Depression Sets In /Black Manor

After Lily took her first self guided tour through the house she decided that unless she absolutely had to leave. Lily could get anything she wanted right in the room so what was the point of leaving. Lily hadn't seen Blaine in awhile, it seemed like he usually came to bed after Lily was asleep.

Many nights could be found laying on the bed with her headphones on turned way up because every once in awhile she heard noises she didn't want to hear so she thought this was the safest way to be.

Tonight was the same thing all over again, she ate her supper in the room, not that she ate much of it. She probably had lost about 10 lbs since they had moved in here because she was a little depressed. No one would probably understand how she was feeling and Blaine would always tell her she was special to him, but the longer she was surrounded by magical people the harder it was for her. Especially finding out she had a magical brother.

She had taking a shower and got ready for bed and was laying on the bed reading a book hoping she did not have to wear her headphones.

Blaine sighs walking upstairs sliding the hankerchief cross his glasses' lenses and frames, wiping away the blood that had stained them. He cleaned off his face and hands and steps into the room he hared with lily, his lovely lily. The joy of all of this was he could see her everyday now. He liked that very very much. He sits down on their bed and changes his shirt. He knew that she hated blood, and so he tried to keep it invisible to her. Out of Site out of mind. He lies back and sighs. Noticing she was awake, he freazes.

"oh good evening lily." he managed with a smile crawling over toward her. "i wish i would've known you were awake."

Lily sighed when she heard Blaine come into the room. She was not completely happy with him at the moment. She was tired of feeling neglected and it was wearing on her. When they lived in the shack she was kind of used to it, but she thought being in the same place all the time things would be different. As in the same place he did his work at.

"Yep I am awake, but then it could be because you are actually in here earlier than usual." Lily sighed and went back to her book

"I hope you don't have any blood on your clothes this time, I am tired of changing the sheets."

Blaine sighs. She seemed peeved with him, again. It wasnt his fault he had a job to do. He refused to get angry with her. If he got angry, things could only go downhill. Anger wasnt an option with lily. Blaine knew she could knock his teeth in if she wanted to and he really did not want to provoke that.

He lies down next to her and wraps her in a hug. "i changed my clothes, no worries, and im early ecause i finished, and i felt bad about not seeing you awake everyday..."

Lily allowed Blaine to hug her, she did still love him just cause she was mad at him didn't mean she loved him less.

"Well you should feel bad, I thought living here would make things better, but it hasn't." Lily sighed and placed her face in the pillow she was laying on she was trying not to cry because when she cried he always caved and she didn't want that.

"I actually feel worse about myself"

Blaine felt horrible. He hadnt though of that. She was right, she was a muggle surrouded by wizards. It would be very hard for her. He sighs. He didn't know what to say. He was horrible about making her feel better. He tightens his hug, not knowing what else to do.

"i-im sorry lily... if you dont like it here woe could always leave, im sure karma wouldnt mind too much..."

Lily sighed and removed herself from his grasp, "Sure lets leave and then I would feel guilty for making you leave."

Lily walk over to the vanity that was in the room and sat down and started brushing her hair something she caught herself doing more often to calm herself.

"I have learned to deal with my surroundings, I just wish I was more important to you than what you do." Lily turned around and pointed her brush at him.

"I don't try to tell me that I am, cause I don't feel that way." Lily then went back to brushing her hair.

Blaine had opened his mouth to speak then she sut him off. That was one thing he hated more than anything, being cut off. He takes a deep breath and decides to let it go. He was tired and didnt want to fight. He could really care less right now. He wanted to feel bad, but she wouldnt let him.

He sighs quietly "ok lily, think what you want. i give up. i do my best to keep everything running smoothly, but im only one guy. And not tpo mention, im not like other guys so that makes it ten times harder for me. I want you to be happy. But i dont know how to go about giving that to you because you never tell me what would make you happy. I have to guess, and im a horrid guesser." he lieas back placing his glasses on the tanble with a small click. He probably wouldnt get much sleep, but what did he care. He didnt want sleep, he wanted an answer. He wanted to know what he needed to do, Sleep would grant him niether.

Lily sighed when he ranted wanted to know what she wanted, there was many things that she wanted and one of them would never happen so there was nothing she could do about that.

"Damn it, I don't know." Lily said as she threw her brush on the vanity barely missing the mirror. "Maybe I am just being selfish."

Of course she was being selfish, for so long it was always Blaine and her and now she had to share him with other people and she didn't like it.

"Besides whether I am here or somewhere else will not change the fact that I was born into a wizarding family and I am not one." She practically yelled

That right there was one of Lily's biggest problems that she was having ever since she had found her brother and he told her about her family she had been very upset, but Blaine had been too busy she had not had a chance to talk to him about it.

Blaine went into utter shock at her words. He had no clue she was a squib. It felt like someone had punched him in the stomach. Why hadn't she told him sooner. He could literaly feel his hands shaking. He never intended to piss her off quite so much. Maybe he should just stop speaking,he screwed up.

"i im sorry lily, no youre not selfish, i understand..." was all he could manage to choke out. His head was spinning.

Lily just stood there staring at Blaine, that was not exactly the way she wanted him to find out her past. She was still rather in shock herself and pissed off, not that it matter she would always be a muggle no matter what that was all she ever knew.

"How can I not be selfish, I am mad because your not spending enough time with me, when I know there are other things you have to be doing." Lily sighed

"How can you possible understand how I am feeling, I haven't got to talk to you. I am always asleep when you come in." Lily stated rather weakly.

Blaine felt like there was a brick on his ches. His world was comming crashing down around him. What could he do to make this up to her? He was trembling, insanity creeping through his head, wrapping its cold fingers around his brain, taking over completely. He hated the feeling. It made him want to vomit. He brings his knees to his chest and twitches slightly. He wanted this to end soon. The feeling was terrible this time. Sadness confusion and insanity clashing together in a coarse concerto of sounds that truthfully started to sound like nails on a chalk board. They were comming back. The noises and voices he had been free of for 2 years were flooding back into his head. He throws his hand over his ears and wanted to scream, but knew he couldnt. He was trapped.

Lily was watching Blaine and instantly she began to feel really bad as she watched him. She had not seen this behavior since they were first together and she was scared this was her fault she caused him to do this. She should have just shut up and not said anything, just like she used to. She was never this outspoken, she always kept her feeling to herself. She was trying to move deeper into their relationship where they felt free to yell and scream at each other if they needed too, but apparently not.

Lily knew that she risked getting hit when he got like this but at the moment she didn't care she wanted to make him come back to her. Lily walked back over the bed and slide herself behind him, placing her legs on either side of him and sliding her arms around his waist holding him close to her as she leaned into his back laying her head on his back.

"Please come back to me, I am sorry. Don't let them in, please come back to me." Lily was practically begging him, she never understood this in the beginning and she still doesn't but it had not happened in so long she thought these days were over.

"I am so sorry, I didn't mean to get upset." Lilly was crying into his back.

Blaine lets out a shudder. The voices were all trying to talk over each other. It was crazy. He couldnt understand them. He felt lily hug him and he wraps his shaking arms lightly around her. He wouldnt scare her. This was his problem not hers.

"i-ill be fine lily, dont worry... you were mad and you had every right to yell at me"

Lily sighed when he told her not to worry, "Last time I checked it was my job to worry even if you don't want me too."

Lily moved herself around to kiss him, "I love you, and who else should I worry about?"

Lily knew that even though she was mad at him,she did understand. "I also know you have been busy and have not meant to ignore me, I am used to it when your at school, but not while your at home. You just have a lot more responsibilities now that we are living here."

Blaine winced as the voices spewed their hurtful obscenities.

'muggle' ' muggles hurt you my boy why would you trust this one?''dont trust her blaine' 'we're all you can trust' 'dont listen blaine' 'dont listen' 'dont listen' 'dont...'

Blaine had finally drowned them out. He cared for lily, the voices had gotten into trouble in the past any way. he wrapped his arms around lily and kissed her back.

"i love you too, nothing will change that, im sure the voices are just returning because of my loose grip, theyll leave soon"

Lily sighed as she listened to him talk about the voices that he had, and she knew some about them, but not everything.

"I can feel the stress that you are under, it just pours off of you." Lily knew that Karma has had him busy.

"You know I am around, all you have to do is talk to me. I know what you do and I am fine as long as I don't have to see it."

There was a big difference in what Lily did to what Blaine did, but she was ok with what he did.

Blaine settles down slightly and leans back into his pillow. stroking lilys hand lightly he forces a tiny smile at her and sighs.


"thanks love.. ill be okay. im just off my game. i know i can talk to you whenever... but... sometimes the words dont fall into place"

Lily had moved to where her head was on Blaine's chest and sighed into as she listened to him talk. Here she was all depressed because she was feeling neglected and here he was stressing about everything that he did. Now she almost felt guilty for being mad at him.

"I love you." She said as she sighed into his chest. "Oh, and by the way I got a job."

Lily wondered what he would think about the job she had gone out and got while he had been busy.

Blaine was only half listening. He had realized that he still had blood in his hair. He was more worried about getting down here that he had completely neglegted to wash it out.

'oh shit' he thought 'how in the hell am i gonna get myself out of this one?'

Wringing his hands slightly he spoke "really? where at?" blood still stained his hands too. How could he be so careless. Had stress really eaten away at him that much?

Lily found it odd that he had not said that he loved her when she said he usually always said it.

"Are you listening to me, you seem like you are somewhere else.". Lily said as she set up to look at him.

When he asked about her job she realized he was somewhat listening to her. "Its at a dental clinic, I am going to be trained to be an assistant."

Lily sighed as she went to move some hair that was in his face, thats when she noticed that there was some blood in his hair, she didn't want to fight or whine about it.

"You might want to take a shower, you still have some blood in your hair." Lily said very calmly.

Blaine knew she was upset with him. He thought he might as well let her be. He hated when she was pissed.

"yeah.... in a bit.... i think ill get a little bit more stuff done, then see if karma needs anything else done... you seem tired... shouldnt let my stupidity keep you awake" he pushed his glasses onto his face and stood up.

"need anything before i go?"

Lily was a little upset when Blaine arrived but being with him she had calmed down a little since he head come in. Now he was talking about leaving her again.

Lily sighed and stood up, "Nope I am not tired, I was just enjoying my company for a change and now that company wants to go back to work and I am not going to stand in his way."

Lily went over to the closet and grabbed a little bad that was in there and then went back to her dresser and threw a couple of things into the bag and walked over to the door.

"Actually all I needed was you. So I am going out for awhile."

Blaine turns quickly. Where would she be going? what had he done to deserve this? he was a nice man. He cared for her. He had to work. It was an obligation.

" a lowly muggle like her, copuld never care about a wizard like you blaine." a voice whispered. baline felt himself slip into insanity.

"fine go on ahead. i dont know where you are going, and something here tells me i dont want to. I'll be fine here. Sure i live each day in sheer terror, that you'll come back, tell me youre done with me and then just leave. But i'm sure i can go on for a few more days. What does it matter to you?"

Lily sighed and stoped and looked at Blaine, "Blaine, you can relax a little you know. I am just going for a walk, I am not leaving you."

Lily placed the bag on the floor by the door and walked back to where Blaine was standing and placed her arms around him.

"I have loved you for a long time, and I have had many chances to leave and I have chose to stay. All I am going to do is go for a walk. The bag is just for emergencies, I take it everytime I go out when its dark."

Lily leaned up and kissed him, "If you would feel better I will stay in tonight."