I Must Become a Lion-Hearted Girl

A small shiver running up her spine, the house head pulled her Kneazle closer towards her, the soft purring from Suki at least making the woman feel a little better.

Better...God, she just wanted to feel better. More like the old her. Every single one of her scars had been magicked away, but she felt as if they were still there, unable to let her really be herself.

She was scared - absolutely terrified that it would happen again. She'd do anything - say anything to keep herself safe. Tugging a strand of her dark hair behind an ear, she sighed, digging pulling her knees up onto the sofa, cuddling her pet.

Artemis came into the staff room. Today was really hard on him because he was missing Phillie. Even though it had been awhile he couldn't help but think that they was going to get married after she graduate. But she then took her own life. And Chan was supposed to help him get through it but he hasn't seen her since last school year. Even his own sisters and brother doesn't see him anymore.

He then sighed as he was going to get him some coffee. The heavy drinking would have to wait till he was done teaching. And then he would have to take something to get rid of the hangover.

Artemis was scared that this would happen to him again. That is why he was scared to let anybody get close to him. Because they either left him or end up dying. He then seen that he wasn't alone in the room. He knew that she was head of a house. But he didn't pay much attention.

Her gaze was instantly drawn towards the sound of the door opening. She was unable to help the start that shook her entire body. Holding her Kneazle closer to her, Marianne stared up at the man.

She'd seen him around, of course she had. Though she couldn't remember him from when she'd been a student, she'd seen him over the last few months she'd been teaching here.

His name...Artemis? Something like that? Swallowing the irrational bubble of fear in her throat, she forced her lips upwards into a smile. "Hello."

Artemis was going to get coffee. But there was someone there. He really couldn't remember her name. He didn't know her when he was still in school. But he then noticed that this women was holding a kneazle. That was one thing that he wanted was to get an animal. Then he wouldn't be so lonely.

He then sighed as he thought about how everything was going wrong in his life. But he knew that he should try to forget about make everything better. It would have been better if he killed himself last year. But he couldn't because he didn't have the guts for it.

Artemis smiled to try and look friendly. He wasn't the person to actually talk to other professors. “ Oh hello.”

Marianne offered a smile back. It was hardly genuine, but it was good enough to work and that was all she cared about. When had she become so - so pathetic? Shaking her black head of hair, she blinked, suddenly noticing the fur in her arms was gone. Glancing around, she watched, a real smile beginning to spread across her face, as Suki made her way over to her fellow professor.

"She likes you," the Head of Prideux said softly, pulling herself off the couch and towards them. Suki's approval was all she needed. "I'm Marianne Delancy. I don't think we've ever actually spoken."

Artemis gave a small smile back. He hoped that this person didn't think that he was rude of anything. It just his life has been really hard for him. His life was slipping away and for once he really didn't bother trying to fight back. But he noticed that she was really smiling. But he then looked down and seen a kneazle by his feet.

“ I can see that.” He then watched as she was walking over to her. Artemis really wasn't sure if he could do this again. After talking to Chan feeling that life would be alright and then she just dispersed. “ I am Artemis Capulet and I am sure I never spoke with you.”

Marianne ran a hand through her black hair, pushing strands of her bangs out her eyes. Her hair had been its natural black for so long. She couldn't help but wonder if it was time for a change.

"Suki's pretty amazing," she said softly, grinning down at the ginger animal as she purred, snuggling closer to the man. Looking back up at Artemis, she smiled. "Well, it's nice to finally talk to you."

Artemis as she was messing with her hair. All he could do was stll miss her. Wished that she would have never killed herself. But there was nothing that he could do about it now.

She know was talking about the kneazle that was snuggling closer to him. He then smiled a little bit a picked her up. " Im sorry I don't really talk I mostly keep to myself."

"Don't be sorry," Marianne said softly, shaking her head. "Not everyone's extroverted. You can't fault yourself for being yourself." It was just the way it was. People shouldn't hate themselves for the way they were.

If anything, they should love themselves for that.

Shuffling her feet for a moment, smiling at Artemis and Suki, she asked, "So, what do you teach?"

Artemis then was looking at her. “ No I just don't want to get close to anybody else. Right when school was starting last year the girl that I loved killed herself. There was this women here name Chan who was trying to help me get through it. And she then left and never heard from her again. It seems like all of my family has forgot about me.”

He then sighed as he wished that he never told her anything.

Artemis then was being asked what he taught. “ Domestics.”

"Oh," Marianne said softly, her eyes widening. She had no idea what to say to that. Suicide was the one topic that she'd never wanted to think or talk about ever again. "I - I'm so sorry." Reaching over, she patted the man on the shoulder. "I know what it's like." Her gaze fell to the floor. "I had a friend. And he killed himself. It never gets easier, does it?" She gave him a small smile.

"I never took the class, what's it about?"

Artemis then watched how she react to him telling her this. Sometimes he wanted to know what was going through Phillie's head before she did it. She knew that he loved her and that she was her world. He wasn't sure what to do anymore. But here was this women that he really didn't know who reached over and was patting his shoulder. “ It doesn't get any easier but it seems only harder. I know I wake up expecting an owl from her telling me that she wants to live with me.”

“ Domestic is cooking and cleaning.”

"Well," Marianne said softly, rubbing the back of her head in deep thought. "I can't tell you what to do and what to feel. All I know is, when I lost -" she took in a sharp breath. Just thinking his name hurt, like yanking a bandage off a deep cut. "-him, I blamed myself for it for the longest time." She gave a small shrug. "But he wouldn't want me to spend my whole life angry with myself. Eventually, it stopped hurting so much.

"But - I don't know. I loved him, yeah, but not romantically. He was always just a friend. Maybe that makes it different, maybe it doesn't. I really don't know. But sooner or later, it does get better." She nodded slowly, shuffling her feet. That had been a reasonably alright pep talk, hadn't it?

"Ah," she nodded. A whole class on cleaning? That sounded awfully boring. "I teach Magical Beasts. Which I guess is pretty self-explanatory."

Artemis was standing there as she was talking. And he was still holding her kneazle and when he was he could feel a little bit better. “ I know that before all of this she actually lost her brother. I remember I was at a Halloween dance. I don't remember what happened but I do remember that I took her to my home. I have no idea why she did it.” He then was being told that the pain would stop sometime.

“ The last person that I actually let in and she tried to stop the pain was a professor. She stopped me from killing myself after I found out. And then she up and left me. Since then I don't let people get close to me.” She then was saying that this pep talk was resonably.

“ Tell that to my sixth year class who been making pasta.”

"No one ever knows why people do these things," Marianne said softly, wringing her hands as her gaze stayed on the ground, her lips pressing together in a thin line. "But losing family or friends, that can push someone over the edge."

Taking a deep breath, she looked up at Artemis, hardly noticing that her eyes were beginning to well up with tears. "I don't think she meant to leave you. People do have their own lives, and maybe she had to leave."

Blinking at his statement, her forehead creased. "What? I don't really - what does that have to do with...anything?"

Artemis was standing there listening to Marianne talk about how with this death it could push him over the edge. But he been over the edge and there really wasn't any coming back. “ She killed herself and she knew that I loved her. That she was the only one for me.”

He then looked up and seen the tears in her eyes. And she was telling him that she didn't mean to leave but she had to. “ She left me at a time I need anybody. I almost killed myself in the gardens last year. I tried to kill myself in front of my brother and sister. I thought she would be there for me but she wasn't.” That is when Artemis broke down and cried.

Wringing her hands, the head of house chewed on her bottom lip. "People who kill themselves are selfish," she murmured, watching Suki snuggle into Artemis. "They don't care about anyone else. They just want the pain to stop."

It was only as she said those words did she realize how much they applied to her these days. But actually killing herself was something she could never do. She knew just how much the people left behind hurt.

Wincing at his next words, she shuffled closer to him, as Suki abandoned ship, jumping away from the tears. Throwing her arms around him, she held him close. "It'll be alright," she whispered into his ear, her grip on him tightening.

Artemis was watching her but also listening. She was saying that people who kill themselves are selfish. The kneazle was still snuggling to him. “ Phillie wasn't a selfish person. I know that she loved me. And I don't know why she did it. I just wished that she would have came to me.”

He just wanted the pain to stop. Artemis wasn't sure if he could ever love anybody liked he loved Phillie. And he knew that she was still young. But he was the on who found her and she feel in love with him.

Artemis couldn't help but start crying. That is when the kneazle jumped out of his arms. He then watch it run away. But he wasn't expecting her to come over and throw her arms around him. And she was telling him that it would be alright. He was taking in all of her comfort. “ It hurts so much.”

"She might not have seemed like one, but to kill herself, to no longer care about anyone else other than herself... that's the most selfish thing one can do." Running her fingers through her hair, she let out a little sigh. "We all wish, don't we? That things had turned out differently, but the matter is, they didn't. And we can't spend out whole lives living in the past. It's not healthy."

She shrugged her shoulders. She was well aware of how cold her words could seem, but they were true. And not thinking about them was only going to make it hurt more in the long run.

"I know it does," she murmured, her grip tightening on the man. "But it does get better. I know. If it got better for me, it'll get better for you. I promise." It was an empty promise, a white lie. She couldn't make him feel better if he wouldn't.

Artemis was listening as Marianne was saying that killing herself was a selfish thing. He didn't want to believe that Phillie could be that. But she did end her life and he really didn't know why. He stood there as she was running her fingers through his hair. “ I just want the hurt to stop. I know she would want me to move on with my life.”

At first he really wasn't going to talk. But he thought that she should know the truth about what happened to him.

She then was agreeing that it was really hurting him. But she told him that it would get better and she promised it. But the last women who said that ended up leaving. And he wasn't sure if he could trust.

"And moving on isn't easy. You need to talk to people, do things that make you happy." She nodded, almost as if she had the slightest idea what she was talking about. All she could say were personal experiences, and that had been so long ago and she'd spent so long burying those memories.

"What made you happy before you met her? Maybe you could do that again." Marianne shrugged. "But you shouldn't forget her. Remember all the happy times you had with her. Cherish them."

Her hold on him tightening even more, she gave him one last squeeze before pulling free, hands on his shoulders. "How are you feeling? Crying usually makes me feel a little bit better."

Artemis was listening to her talk about how moving on wasn't all that easy. About how she told him that he need to talk about this and do things that made him happy. “ I don't know if I can be happy again. Phille came in and made me really happy for the first time.”

She then asked what made him happy before. “ I really don't think anything. I worried all the time because my twin brother and sister was always drinking. And then I was always watching out for my little sister Athena.” Marianne was telling him that he should never forget all the good times that he had with Phille.

Artemis then felt as she gave him one last squeeze before letting go. She then had asked how he was feeling. “ I really don't know how to feel anymore.”

She cracked her knuckles, a small frown etching across her face. She didn't know what to say to this. She was hardly able to make herself feel better. She was only twenty-two. She didn't know how to fix this. She was a teacher, not a therapist.

"Well, I guess you can watch out for your sister again?" She shrugged. Reaching over, she patted his shoulder. "I don't have all the answers. But you have to look for them. And I hope you feel better."

Nodding, she offered him a small smile. Picking up Suki, Marianne smiled at him again. "I know you can do it. Getting better...it's what you want, isn't it?"

Artemis didn't now what to do or say right now. This was the second person that he really didn't know where he broke down and cried. And he also had to count Kallie but he wasn't all in tears. He shouldn't be feeling like this at his age.

“ My sisters and brother has nothing to do with me.” He then sighed as he was thinking about this. Artemis knew that this person didn't have the answer for everything. “ I have to feel better sometime? This can't go on forever.”

Artemis then watched as she had a small smile and picked up her kneazle. “ I am sure that it is will get better. It is something that I want because she would want me to be happy.”

"Make them, then. Go talk to them. Don't spend your whole life expecting everyone else to fix your problems." She rubbed at the back of her neck, her frown only deepening, her thoughts a million miles away. Returning to here and now, she flicked her gaze back to Artemis. "I did. Everyone around me did. Getting better seems to be the norm."

She nodded, "Good, excellent, even." Giving her catlike companion a snuggle, she said, "Well, I have things to do. See you later?"