Not really a big loser. [SO OPEN!]

Iris came into the Great Hall, feeling grumpy that she had realized earlier that she was getting somehow fatter than she had been before. One look through the mirror and she knew it. Blame it on the candy. And that stuff were not even finished. What a good waste of money. Thank Merlin for that. There she was before, on her usual second year diet. And now here she is again, getting that thing out from the trash once more and being the obedient one to follow the rules. She had to get used to this routine somehow. Eat. Feel like you're gaining weight. Then starve yourself until death. She needed to stick to one side only. But how in the world?

The Slytherin sighed and took a seat away from the others. She gazed at the mouth-watering delicacies of a splendid evening of dinner in front of her. Man, they're good. But she can't be tempted. Iris leaned her head against her hand and lazily put the vegetables on her plate. Back to basics. She's sort of moody lately. And she took notice of that too. What a week to start it all off.

Iris entered the Great Hall, eager to have her dinner. Normally she didn't feel so hungry but all that extra flying around and physical education made her crave for food. She didn't even bother to choose; just pickee whatever she could get her hands on. She looked around for a place to sit and then spotted Eye.

She walked over to the Slytherin table and sat next to her friend. She grinned at Eye but her smile faded when she saw that the Slytherin seemed to be feeling down about something. "What's wrong?" She asked immediately, not bothering with small talk.

Iris forced a smile at her Gryffindor friend, who didn't seem to bother that she was sitting on the wrong table, and grunted at herself for exposing this kind of attitude. She shrugged and merely muttered, "Crap. I'm on diet again."

She took out the chocolates from her pocket, the very reason she was like that, and offered Grayson most of them. Obviously, all the Slytherin wanted was to get rid of them finally. And never see them or even taste them perhaps.

"Go on. Take them. Please? I think I bought so much from Honeyduke's."

Thinking that her friend was joking, Iris laughed lightly but stopped abruptly when she realized that Eye wasn't kidding. "You do know that's a completely mental idea, right?" She asked, raising her eyebrow. "Who the hell said you need to diet? I can beat up the person if you want," she offered, half joking and half serious.

Iris looked at the chocolates with an amused expression. "I'll just take half cause I have my own sugary problems to worry about." She told and grinned. "And there's no harm in you eating some once in a while."

Iris tried to laugh along and smile. But no matter how hard she would hide that depressing feeling of hers, she can't. And after all, Grayson seems like the person who can understand. Or just slightly get her problem. No matter with that part.

She smiled shyly instead and put up some ridiculous joke that can lighten up the situation. She wanted to be sarcastic still, and the wholesome side of hers.

"Uh . . . okay. Beat me now? 'Cause I am the one who said to myself that I must go on a diet again? Yep. Maybe I am mental after all. You should know." Iris said with her brow raised and frowned at the chocolates she was still holding at the moment. She threw them on the table and continued on eating her vegetable salad.

Iris frowned at her Slytherin friend. "Why would you think that you're fat? I think you need to get your eyes checked." She told. "I have to admit, I'm kinda disappointed though. I thought maybe I could hurt someone for making you feel bad." She commented and hugged Eye.

"Oh sweetheart, I already know you're mental. And I am more mental because I still stick around, even after knowing that." She replied and winked at Eye. She laughed lightly as the Slytherin threw the chocolates on the table. "Please show them some respect." Iris said, pretending to be dramatic and grinned.

Iris turned her head face down on the table and punched herself that hard. Sh murmured something unintelligent and tilted her head back up. Her eyes almost swelling with tears, she sniffed loudly as she stared at her friend, then filled her goblet to the brim with pumpkin juice. She hesitated at first with a sigh and started to gulp a mouthful of the liquid again and again.

"I'm hopeless! I feel nothing! I'M A LOSER! I'm just a crap of a girl from Slytherin who's practically mental and think she's becoming meaner and meaner. I am not me!" The girl blurted out from her cup, spilling the juice all over and ignoring the confused glances of the other students. Iris glared at them from afar. And pretty soon enough, they turned away. She wouldn't care. Not know. Even if Grayson thinks that this was something worth to be called gross.

She looked back to the Gryffindor and began to give up her strengths. She rested her forehead on the other Iris' shoulder and cried her way in like a five-year old. She threw her hands up in the air as a sign of defeat and ranted in between every cry of a word, "See?! What's definitely wrong with me?"

Iris stared at the Slytherin, the shock evident on her face. She had never seen her friend get so out of control before. Shaking her head, she took the goblet from Eye and placed it aside and said nothing till her friend had finished ranting.

"Iris Frances, you better listen to me real good." She told, her voice having a firm edge to it and punched Eye's arm in a not so playful manner. "You are NOT a loser, okay? You're not crap, you're a person with feelings!" She could hear her voice rising and felt the other Slytherins staring but as usual, she didn't give a damn.

"What or who the hell gave you the impression you're a loser??" Iris continued to ask. "Of course you're not you right now. I mean, there is no way you would say these things about yourself." She then softened her tone. "What's REALLY wrong Eye?"

She hugged her friend and pulled her closer, knowing that sometimes crying it all out is a good thing and not a sign of weakness. "What's wrong with you is that you're talking shit right now," she told the Slytherin bluntly but had an amused smile on her face.

Iris hugged back tightly, ignoring the scenario that they have put out. She can never ask for more than a friend that time. Except for seeing herself again and acting the way she really is. Or perhaps this thing would count as her normal self? Although her emotions seemed tricky and confusing. She herself did not know any about it. It surprised too somehow. And expecting that she could act this way? She never did. Not once in her rather perfect hell of a life.

The Slytherin wiped her teary face and hiccuped before beginning to settle in her own words. But making them out was hard after you've cried like a baby. She took a deep breath, straightened herself, and spoke softly,

"It's really frustrating and confusing at the same time. My story. And yeah, I do have problems with myself like there's two of me and I argue with one and another. That's why I'm making stuff about myself. Because I think of them." she paused and took another deep breath,

"See. Uh. Where do I start? There's something about me that's quite complicated to understand. Heck. I am not perfectly normal. You still have a lot to understand about my inner self. But I kept those stuff as a secret for years. And I only confessed them to my mentor, and some past friends." Iris finished with a gulp. Nervous at the same time of what her friend might register from that explanation.

" So you have multiple personality disorder?" Iris asked, raising her eyebrow. "And if you don't, why do you think you do that?" She asked curiously. "Did something happen that's causing you act like this?"

"Eye, you gotta realize that no one's perfectly normal. We are all messed up in our way." She stated. "Something has probably happened in all our lives that leaves a permanent change within us." She shrugged. "It depends on how you deal with it. And right now, you're talking as though you're a stranger to your own self." She commented and grinned lightly. "So what sort of problems do you have?"

"Uh. Problems with my inner being? Like I have this special things in me? Okay. It's not at all comfortable for me to confess. So you can either guess and I'll come up with clues to go with it. Alright? That's the first one. Special." Iris replied casually, looking at her friend with her eyebrow raised.

She sighed expectantly, hoping that the brains of this Gryffindor would be tough enough to handle the job of understanding the mental Slytherin.

Iris nearly groaned at the Slytherin's comment. She hated guessing; she just didn't have the patience to try all answers. But if it would help Eye ease herself a bit, then she was willing to go for it. "Special, eh? You can read minds...? Or you can sense what people are feeling whether it's good or bad...? You get your emotions and thoughts messed up and you get this out of body experience..? Okay, I think I'm out of guesses." She grinned slightly.

In case her guesses were wrong, which they most probably were, she hoped her friend would still tell her.

"Um. You're actually right on the second part. Emotions and stuff. And I hate it. Even if I'm letting my guard up to practice Occlumency. Eurgh." Iris replied with a groan, showing how she'd already given up to hide her secret. She dropped her shoulders and leaned closer to her friend, coming to realization that they're talking in public and that she has to whisper somehow.

"Another one. I'm like having these dreams every time I sleep. And they could turn out rather nasty. I hate all of these happening to me. It just makes me so unusual and depressed. Like sensing these feelings. I'm always prone to them. Whenever I feel something is against me, I get lonely and now here I am. The bad side of me. Get it?"

"What are the dreams about? And is it always the same thing?" Iris asked curiously. "Do you ever feel paranoid? That something evil is out to get you and that's what you sense?" She didn't know if the questions she was asking made any sense. She wished that Eye would just tell her but she could see it was clearly difficult for her friend to express in words.

"You may have to help me out here Eye. I don't want any misunderstandings between us." She admitted quietly.

"All right. I'll spit it all out and we're all gonna be fine. Just between us, okay?" Iris replied quietly and rested her head on top of the table. She then rolled over to face the Gryffindor and confessed what was really up with her now. Or what was bothering her ever since,

"Before, they were just nonsense visions that can be either happy or not. But now, a nightmare keeps on haunting me. I saw myself as an evil being that killed the rest of the people I love. Okay? I just feel like it's telling me or something. Maybe even possessing me if it has to." she paused, took one deep breath and continued,

"And for the emotions part? I'm easily affected. You can imagine when I can sense some stranger's presence around me that he or she hates me. Then I'd feel rejected. Depresses. Whatever." she stopped and dragged a lettuce across her mouth to consume it lazily.

Iris listened patiently as her friend confessed the dilemma that's been bothering her. At first she had no idea what to say. It all sounded unusual and she felt more concerned than ever.

"Have you told any Professor about this?" Was Iris' immediate question. She got a feeling that if they wanted to deal with this, they'd probably an adult's help.

"How long have you been having this dream?" She looked away from Eye and felt something she'd never felt before: guilt. But that didn't make her any less determined to try and help the Slytherin. She just couldn't help but let the curiousity get the best of her.

"Did you feel someone's presence as a negative sign lately?" She asked.

"I've told my mentor all about it. The professor from Divination. Of course we always talk about this. So she told me instead about shielding myself from those stuff." Iris replied casually then murmured, "Except for my recent nightmare. No chance at all. She's really busy with life, see. With her own and her future family's."

The Slytherin straightened up from her uncomfortable position and answered her friend's questions. She seemed pretty ease now. And all these are finally making some sense. Making her better? Somewhat. But who cares. At least life's becoming fairer at the moment.

"I've had dreams ever since I'm so young. But this nightmare started just this school year. My third year. It's horrible. Like this chapter of my life is the very thing I would run away from. And my parents know nothing. I'm too mental to owl them." Iris said, eating a carrot stick from her half-emptied plate, and gulped before deciding what to reply next. Now it disturbed her.

"Before. Remember why I'm acting strange on the trip to Honeyduke's once? That was it. The other Gryffindor, Savannah, had a hard time liking me. So. That's the story." She choked and grabbed a glass of pumpkin juice to consume.

"Well, I'm glad you didn't have to deal with it all on your own." Iris replied, feeling somewhat relieved that Eye had someone to help her out. And now that she also knew the problem, she'd make sure to try and make her friend as comfortable as possible.

"Did something happen that may be causing the nightmare?" She asked. "From what I've seen, such nightmares are prominent when something traumatic or really bad occurs." She remembered the times she was with people who were suffering with all sorts of haunting dreams as a result of some unexpected event. But then again, that was just one of the many reasons.

Normally Iris would have smirked and made a joke out of the fact that kids never seem to want to tell their parents anything these days. And she knew that if she ever had parents, she wouldn't be so open with them either. "You know, if you have ever felt that your parents could help, then maybe you should tell them. But that depends on you." She said, glancing at the Slytherin.

"So because she didn't like you much, that affected you?" Iris asked, trying to understand. "So you sensed the negativity huh?"

Iris merely nodded on every comment that her friend had made. She stared at her plate longingly, as though something more delicious might appear out of nowhere, her thoughts on the topic itself. Sure, it's one thing to be relieved that at least she had the guts to confess. But the fact is, her nightmares would still go on even if she did this.

"Maybe because I'm just too good to be a girl. That can be. So it's haunting me or something. I don't really know. It still remains a mystery." She said sarcastically and laughed at her own joke, "Ye-ah. You got that right. But we're okay now." and added with a wide smile.

"Shit, I'm not really helping you, am I?" Iris muttered mostly to herself in frustration. She shook her head at her friend and finally took the plate and placed a chocolate dessert on it. "You better eat that or I'm going to give you these chocolate frogs." She said, mostly serious.

"Too good to be a girl?" She echoed with a raise of her eyebrow. "You do realize that's absolute crap and doesn't make sense, right?" She asked her friend with a laugh. "Well, at least the girl doesn't hate you anymore." She gave the Slytherin a hug. "Alright, let's move on. How are classes and everything else going on?" She asked.

Iris gulped nervously, temptation rattling around her head, wanting her to come that way. She shook her head furiously and stared at the mouth-watering desert right in front of her. Would it turn out bad if she obeyed? How many times does she have to tell her this herself? That stop being mad on her own and just go with the silent flow. But how come?

"Force me or something? Uh-uh. No. I am not eating that. I've had so much sins on myself and I don't deserve that." The Slytherin remarked sarcastically and replied to the other question with a raised eyebrow, "Well? What would you think if I'm like this?"

Iris rolled her eyes at her friend's comments and replied, "Oh come on, it's just chocolate! I'm honestly telling you it will make you feel a bit better. If not the dessert, at least have some of the chocolate frog." She opened one of the packets and offered a piece to Eye.

"Good point. Well, there goes my attempt to make small talk." She grinned. "Hey, what are your hobbies?" She asked suddenly. "Maybe we can do something you like together to get your mind of these things."

"Fine. Here it goes. Oh, boy." Iris said as her final word of giving up and ate the chocolate in one. She never thought it will make her feel better. But exactly, it did. And the taste? It's as if years after she had a chocolate. Come to think of it, she only started kill herself for not eating one just last week. And it's all brand-new to her now.

"You should try better next time." The Slytherin replied once she cleared her throat and just a second she felt light again then smiled as she answered back, "Hobbies? Well. I love to play with Vee. Then wander outdoors. Read. Sing, not much in public. Dance in the rain. There."

Iris grinned triumphantly and said, "See, told you it would make you feel better. Even if only a teensy bit." She knew from personal experience that chocolate never failed to get a person away from depression, at least for a while.

"Yup, I admit that I have zero skills on how to comfort someone," she replied honestly and shrugged her shoulders. "Ooh! I love dancing in the rain!" She exclaimed with a laugh. "It's so much fun. When was the last time you did that? Oh, and who's Vee?" She asked the Slytherin.

Iris widened her eyes in disbelief on her own friend's stupid words and punched the Gryffindor slightly on the shoulder. She forced a laugh and exclaimed, "Hey! You're the one who made me feel better. Without the use of any thing except for these chocolates!" then paused before muttering to herself sarcastically, "Right. Guess I'm already being hyper."

She refrained from joking, still with a smile on her face, and spoke dreamily as though she herself is actually under the rain, "Yeah. I love it. And I do hope it would shower the hardest someday. That'd be fun." then answered Grayson's question, "Oh. You haven't met Vee? She's my pet. A cat. I think you can meet her sometime around. She's in the common room right now. Probably sleeping. The usual."