want to (Open)

After tossing and turning in her bed for what felt like hours - but in actuality couldn't have been much more than one - J. J. gave up. With a force spurned on by frustration she flung back her covers, grabbed her wand and the papers off her side table and charged down to the empty common room.

She flopped down into a chair near the fire and against her better judgment once more went over the words that had caused her such distress only hours before.

False words, hollow words - no words at all.

It wasn't what the letters said that bothered her, not really. It was what they didn't say.

Rejection. That was what was staring at her bold in the face - her family's final rejection. They were too kind to say it, but J. J. could feel it none the less.

Suddenly her frustration bubbled into a cold burning rage that swam up from her stomach and flooded her limbs, mind and mouth.

With a small growl she tore the paper in half.

And then she did it again - and again - and again.

"Stupid parents," she murmured with venom as she chucked the reminisce of one letter it to slowly dying fire, "Stupid siblings," she cursed as another one, "Stupid family," her voice grew slightly with each word, as did her venom.

"And especially, stupid god damn magic for ruining my god damned life," she said in a normal voice, but due to the quiet of the common room sounded more like a yell.

With a sudden burst of inspiration, she dived for her wand, ready to chuck it into the flames along with the paper.

But then she stopped; her arm shaking as she held the wand over the flame she stopped, becoming aware of what she was doing.

Her rage bubbled and then burst morphing into what it always was - pain, hurt. Suddenly her shoulders sagged and it was like a damn in her burst. The tears she had been rejecting flowed from her eyes.

But still she could not put the arm holding the wand down.

"What am I doing?"

Damian couldn't sleep. Or, more accurately, he couldn't fall back to sleep. The boy didn't really sleep a whole lot, actually. He just didn't seem to need as much rest as some.

Disentangling himself from his bedclothes, he stuck his feet into his slippers and made his way out to the common room, rubbing his eyes a bit as he shook off the last remnants of slumber. Noticing someone else in the dimly lit chamber, he opened his mouth to issue a greeting, then froze, eyes widening.

Darting across the room, he reached out and snatched the wand from the girl's hand, whirling to face her. "What are you doing?!" he demanded.

J. J. blinked as her wand was suddenly wrenched from her hand. Slowly, as if freed from a spell, she let the arm drop.

She looked from the fire, to the boy who had shown up. She had to blink a couple of times before her brain could even register that it wasn't some stranger - it was Damian.

"I-I-" she stuttered for a long moment, absentmindedly whiping away tears as more kept coming down.

Her brain didn't seem to be working properly anymore. What was she doing?

Finally she turned back to the flames, watching them consume the last of her letters. When she spoke again it was soft, barely more than a whisper, "I don't know."

Damian was fuming a bit, ready to scold her for her actions. Didn't she know how stupid destroying her wand could possibly be? For some wizards and witches, it could destroy their magic, as well!

Opening his mouth to do just that, he halted, noticing how upset she seemed.

"Hey," he spoke quietly, instead. "You alright?"


(OOC: So sorry for the long delay! I was distracted. >.< I apologize!!!)

If she had really been paying attention, she would have noticed that Damian was about to yell at her - she deserved to be yelled as.. she was being- she was...

What was she?

So it would have been a bit of surprise when instead he asked her if she was alright.

But since J. J. wasn't focusing on a whole lot she just heard the last statment and has almost no control over the bitter laugh that escaped her lips in response.

"Never better," she intoned her voice dripping with hard sarcasim, "Having the time of my life right now - completely peachy."

Damian frowned at the girl. She was obviously upset, so, he wouldn't blame her too much, but still...

"It's not my fault," he pointed out, his own tone a bit sharp. "Has to be a right mess if you're stupid enough to try and burn your wand."

Damian's tone - just a little bit irked - was enough to snap through some of the mess that was going on in her head. She sighed. What was she turning into? The boy was just trying to be nice and that was how she acted?

"Sorry," she said softly - weakly really, "I know it's not your fault. It's just..." she trailed off into a hollow laugh, "Apparently I turn into an insensitive brat when I'm having a mental break down. Who would have thought?" she tried to smile but the action just felt awkward on her face. It was like her muscles had forgotten how to do it.

She looked around her and saw one letter, curled between herself and the chair. She picked it up. The only letter to escape her rage. It was one from Zach. One of the better ones in all truth. She smiled sadly.

"I wasn't going to do it," she said softly, barely audiable, "At least I don't think so; I mean I started to, but then I stopped... I just hadn't put my arm down..." yet was what she was going to say, but really was she so sure she would have done it if Damian hadn't come into the room?

'Stupid' that was a good word to discribe her - she was very, very stupid.

The boy eyed her thoughtfully for a moment. "You wanna talk about it?" It was the same phrase his sister used on him when she could tell he was upset about something. Damian figured it was worth a try.

J. J. looked over at the boy; she smiled softly, not exactly happily, but still a smile, "I'm not sure if that would make much of a difference."

She continued fiddling with the paper in her hand, letting memories of simpler times run through her head. People who grew up knowing they had magic don't know how lucky they were. Thing may get messy at times but never...

The words that came out of her mouth did so of their own accord. It was more like she was thinking allowed than actually posing a question.

"Do you ever wonder what life would have been like if you didn't have magic?" she paused for a moment before continuing, this time with more energy, actually aware of what she was speaking, "And I don't mean if you didn't come to hogwarts or just didn't use magic - I love Hogwarts I do - but I mean if you think back to the moment when you first knew you had magic, when you were different, or special or however you looked at that moment, if you look back at that time and it never happened. You never developed magic - it never existed. Do you ever wonder what your life would have been like then? If it had all just gone the way Muggle's assume it's supposed to."

"I always knew I had magic," Damian stated. "I mean, my parents are muggles, but my sister always knew - she could sense it. So, she taught me everything cos our parents couldn't.

"Sometimes, what with how some muggles are, it wasn't always easy being different," he admitted, thinking especially about the year preceding Hogwarts. "But... I'd rather be special.

"Some people are really, really smart, or can play the piano or something really well - how is magic so different? Isn't it just a talent, too?" Damian asked. "Muggles think they're better because they believe they're normal and we're not. I think they're just jealous cos they'll never be able to do what we can. Who wouldn't want magic if they could choose it? I mean, d'you think there'd be planes if they didn't wish they could fly?"

J. J. smiled a bit, this time a bit more geniuine than any of her previous attemps, "I love flying... real flying that is, not the Muggle one."

She bit her lip again, thinking over what had been said and what she felt.

"I like being special too... I think." she paused a moment and sighed, "It's just hard sometimes you know... well your sister has magic so maybe its different for you but... I had always been my family; the youngest of four in a not so big community, if someone doesn't know you as Zach's little sister, than it's Abby's or Simon's," she paused and shrugged, "After a while that's who you become. I guess I can escape that here but the problem becomes..."

She fingered the last letter she had, the letter that tethered her to the past, her family, her old life.

"I don't know who I am without them. And it's starting to seem like most of them don't want me."

Damian considered what she said for a moment.

"Theo always told me that I can be whatever I want - the greatest wizard ever, even," he began. "I just gotta be willing to work for it, yeah? The people you know, family and friends, they are part of who you are, but they're mostly just additions." Damian swallowed, adding a bit more quietly, "Used to be, I had a lot of friends before I came here. When they want to be, anymore, I... I didn't stop being Damian Gray. I just had to find a new way to be him."

Damian gave a small smile before scrunching up his brow a bit. "That probably didn't make a lot sense, huh?"

J. J. let out a soft laugh, surprising herself slightly, "I think I managed to get it."

"I different J. J.," she mulled softly thinking it over in her head. How would she do that. Maybe she should go back to just being Juliet, not J. J. Wouldn't it be ironic that to become someone seperate from her family, she actually started using the the name her parents gave her.

"Maybe I should change my hair colour," she snorted softly, "I know a spell for that; it's supposed to work on anything - I'm supposed to practice it anyways."

She went to get her wand before remembering Damian still had it. She didn't bother asking for it back yet. Who knows she might accidently do the spell anywas, and she wasn't entirely sure she knew how to get her proper hair colour back.

"How do you think I'd look with orange hair?" she more or less joked.

Damian laughed. "Orange orange, or ginger?" he asked. "I think your hair looks fine, now. Orange would certainly be different, though. Maybe I should try blue for mine. What d'you think?"

"orange orange of course," she laughed softly, twirling a strand of hair around her finger to look at it, "What's the point of changing it's colour if you're going to pick something mundane?"

She appraised the boy thoughtfully, making an effort to appear as if she was seriously concidering the suggestion, "I like blue. It would match your eyes."

She smiled softly, getting distracted by thoughts for a moment. Then she held out her hand.

"Give me my wand back and I'll change it for you right now - do you want bright blue, deep blue or electric?" She laughed, glad to be joking and having pushed the melancholy thoughts away for now.

"Fine," Damian agreed with a grin, handing over her wand now that it seemed unlikely she would try casting it into the fire. "But just my hair, though. I don't want my skin to be blue, y'know.

"Hmm... how about deep blue, then?"

J. J. took her wand back relishing the feeling of it in her hand. She couldn't believe she had even thought about burning it, let alone almost do it.

"Please," she scoffed, "of course I would just change your hair - what do you take me for?"

She held up her wand, and then paused a moment, "Just one minute."

She took a long moment to memorize his present hair colour - she wanted to make sure she could turn it back. That would be a disastor.

Once she was perfectly confident she had it in her head - she had a good memory and imagination. That was possibly why she had a nack for such charms; she held her wand up.

"Just remember, you gave me power to do this," she smirked softly, "Deep blue it is."

In her minds eye she thought of the sparkling blue of the ocean - lots of water with the sunlight twinkling off of it. It was the best blue she had. Making sure she only had his hair in her head she took a deep breath.

"Colouris Mutation."

Squinting a little - scared that she some how screwed it up - J. J. opened her eyes and then smiled. His hair was the perfect shade of dark blue.

She couldn't help but let out a giggle, "Perfect."

Miss Mad would be proud.... if she could get over the fact that J. J. performed a spell on another student with out supervision in the middle of the night in the commonroom that is.

Damian sat still as J.J. cast the color-changing charm. Once she was finished, he jumped up to go over to the mirror on one of the walls to see for himself.

"It's brilliant!" he declared with a huge grin. "I'm gonna leave it like this."

J. J. laughed as he looked at his reflection.

"You certianly will stick out in a crowd," she commented, "If anyone asks though... you don't know how it changed, you woke up like that. I'm not entirely sure the staff would be as amused by the transformation as you are."

Damian scoffed. "Of course I won't," he declared. "I'd never give up my partner in crime."

He laughed. "You know what they say - it's easier to ask forgiveness than permission."

"Good," J. J. smiled.

She laughed along with the boy, "Let's just hope this time we don't have to do either."