Big Girls Don't Cry

She was going to be sick. Taking a deep shuddering breath, Savannah ran out the library as fast as possible, resisting the urge to scream. If it hadn't been for Rosie's training, she highly doubted she would've gotten anywhere near as far as she'd managed to.

Finding the closest bathroom, she inhaled deeply again, trying to ignore the nauseous feeling. "Please," she whispered, covering her mouth. The figure in the painting only paled, opening wide. Muttering a word of thanks, she practically flew into the bathroom, collapsing on the floor in the first stall.

She was a monster. Vala - she was dead. And she'd met her. She'd been the one who'd saved them from that cave. Paling, she threw up, pushing strands of her dark hair away from her mouth.

You killed her. You're no better than a murderer.

And what about Aria? She'd met the Slytherin in this very room, and she hadn't glimpsed the blonde since term started. Clutching the bowl, her knuckles turning white, everything swam around her. If anything happened to her.....

You're bad luck's getting worse. Only one meeting, and one's gone and the other's dead. I wonder how those Frenchies you met are doing.

Staggering back, Savannah wiped her mouth and chin with toilet paper, hands shaking as she whispered. "No, not Ninette and Chris. They don't deserve to have anything happen to them!"

And Vala and Aria did?

This time Savannah really did scream. Running out of the stall, she collapsed again on the floor, tears streaming down her face, hugging herself.

Your own mother tried to kill herself because she can't stand you. C'mon Savvy, by now you have to realize, you're not just bad luck. You're a terrible - terrible person as well.

"Stop," Savannah gritted her teeth, muttering between sobs, "Just stop!"

Why? Because an ickle little girl told me to? Not happening.

J. J. was making her way to the library, she needed to get a book for a class, when she saw someone come flying out of it. She blinked for a moment, until she thought...

"Savannah?"

The girl did not hear her, or if she did, she did not respond to her. Still, J. J. wasn't a hufflepuff for nothing.

Ignoring what she was supposed to do, she followed her friend. Stopping in front of the portrait to the prefects bathroom, she just blinked.

"Please? You can't just leave her in there like that alone," she looked at the person for a moment, before she felt her rage bubble up a bit, "If you let her in, you're letting me in."

After a moment, the figure concided, and JJ jumped through the opening, only to find her friend on the ground. She rushed forward.

"Savannah!" without waiting for any response she dropped her back, the contents spilling on the floor, and wrapped her arms around the girl. "What's wrong?!"

JJ. She was here. Why was she here? She wasn't a prefect. Feeling JJ's arms wrap around her, Savannah clutched onto the girl like she was going to disappear if she let go of her for a moment. Suddenly occurring the her that JJ was here because of her, Savannah shook her head softly. Why hadn't she just listened to him - what was his name anyway? - when he'd told her that she was bad luck? Sure, it might not have saved Vala, but there were the others. They didn't deserve to suffer because of her stupid mistake.

"I'm sorry," she muttered into JJ's ear as she tried to calm down, "I am so so sorry for what I did. I didn't mean to." Pulling away, she stared at JJ, a pleading tone in her voice, still crying, "I wouldn't be surprised if you hate me now."

J. J. shook her head, and blinked at the girl. What was going on? What did she...

"I don't hate you Vanna," she said softly, trying to keep her confusion from her voice. "I could never hate you. What did you do?"

She wanted to help, but how could she do that if she didn't understand what was going on? And right now she certianly didn't understand what was going on.

"My mother calls me Vanna," she noted dully, "But I like it better when you say it. It just sounds better."

Shaking her head, she continued, rubbing the corners of her mouth with the back of her hand, her throat feeling all scratchy, "You wouldn't have been attacked by those girls if you hadn't met me. I have bad - terrible really - luck. Everybody I've met would either rather kill themselves than know me," her shoulders shook as she thought of her mother, "Or something bad happens to them because I know them." Looking down, she bit her lip before returning her gaze to JJ, "And it's getting worse. Now people I've met once are dying."

J. J. blinked slightly, before smiling just a bit, "My mother calls me Juliet; I don't like it when anyone says that..." Except for Dimi, she allowed Dimitri to call her that, but then... she hasn't seen the boy in how long had she? So what did that matter?

Shaking her she pushed those thoughts aside, it wasn't about her right now, it was about Savannah.

She listened to the girl speak. She sat back for a moment, blinking. Did she really think... but that was....

"Savannah," she said slowly, "No offence but... that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. Of course none of that is you're fault. I got attacked because those girls are vile excuses for humans. You understand me - if its anyone's fault its theirs."

Sniffling slightly, Savannah wiped a tear from her cheek, "So is that what one of the Js in your name stand for? Juliet?"

Opening her mouth in protest, she paused, her face falling, "That's what I used to think." she muttered, "But then it started happening to everybody." Her breathing and heart rate sped up, more tears falling, "I - I should've told you earlier, but - but - over the summer - my - my mother - she - she tried to kill herself." Letting her shoulders fall, she began sobbing again, gripping the blonde tightly. "I'm a terrible daughter."

J. J. nodded and smiled, "Juliet Jessica Jones. Though don't go spreading it around; I'm not very fond of my name."

"Savvy... Vanna..." she stopped and blinked. How could she... and...

She pulled the girl into a hug agian.

"Listen to be Savannah - that's-that's not you're fault. It is not - whatever you're mother did... it had to do with her, not you. Never. You."

"Triple J," Savannah nodded, twisting a lock of hair around a finger. "I'll call you that."

Hugging JJ again, she laid her head on her shoulder, sobbing into her ear, "How is it not my fault? When - when I found her, she cheered my dad's name. And - and when she saw me, and thought we were dead, she didn't want me there. She'd rather die than be here with me! And - and," she hiccuped, "My dad died because of me. And you got attacked and Rosie - my mentor - got into a fight with a vampire and - and," pulling away, she shuddered.

"Vala Ramone. She saved us from the cave when I was crownapped." Looking up at JJ, her lower lip quivered, "She's dead. And it wouldn't have happened if she hadn't met me. I'm sure of it. I met her once, JJ." Realization dawning on her, she covered her mouth to not scream, "Chris. Ninette. They - Merlin no." Her breathing sped up again, the warning sign of a panic attack, "They're going to die, JJ, and it'll be all because of me."

J. J. smiled a bit and nodded, "Okay, you do that."

THe young girl shook her head. She didn't know how to deal with this. She wasn't equipped to deal with her own problems, but this ... this.

"Listen Savannah - I don't care what she may or may not have said, it had nothing to do with you, and everything to do with herself," J. J. nodded her head. That sounded smart. Whether it was true or not, she did not know.

She grabbed the girls shoulders and shook her a bit. "Listen - no. no they are going to be fine. Look at me - I've spent tones of time with you, and am I dead. No, and I don't plan on being anytimes soon."

"I will." she sniffled, smiling slightly.

"But - but - if I was a better daughter, nicer, more caring, just better than I am now, then she wouldn't have wanted or even needed to try and kill herself. I could - I should've been enough." Swallowing hard, she closed her eyes for a second, hearing but not really listening to the voice in her head, "If I'm not good enough for my own mother." she opened her eyes here, and stared up at JJ pleadingly, "Then who I can possibly be good enough for?"

Biting her bottom lip as she was shook softly, Savannah shook her own head, "But you still got attacked." she whispered, bringing her fingers up to her mouth again, "And you could've - you almost did die."

"Yes, you know what you're right - you should have been, but the fact that you weren't has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with her. She was just - is just...." J. J. let out a frusterated growl and ran a hand through her hair. She wished she could get her point across, but if Savannah wasn't going to get it now...

"You know - what, yeah, being attacked sucked but, no, I don't think I ever did - it hurt more than I ever imagined, or thought, or just in ways I didn't know a person could hurt, a person needed to be healed but..." she bit her lip and shook her head. "I don't think I was ever in danger of dying - I'm, I wouldn't have.... I think I just might be stronger than that."

"So I have to try harder," Savannah said softly, nodding vehemetly, "I have to be better. To - to everybody. Even - even the people I don't like."

I hope this doesn't mean you're going to go around talking to more people. You don't want to spread your bad luck around, do you?

Wincing, Savannah rubbed her ears softly, "But - but I have to stop talking to new people. Because I don't want - bad things will happen to them if I talk to them."

Smiling at JJ, she rubbed a stray tear falling down her cheek, sniffling, "That - that's good. At least - at least nothing else bad will happen to you. It seems that bad things only happen once to people who know me."

J. J. shook her head, "No - you have to be you, however you want to be you. I like you just the way you are. Don't change yourself for other people ... it will only cause you more problems later."

"For Godsake Vanna, " she rolled her eyes, "You are not cursing other people. Believe me please - please say you believe me? You. are. Not. doing. it! It's just their luck or lack of luck - its... well..." she didn't want to say 'in your head', that some how sounded too bad.

"But – but if it helps everyone else in the long run," Savannah tilted her head up at JJ, having stopped crying momentarily, "isn’t that better? I’m one person," she raised a finger in emphasis, "in the grand scheme of things, I don’t matter." Shaking her head, she frowned momentarily. Where were all these thoughts coming from? Sure, they'd been there, bubbling under the surface for a while, but it was like she didn't need to try anymore. It was like her filter had momentarily disappeared.

"It's what?" she asked sharply, looking curiously at JJ. She couldn't - she couldn't promise JJ. Not when she knew that it was true. It couldn't be some sort of coincidence. Life didn't work like that.

There are no coincidences and no mistakes. Everything happens for a reason, and because of something. Like how the blame on all that's happened to all those people? On your shoulders.

Jumping slightly at the accusatory tone, she flicked her gaze up to JJ, hugging her knees. "Do - Have you ever met a girl named Aria?"

Eliza walks in slowly "is everything okay in here?" she looks concerned. "i've dealt with very much today and want to help you too"

Someone? Someone else? Beginning to panic, Savannah staggered up to her feet, pulling out her wand, her eyes narrowing at the girl. What was she doing? She wasn't even really sure. All she knew was that the whispers in her head were telling her that this girl would suffer if she spent anymore time here.

"I don't care." she growled, pointing her wand at the blonde, momentarily forgetting JJ, "Why would I want some complete total strangers help? If I wanted help, I most definitely wouldn't go to you, because you have stupid written all over your face."

J. J. jumped up as the other girl arrived. Blinking slightly at her friend before putting a hand on her shoulder.

"Vanna, please," she said softly before attempting to smile at the girl who arrived, kind of feeling like joining Savannah in the insults but not sure that was what the situation needed, "Thank you but we really are fine. If you wouldn't mind just leaving us alone for a few more mintues. Please?"