Last regrets (Ric and Soph)

He paused on the edge of the cemetry and took a quick glance around, if his brothers death had done anything it had made him more weary and cautious. He took a deep breath and frowned. "I don't even know where he is, i never asked." He said toying with his wand nervously. "I was never allowed to go to the funeral, not that i complained i couldn't go anyway. I was a coward and couldn't face his family." He said wiping away a stray tear as his eyes began to well up.

He held out his hand for her to take and turned to look at her. "Help me look please." He begged, he couldn't do this alone.

Sophia gave him a soft smile, sliding her hand into his. "Of course," she agreed. "We'll look together." She took a step forward, squeezing his hand reassuringly in the hope to lend him a bit of strength and comfort. She knew this was hard for him.

He gave her a little smiled and allowed her to lead, he didnt have the courage to lead himself. Hell he didn't even know if his brother wanted him there, he could just be pissing him off by coming to see him. He didn't after all deserve to be here, he had let his brothers down and that had resulted in one of their deaths.

"Together." He nodded looking at the first gravestone and feeling both slightly relieved and disappointed to find it wasn't Stark, the same feeling happened after each time they passed a new stone. They came to one grave and he just knew it was him, he sensed it in his bones and that made the whole thing both reassuring and scarier.

He glanced at the stone and dropped to his knees. It looked so bare and empty compared to the others, as if no one had visited it since his death. He ran his fingers over the head stone, trying to find a sense that his brother was here but nothing came he just sat staring at the same words:


He cried harder and wiped away a tear. "Nothing, i always thoughts id feel him here. But theres nothing." He cried dropping his hand and head and he lets all his tears from the past few years out.

She watched as Asric began to cry, her own heart aching in empathy.

Sophia knelt beside him, placing a gentle hand on his shoulder. For a moment, she simply kept him silent company. She sensed that he had yet to let himself mourn in such a way; had yet given himself an opportunity to let go. She would grant him that. But after a moment had passed, she did speak, tone soft and soothing.

"It would seem that only you have yet to move on, Ric. It was already so long ago - no one expects you to forget, but can't you forgive yourself, just a bit? Your brother isn't holding on to the past. Why is it that you must torture yourself in such a way?"

He nodded. He knew he hadn't yet moved on but he just couldn't bring himself to let go. He deserved to suffer for what happened, but he knew his brother would never blame him but thats what made it all even worse. No one blamed him and that was the worse kind of torture possible for him.

He sighed and wiped away his tears. "Which brother? Stark? He can't hold onto it because he's dead or you talking about Ace? It wasn't Ace's fault and i dont even know where he is anymore, hes gone insane with revenge." He said pulling out his wand to make a black and charcoal wreath with a picture of a dire wolf printed onto the front, the wreath of a hunter. "He should have gotten one of these the day he was buried, who care if he died early he was the best hunter we had." He said the anger he felt towards his master helped to cover his grief.

"I don't know, i just can't help but think of how he would be now if i had just checked that stupid creature to make sure he was dead." He said rubbing his forehead.

"I disagree," Sophia countered. "If the dead cannot hold on, why then do we have ghosts? Ghosts remain because a person cannot let go, even in death.

"I think I know which brother you are, now," she said, reaching out her hand to caress his cheek. "The one who feels he must bear responsibility for everything. It's a terrible burden to carry, Asric, nor is it fair. Can't you see that?"

Her efforts were probably in vain, she knew - what were a few words in comparison to years of guilt and self-recrimination? But she had to try. No one should be so tormented, no matter what mistakes they had made. Mistakes could be atoned for, after all.

He runnbed his forehead as he thought. "You know the worse thing about all this? I know he doesn't blame me, no one does but they should. For year people have been avoiding the subject of Starks death, but even when it did get brought up people felt sorry for me. Not Stark, or his family, me! What did i do to deserve that? It was my brother that should have got that not me. Instead they acted as if he didn't exist just because he didn't make the 10 year hunters code." He said his whole order had annoyed him for years.

"Life isn't fair Soph, i've learnt that the hard way." He frowned.

"Aye, it is true he ought not be easily forgotten, but have you ever thought that perhaps their sympathy towards you was because they knew how much you blamed yourself? How hard you would take Stark's death?"

With an impatient sigh, Sophia did something that was bit out of character for her. She snapped at him.

"Of course life isnae fair! But if naethin' else, shouldnae ye at least be fair tae yourself?!"

"I didn't need sympathy, i needed someone to tell what what i did was wrong and that i should be more careful instead of being a self idiot. I was reckless and it cost my brothers life. I should have at least got told that, instead i got sympathy and that is not what i deserved." He said moving the wreth to position it better in front of the head stone.

He smiled a little, finally someone stood up to him. He just didn't expect it to be her. "That is easier said than done Sophia, i've been like this for years i can't just change like that." He sighed he wanted to change he really did, but he feared about forgetting his brother. "Timor non est alicubi nisi in animo, Fear doesn't exist anywhere except in the mind. I'd forgotten about that and i allowed fear to creep into my mind." He said taking a deep breath as he closed his eyes.

Sophia turned his face so that he had to meet her eyes. "You were wrong," she told him. "You shouldn't have been so reckless. You should've been more careful.

"There, now. You've been told. You don't to say it to yourself, anymore."

She took one of his hands in hers. "Aye, but habits can be reformed, Ric. Through effort, but they can. I could help you..."

He nodded, that was what he needed but it didnt help. She only said it because thats what he needed to hear. "Thank you but your not the one i needed to hear that from." He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, the wind around him reacting to every intake he took. The wind picked up, lifting the leaves off the ground and making them swirl in a circle around Starks grave.

As soon as he opened his eyes again everything stopped and the leaves fell gracefully back to the earth. He smiled softly and looked at her hand in his. "Thank you, you are more than i deserve." He said leaning in to place a quick kiss on her lips. "I need a drink." He frowned, he promised himself he'd quit but he really needed a drink.

"Perhaps not," Sophia agreed softly.

For Sophia, the kiss was far too brief, but she didn't complain. Instead, she quipped, "That may be, but you're not the only one doing the choosing." She smiled at him, then rose to her feet, tugging on his hand.

"Come along, then. I'd say, given the circumstances, you're more than entitled to a drink or two."

He followed her and got to his feet and his face lit up at the mention of drink. He'd been dying for a drink for days now, ever since he had quit it was the only thing on his mind. "Yeah... you're right." He smiled pulling her in close, lets apparate." He smirked before turning them on the spot and landing them both just inside his front door.