Just Can't Help It (Open)

Water rushed down the sink and Iva leaned over it, gasping for air. Her hair draped into the sink, drenched with water. She steadied her shaking hands against the sink, another round of dry-heaves over coming her.

It had never been this bad before, she thought. Never. She had often come to this bathroom to hide away in the middle of the day if she had become panicked, but this was a different story.

God, she thought she had this handled.

Something had triggered her panic attacks over dust and dirt, so she had found her way here to cry and become sick, which caused more trouble.

"Are you alright, Iva?" A voice from behind her sniffed. Iva smirked and forced herself to stand up straight to address her unlikely friend.

"Y-yes," She stammered, before leaning back over, "Thank you, Myrtle,"

(OOC: I hope it was okay I GMed Myrtle))

There were people everywhere. Had the school been this crowded last year? Ondrea couldn't remember. All she knew was that the train had been crowded. The halls were crowded. Her classes were crowded. The common room was crowded. The great hall, especially, was crowded.

There were people. Everywhere.

In a state of panic, Ondrea fled one corridor to another. Down a staircase and along another corridor. Around a corner. Place to hide. Place to hide. Place to hide... The girl jerked open a door and darted inside, sliding down with her back against it once it was closed. She rested her head against her knees, hands tangling in the back of her hair. She couldn't hear anything for a moment over her frantic breathing and roaring in her ears.

Therefore, it took her a moment to realize the room wasn't as vacant as she had hoped.

Ondrea let out a sound that was more desperate sob than rueful laugh. "Sorry," she murmured without moving. "J-just o-one mo-ment..."


OOC: Meh, Myrtle's free game, I say.

Iva heard the large bang of the door and jumped, her face a burnt red. Hiding her face, she looked back at the water to ignore the girl.

Myrtle, on the other hand, was not ignoring the poor girl.

"People only visit poor old Myrtle when they are panicked!" She crooned, "[i]No one wants to visit the dead, do they!? It always 'I have to use the bathroooom! I'm having a panic attack! I'm hiding from bullies!"

A book flew through the ghost's head. Iva looked over the sink, a growl in her voice.

"For the love of God, shut up!"

Myrtle. Second-floor girls' bathroom, then. Ondrea groaned.

"You are... every bit as self-absorbed and whining as everyone says, aren't y-ou?" she gritted.

She looked up in surprise at the other girl's voice. Iva Popov, third year Slytherin.

"S-sorry," Ondrea said again. "D-didn't mean to dis-turb you." She pushed herself up off the floor, drawing a deep breath to fortify herself for facing the corridors once more.

Iva held up a hand to stop the girl from leaving. Andrea? Endra? Oh, she forgot.

"You. Stay." She commanded, lifting herself from the sink. Looking in the mirror, Iva wiped her mouth and sighed. The mere fact the girl had been sitting on the bathroom floor drove her insane. An itch came across Iva's arms as she thought, so she started to scratch- Hard.

"You need to be here too, yes?" She gave a ghost of a smile, "We all need a place to stay,"

Ondrea pulled her hand back from the door and nodded slowly. She brushed off her robes, then made her way to one of the sinks where she proceeded to wash her hands, again and again and again. It wasn't so much to get them clean as a way to release some of her anxious energy.

Finally turning off the facet, Ondrea stood with her hands still wet, dripping water into the sink.

"I... I ha-ave s-social anxiety," she said to her palms. "And th-there's just... so... many... p-people." She scrunched her eyes shut, drawing in several slow breaths. Merlin, she was such a bloody mess!

Iva looked at the girl with admiration. She could admit her problems, unlike Iva. Iva had stopped scratching her arm and pulled her hair back into its long braid again.

She swallowed her pride for a split second- only a second, then looked away.

"It is okay. I have Mysophobia," She admitted. "Fear of germs,"

Iva looked at the ground, her hands bunched up in balls. "It sucks to not be normal,"

"G-germs are a legi-itimate f-fear, I think," Ondrea said, finally grabbing a towel to dry her hands. "Th-they're e-verywhere, after a-all."

She gave a rueful smile, calming despite the presence of Iva and the sulking Myrtle. Myrtle didn't really count much, however. Ghosts weren't one of Ondrea's phobias.

"I-I'm afraid o-of lo-ots of things," she offered, then added very quietly, "I remember being normal." Ondrea turned her gaze to Iva. "Th-that was a v-very long ti-ime ago. I was... s-six."

Iva looked at the girl and saw the strange desperation she had seen in her own eyes a few second earlier. Some how, this scared her deeply, to see someone in emotional pain. So, against her nature, Iva smiled at the girl.

"Now go," She said, "Tell me about it. When you were six."

"I-it's not really tha-at interesting," Ondrea stated. She turned and leaned back against the sink.

"I w-was adopted wh-when I was four. D-don't re-member it. My fa-amily is c-caucasian. Whe-en I was six, I-I asked my br-brother why I l-looked dif-ferent, and he t-told me." Ondrea drew in a shaky breath. "H-he told me it wa-as b-because my biologic-cal fa-family wanted t-to kill me. F-for having magic. So... so I st-started to be a-fra-id of everything. An-and it got w-worse and worse. No-ow, my pa-parents are gonna m-make me t-talk to someone."

While she was speaking, Ondrea had started to wring her hands together, not wholly conscious of the action.

IVa nodded as if she could understand this problem. Truthfully, she lived in a separated, white family that barely communicated, so she couldn't understand.

"Well, you are talking about it now, yes?" She shrugged, "It is not that hard,"

Iva suddenly stood straight up and smiled. She walked to the window and opened it.

"Come here- I show you something,"

"Y-yeah," Ondrea agreed ruefully, "b-but you p-probably won't try t-to sh-shrink me and ge-et into my h-head."

She watched as Iva went over to the window, hesitating a bit before she joined the younger girl. "Wh-what is it?"

Iva grinned, an evil grin in her eyes. "I am already in your head, yes?"

She leaned out the window, gesturing to the grounds. "See all of those people? They are all people who will not try to hurt you or kill you.
She looked back, throwing her hair over her shoulder. "Because they will all understand you, yes? They are... Fam-mile? Family? Whatever,"

Ondrea gave a small laugh. "I suppose," she agreed.

She nodded slowly, biting her lip, as she observed the people below. "Th-they won't hu-urt me for h-having magic," she said. "B-but I'm sc-scared of everyth-thing." Ondrea picked at her fingers a moment. "A-and there's o-other reasons th-they wo-on't like me." She gave Iva a grateful smile.

"Thank you, though. I a-appreciate it."

She chuckled gravely, looking outside the window with a far away gaze. "There is no reason to not like you,"

She leaned out, looking into the breeze. "Me, on the other hand. I am horrible person. People hate me a lot,"

Ondrea looked at Iva and opened her mouth, only to close it, again, that horrible anxiety clenching her chest. But there was something about actually talking to someone, about confessing to how very screwed up one was. It was well nigh addicting, is what it was.

She moved away from the other girl, facing away towards the sinks, hands still fidgeting restlessly. Ondrea let out a long breath. The Ravenclaw probably would have been best just saying that she didn't think Iva seemed that horrible, or that worthy of hatred. Instead, what came out of her mouth was the last thing Ondrea ever wanted to confess to anyone, even her own family.

"I like girls."

Iva looked back at the girl with confused eyes. The Slytherin was about the say something spiteful, but she couldn't do it. Not to this girl anyway.

"It is okay to, you know," She gripped the window, her jaw set. The words of her father rang in her head, clear as day. Those people are disgusting, Ivan. Don't you ever become like that- you are already enough of a disgrace.

But, Iva wasn't her father. She turned around to look at the girl.

"It is okay,"

((OOC: Yes, her father calls her Ivan.)

Ondrea wished to take back the words the moment they left her mouth. She couldn't, of course. All she could do was wait for the other girl's response.

When it finally came, Ondrea let out a skeptic laugh. "It isn't," she contradicted. "I-it's abno-ormal. G-girls sho-uld like guys.

"Th-thanks for sa-aying so, though." Ondrea gave a small shrug, yet still couldn't bring herself to meet Iva's gaze again. "W-why do you thi-ink y-you're a h-horrible per-son?"

"Because my Father said so," SHe said simply, as if this was normal. Iva looked out the window, then to the mirrior. The girl who looked back had such sad eyes. It took her a second to realize this was herself- not someone else.

"I am just a stupid girl," Iva liked the way these words burned in her thoat. "I do not deserve anything nice,"

Brown eyes finally lifted, for once voice of everything, save conviction.

"He's wrong," Ondrea stated, speaking slowly in a grand effort not to stammer. "A ho-orrible person isn't accepting. A horrible person... only knows h-how to make people feel bad."

Iva let out a laugh that sounded a bit too close to insanity.

"That is me! Horrible!" She declared, slamming her hand into her chest. "I hurt people and do not want to! I do things so people wll notice me for once! I want to hurt myself! I hate myself-!"

Iva turned around- she had said too much. SHe waved her hand in the air.

"Nevermind,"

Ondrea bit her lip. "I-I am pr-probably the e-easiest per-son to hurt, at this s-school," she said. "An-nd I just t-told you something I n-never told a-nyone else. B-ut you re-reassured me, ins-stead.

"It's n-ot wrong to w-want to be n-noticed, e-either." She paused to draw in a shaky breath, then added quietly. "And I thi-ink I know better than a-anyone what it's like to ha-ate your-self. To f-feel so pathetic... you think it mi-ight be better if you d-didn't exist. I know. T-too well."

Iva nodded in agreement, her eyes brimmed with tears. She wiped them away as they fell, cursing herself. Crying?! In front of a Ravenclaw!? God, she was weak. What would her father say?

"This is stupid," She hiccupped, pulling hands over her face. "This is all stupid,"

She pulled in a shaky breath before whispering, "I wish I was someone else."

Ondrea gave a sad smile, nodding her own agreement.

"Looks like we live in the same world," she murmured quietly. She wrapped her arms around herself. "S-sometimes... I wonder. I-if I didn't kno-ow - that my p-parents wanted to ki-ill me - would I b-be normal? I-I'll never kno-ow and I c-can never be so-omeone else. No ma-matter h-how much I w-wish."

She gave a sardonic laugh. "The w-world is v-very stupid."

Iva sighed, shaking her head. "I wonder that too,"

She looked out the window again. "I just wish that my fears did not stop me from doing what I wanted." Something in her face changed from self-loathing to sad again. "I want to be able to play with things and hug people without fearing about sickness. I do not want to be messed up, yes?"

Iva turned to her, smiling sadly. "Maybe we have should switch parents." Letting out a small giggle, Iva turned to the toilets, hoping to bother Myrtle again.