Not Falling Apart (JJ/Dimi)

J. J. was trying to get back to her common room. That was all she wanted. She just wanted to get back to the relative safety that room provided for her now, and then, and then....

Well she wasn't entirely sure what happened. It didn't take much to set her off now adays. It could have been something as simple as an unaccounted for noise, or even a misplaced shadow.

Either way, something startled her enough to go into a nervous spiral, and she was now huddled up against the wall, school robes - which she actually bothered to put on - hanging half hazardly over her, revealing her night clothes she hadn't bothered taking off.

She could feel her body shaking, and throat clog but she didn't have anyway to stop it. To go back to normal.

With a tiny Whimper, she slid down to the ground and huddled in on herself. Maybe if she just-just hid it would all go away.

She wanted it to go away.

He was waking slowly in a unknown direction, really not caring how he got there. He wasn't afraid of the creature that took Karma as he wanted it to take him as well, he needed to help her somehow, he wasn't about to be all helpless like other people, that wasn't in his nature.

Dimitri heard a weird noise and then another one and he ran towards it, fearing that the thing was kidnapping someone else. His wise widened in terror when he saw J.J. curled up on the floor, her face almost white and so unhealthy.

"J.J.?" he whispered, a note of surprise in his voice. "Juliet?"

J. J. huddled even further into her shadows when the steps became louder - faster - they were coming... coming... coming.

The voice was no more than a whisper but it still caused her to flinch violently and let out a odd strangled cry which was followed by another small whimper as her bottom lip began to quiver and eyes glissened.

Putting her hands up to her mouth she looked up to find...

Dimitri She thought it and opened her mouth to say it but, but nothing was there. Nothing was ever there.

Her head began to shake. No, no, no - he wasn't allowed to see her like this. She didn't want anyone to see her like this but definitly not him.

"J.J.?" he repeated as he went towards her. He dropped to his knees and took her hand into his. "J.J., what's wrong? Juliet, answer me? Juliet, my beautiful, beautiful friend, no, girlfriend, what happened to you?"

His eyes were worried and fixated on her. "No, don't move away from me, please Juliet, let me help you", he said looking in her eyes, "please let me help you."

He felt like his cold heart was about to break as he looked her, noticed her fear, wondering what could cause this to happen.

J. J. automatically shrunk away as he approached her, but once he caught her hand, stopping her from moving any further she managed to reach some state of calm that allowed her to slide back ever so slightly.

She shook her head, as the tears that had been whelling in her eyes began to fall. She didn't even know what she was saying no to. No to hime being there, no to her being able to tell him what happened, or no to letting him help her. He couldn't help her. She was broken, quite possibly beyond the point of repair.

After a moment she opened her mouth again only to close it and shake her head. It was useless. She was useles.

So instead she just contineued to shake her head and cry.

"J.J. can you respond to me? Just nod your head or something, give me a sign, please, I'm getting really worried!" he raised his voice unintentionally and then lowered it to a whisper again. "Don't do this to me... You are my rock J.J., please, snap out of it!"

She started to cry and he didn't know what to do so he did the only logical thing that came to his mind - he took her in his hands and held her close. The boy decided to carry her to the school nurse or a professor, whoever he finds first.

"JJ, we're going to the nurse's office, okay?"

J. J. unintentanally flinched as his voice increased. She shook unintentionally, but didn't want to seem more, more...

There was no way she could seem more broken but, perhaps she could... ?

She nodded her head. She didn't think there was really anything she could say yes to, but, well Dimitri seemed to need this, and she thought... maybe she needed him, so she would do what he asked.

She flinched only slightly as she was grabbed, no not grabbed, picked up - held. She wasn't use to people touching her anymore. The girl had spent her time avoiding people, but now that she had.

J. J. curled into the hold, embrace, making herself small, and burrowing herself as close to the boy as she could.

There was nothing the nurse could do - not really. She was just going to be as broken before, but she still nodded her head again.

After a moment, she absent mindedly started running a finger along his chest. It started out as random movements, until a thought struck her. Then she continued to meticulously make five shapes - five letters - over and over, hoping that maybe, just maybe the boy would get it.

S. O. R. R. Y.

Sorry.

The girl calmed down a bit and it made Dimi's world, just to see how she's holding on to him and accepting his embrace. He wanted to make her feel safe, give her strength like she gave him before, but he didn't know how and somehow he knew that no nurse or healer could help her now.

He noticed a kind of hidden bench behind a statue some 10 inches away from them so he carried her to there and sat down, still holding her in his arms. Then he noticed that she was doing something, playing with him, no, writing something on him!

But what was it? If only he could read it but no matter how hard he concentrated, the five signs didn't make sense to him. He tilted his head and nothing happened.

He tilted it some more and still, nothing. Then he tilted it to the other side and suddenly it made perfect sense to him.

SHE WAS APOLOGIZING TO HIM!

"You're sorry?" he repeated, voice soft as a whisper, his lips pressed against her hair. "I'm sorry for not helping you when you needed me. I'm sorry for letting this happen to you. I'm sorry for been a lazy friend. And I am really, really sorry for never officially asking you to be my girlfriend or sharing my complete story with you."

"See JJ, I'm the one who should be sorry."

They sat down, and J. J. shuffled slightly, pulling herself closer in the new postion. She suddenly felt like they were possibly going to have to pry her from Dimitri if they ever wanted her to go somewhere else, some where that wasn't where she was right now.

She listened to him, and started shaking her head before he was done. What did he have to be sorry for? He didn't do anything. He was just... just...

And she was...

She pulled away slighlty to point to herself. She opened her mouth to say something agian, but just let out a sound of frustration when nothing came out. She just wanted, wanted...

The young girl remembered something and started feeling around in her pockets until she produced a peice of chalk, she had smuggled from a classroom earlier.

You couldn't have known. she wrote clearly and pointed at it sternly before adding, You couldn't of helped. I should have she stopped writing as she stared blankly at the words for a long moment. What should she have done?

I should have been stronger.

"There, there", he whispered in her ear softly, rocking her like a mother rocks her little baby, kissing her hair and holding her hands gently. "You were strong, and you are strong JJ, but you don't have to be that all the time. That's the reason why you're like this, and I know it will pass, as soon as you make peace with yourself, love. I'm going to be here for you, forever and possibly more, if you will take me."

He turned her a bit so she could face him and kissed the top of her nose to calm himself and then he looked her straight in the eyes. "I bought you a promise ring", he starting, feeling slightly scared, "do you know what that is?"

J. J. felt herself calm down even more as she listened to Dimitri's voice - it was soothing. If she could just stay right here, right here forever she could have confidence that everything would be alright.

She looked up at him for a moment. She liked that sound - forever. She bit her lip and played with the piece of chalk, toying with the idea of writing again but not wanting to move to do so. It didn't matter, for as she was deciding, Dimi decided for her by talking again.

And then, honestly all thoughts of anything kind of drifted out of her head.

She smiled slightly as he kissed her nose, and then that smile froze in place, and she kept staring at him he spoke, as her brain processed what he was saying.

A promise ring -

Slowly, she nodded her head. She, she knew what that was - at least she had an idea. Still, some part of her brain kind of wanted to hear the boy say it anyways.

Okay, so far not too bad, I think I'm winning her over, but I still can't tell, the boy thought when looking at her face, the face that became more calm and peacufel with every moment that passed after he told her about the promise ring.

At first, she seemed freaked out, like he felt, but now, who could know? The only thing he was sure of was that he must try his best.

"A promise ring, as you already know, is a ring that boy gives to a girl when they are too young to get really engaged or married", he started and breathed in, "and it's like an engagement ring, only it means that once he proposes to that girl she promised him to say yes, right?"

At first J. J. wasn't really sure that she was processing what she was hearing, if she was really hearing what he was saying.

Then slowly, word by word, almost if her brain had to take a moment to decode every sylable that was being said, it began to sink in.

Then she wasn't really sure what came over her, not really. It wasn't like the first time, that time she had been... that time she had been driven some odd desire that came from who knew where, this time she could feel where it came from, and she was sure it was coming from the area right around her heart.

Placing her hands softly, barely touching him really, on either side of his face she shuffled herself closer, pulling him down slightly, closing any space there was, and gently placing her lips on top of his.