wish i was strong enough to lift both our souls

Adria wished it was her shift time back at the club, not feeling in the mood to roam the lonely streets. Even if it was as a stripper, being in the spotlight was something she enjoyed, though she sometimes hated to admit to herself. But that was before she decided it was a sort of guilty pleasure.

It had been nearly weeks since her encounter with Nate at her workplace and a part of her felt relieved to have spent the time away from him. She had a feeling that Marianne must have told him about the kiss and just thinking about it made her feel uneasy. She hoped dearly that it had not ruined any of their friendships, because at the end of the day, that was more important than her feelings for the man.

As Adria approached the nearly ruined building, she gazed at it as though she was seeing it for the first time. The broken pieces and fallen debris could have resembled her current state of emotions, which was going out of her control with each passing day.

This was not what she expected or wanted. She needed to be confident, self assured and secure, just like she always whenever she was up on her stage.

That's who she truly was and not a vulnerable individual she turned into whenever she talked to Nate or Marianne.

Marianne stood in the middle of one of the many half-destroyed rooms in the building, turning and observing each part carefully. The entire building, despite its state, was rather beautiful. She'd long ago found that she enjoyed looking at ruins. For one thing, it was always interesting as to how something had become so ruined when it had once been so perfect.

And there was always the added bonus of maybe finding some undiscovered animal around here.

With a muttered spell, her wand lit up, and she moved on to the next room, humming softly as her Kneazle followed behind.

Feeling in the mood to explore, Adria entered the building, not really having a sense of direction as to where she was headed. She barely knew which room was which, but she supposed it was better to be inside than roam the lonely streets by herself.

She found a light coming from a nearby space, and her curiosity overtook her as usual. Following the source of brightness, her eyes widened in surprise when she saw who it was.

"Oh, hello Marianne," the blonde greeted with a wave and smiled lightly. The last person she expected to see here was the professor and though she could feel a discomfort, she did not want to leave or appear rude.

"How did you end up here, then?" She questioned with a weak grin.

The sound of footsteps where first heard by Suki, who glanced over at the door expectantly, swishing her fluffy tail. Her owner, however, was too preoccupied with the building that captivated her attention. She needed to get her mind off of the events unravelling around her.

This had seemed like a good idea.

Marianne jumped at the sound of the voice, panic and fear making her whirl around, pointing her wand at - "Oh," she sighed relievedly, allowing her arm to fall. "It's you. I thought-" she trailed off, shaking her head.

"It's nice to see you," she said softly. The feelings for Adria hadn't went anywhere. Her heart still beat a little faster when she saw her. But it was tinged with a longing and regret. Kissing her had been a terrible idea and she still felt awful for it.

"What can I say?" she shrugged, smiling. "I like ruins."

The scientist looked merely amused by Marianne's reaction. "I apologize, I did not mean to scare to you. But as far as I'm concerned, I do not believe there is anyone else around, so you can relax," she told with a assuring smile.

"It is nice to see you too," Adria admitted, the smile not leaving her face. She was getting a little too used to being around her friend, and though it did not seem unusual, she hoped she would not end up relying on the brunette too much.

She had already made that mistake with Ryan.

"I am not sure about all ruins, but yes, this particular building has captured my fancy quite a few times," the scientist agreed as she looked around the room. "So how have you been?"

Relax...She couldn't afford such a luxury. Ever since she'd found out that Connor was back, she'd been spending every waking moment worrying. Not just about her, but about Bonnie as well.

"It's alright," she said a little too quickly, shaking her head.

She grinned, glancing around them. "You can learn so much from the past. It's exciting." Marianne let out a little sigh of happiness. "Me? I'm doing well." It was a lie. How could she possibly be well during a situation like this? "And Suki's doing well too." She grinned fondly down at the Kneazle, who flicked her tail in greeting, mewling up at Adria curiously.

"How are you?" Marianne asked, returning her gaze to the blonde.

The scientist raised an eyebrow inquisitely at the woman's response, but chose not to say anything. As much as she could sense there was something wrong, she did not want seem intruding. Besides, she was still unsure as to where things stood between her and the brunette.

"Really exciting indeed," Adria nodded her head. "Though I was never a person of history. Come to think of it, I always used to fall asleep in that class," she recalled with a chuckle. "Well, that's good to know," she said at Marianne's reply. "Are you feeling better from the....?" She trailed off hesitantly, referring to the attack her friend had mentioned. She hated to bring it up, but the blonde had to know how the professor was coping with it.

She shrugged her shoulders and told with a smile, "I've been good, I suppose. I'm looking forward to my date with Nate, actually."

She laughed softly, a grin easily slipping onto her features. It was nice to see Adria again. Almost as if nothing had happened, even though the weight of what she'd done still haunted her every day. "We don't even have a history class. Had to go learn this all myself." Marianne knocked affectionately against the wall of the building, her grin widening.

The professor glanced up at the question, shrugging slightly. "I think so," she murmured, shifting her weight from foot to foot. "I've felt better, so that's something, right?"

She grinned widely, pushing aside the churn of feelings. "That's great! What are you guys gonna do?"

"You never had history classes?! Really?! So lucky!" The blonde exclaimed with a shake of her head, for a moment feeling like she was back in high school, having similar moments whenever talking to Logan. "Seriously, you did not miss much," she assured with a smile. "And trust me, with the horrible teacher that I had, I would have preferred to learn those things by myself."

Adria bit her lip and sighed, "Yes, that is definitely an improvement. I just hope and wish that you can really let go of it and not have to think of that horrible moment at all." She felt a rush of emotions even the last time they had talked about this, and though she knew there was nothing she could do, the English woman wanted to help her friend out.

The happy look on her face faded as she came to a sudden realization. "I'm guessing you already told him what happened between us?" She questioned quietly. "I mean, even if you have not, I will since I am also to blame, in which case I do not think he and I will even get a chance to finish the date."

The blonde nearly scoffed humourlessly at the irony. She was the one who was in fear of being hurt and instead, would end up hurting him.

"They focused mostly on magic. Can't say I complained." She grinned, laughing softly. Attending school had been some of the best years of her life. She couldn't help but want those years back. "I always hated those kinds of professors," she said, shaking her head. "They made me hate every minute I spent in their classroom." She'd always striven to be a liked teacher. She felt like she'd achieved that.

"I hope so too," Marianne said softly, staring down at her hands. There'd be a time when it didn't hurt to think about it, right? She didn't think she could deal with that her entire life.

Her face as well. It fell even further, really, with the realization that she was upsetting Adria. "I - I did." She said, clenching her hands together, avoiding the blonde's gaze altogether. "I sent him a letter, but he didn't reply. Maybe he didn't get it?" Her gaze swept back to the woman, her expression pleading.

"You'll finish your date," Marianne's expression hardened slightly. She wouldn't let someone else pay for her mistake. "It's not your fault. All of this is my fault. You two shouldn't be unhappy just because I made a mistake."

"Well, that definitely would have been better than sitting in a boring old history class and listening to the professor chatter away about some tragic incident that took place in the 18th century or something," Adria scoffed and rolled her eyes good naturedly. "I know, right? And it was even worse when both the subject and teacher were bad. And some of them were just simply mean."

She pulled the brunette into a hug and told softly, "One day you will Marianne, the haunt will go away. Just know that I'm here to help, alright? I know you probably will not need me, but just in case."

"No, I hope he got it," she muttered with a sigh. "Maybe then he would not be so angry when I see him the next time. I'll talk to him and make sure he does not get mad at you, I can be very persuasive," she joked weakly and shook her head. "And hey, it is my fault too. I did respond to your actions, did I not? Even if the tiniest?"

"This is why I am not meant to be in a relationship, things always get fucked up in the end."

"It was," she grinned, throwing her wand up in the air before catching it again. "Learning about magic and stuff involved with it made school amazing. You almost didn't want to go home." Marianne shook her head, laughing. "I swear, some professors only existed to make our lives miserable. Why be a professor if you don't like kids?"

Marianne hugged her back. "It will. It - It has to." Nodding jerkily, she pulled away, smiling softly. "I'll always need you. You're my friend."

She fidgeted, glancing down at Suki for a moment as if she could get her out of this. "I just don't see why he could possibly be angry with you. You didn't do anything. The blame's squarely on me." She hunched over slightly, trying to become shorter than she already was, her brown gaze glued to ground. "If it hadn't been for me, none of this would have happened." She raised her gaze, smiling weakly, "Better be as persuasive as possible, then."

Marianne shook her head. "No they don't. Not always."

For just a second, the blonde experienced a feeling she hadn't felt before; envy. Though she had no desire to go back in time, she wished her life at school would have been something like Marianne's. Sadly enough, she always looked forward to going home and hated every second she had to spend in her school, except perhaps in classes. "That sounds really brilliant," Adria commented, her tone slightly wistful and offered a smile.

Friend. Yet another foreign word. Sure, she thought of the brunette as her friend, but to hear it out loud from the person with much emotion, made the scientist's insides turn. "Friends, we're definitely friends," she agreed wholeheartedly, believing in her own words for a change.

"I should have stopped you or something, I should have noticed the signs," she muttered helplessly. "It is fine Marianne, these things happen, yes? Please do not feel sad about it," the scientist pleaded, resisting the urge to envelope the professor in another hug. Seemed like it was becoming a ritual for them. "I will be as persuasive as I can," she stated firmly.

"Well, the ones I get together with get screwed in the end," she mumbled. "I'm used to it, though."

Oh, how she wished Logan was there with her right now.

"Yeah," she sighed, her tone just as wistful. If she could go back, for just one day, she'd leap at the chance. Everything had been so much easier before fifth year. Until that one day when it had all just fallen apart.

Marianne grinned, the simple action lighting up her face. "Good. It's nice to have friends, isn't it? Knowing that they'll be there forever." Though she'd realized that forever sometimes wasn't all that long, she treasured each moment.

"You can't blame yourself," she murmured, half finding it ironic that the last time they'd spoken, the tables had been turned. "Besides, I'm good at hiding my feelings." Her lips flitted upwards into the beginnings of a sad smirk. "Okay," she said softly, nodding her head. But she didn't think it would work. In Nate's shoes, she'd be angry, and rightfully so.

"Well, Nate's not going to be like that. I know him. I'm positive, you guys will have your happy ending." Even if I don't get mine.

The blonde wondered if she could really rely on one person forever. After all, though it wasn't that long a time period, it was considerably a lot. Even with Nate she did not want to get her hopes up. Anything could go wrong any second. But no matter what, she was still going to stay positive.

For the hope that Marianne and Nate would stick around for quite a while. "Yes, quite nice," she agreed once more, trying to offer a small smile.

"It does not really matter whose fault it was, does it? It has happened either way," Adria replied with a sigh. "He doesn't need to be too angry though, seeing as we weren't officially together at the time." She wasn't sure if she had a right to call him her 'boyfriend' even now, seeing as he hadn't asked her officially.

Honest to God, she needed to get better at these things.

"Thank you for believing that Marianne," she whispered gratefully, a real smile gracing her features. "I wish you would meet your perfect woman already, because I'm damn sure there's one out there."

Marianne smiled back. She was her friend. And she would always only be her friend. It hurt, of course it did. Every time she looked at her, she was reminded all over again about her feelings and the knowledge that Adria would never reciprocate.

But she was going to get over it. She'd done it before and she'd do it again.

"Yeah," she bit at her lip, staring down at her feet. But it was still her fault. She'd been the one to kiss her. Adria could blame herself, but she was still the one at fault. "Well that's good. Not that you weren't together then, but that he has less of a reason to get angry." But she'd still known about Nate's feelings for Adria. And she'd ignored them and done a terribly selfish thing.

"You're always welcome," Marianne said softly, grinning at Adria. "I wish she'd just hurry up and meet me." She gave her a little amused shake.

"I know one things for sure, it'll be me who brings up the topic, not him," the blonde smiled humourlessly. "After all, there is no way in hell I can get through the entire date without knowing if he's angry at me or not. And you know what, Marianne? If it is meant to be, that me and Nate will get past it and move on. Otherwise, I'm going to take it as a sign that things were meant to be different."

Normally, Adria really was not into 'leaving things to fate'. But she was sick of feeling anxious and worried about something she was not even sure of as far as the consequences were concerned. She was most of all concerned about his and the brunette's friendship. There were plenty of other girls out there, Nate could find another. But it was obvious that his and Marianne's friendship was not to be taken lightly.

She was brought out of her reverie by the professor's voice. "Well, save the best things for last, huh? Since it is taking this long, it means you are about to meet the most amazingly perfect woman for you, trust me. Or you know, trust fate or whatever," she chuckled lightly and winked at the brunette.

"Well," she rocked from foot to foot, biting on her bottom lip as she wrung her hands together. Every sign pointed directly towards the anxiety that the woman felt. "If the universe decides to like me just this once," Marianne smiled wryly. "Then you two will get over this, easy peasy." She believed it. She just didn't believe that there was room for her in it.

If Nate never forgave her, she wouldn't just be losing one friend; she'd be losing two. And Nate and Adria were such great friends. She didn't think she could bear losing them.

She laughed, grinning. "Fate'll do nice things for me, I can just tell." It was about time, wasn't it? For her to meet someone who liked her back?

"In that case, we will definitely get over it, because there is no way that the universe can't like you!" The blonde exclaimed with a grin. "I do not think it will be so easy, though. I know Nate is in love with me, and in some ways, I am with him also, though I am not sure if I can it just yet." Oh, but how badly did she want to.

Adria wished she could have just responded in kind to his confession that night, because despite the circumstances, she needed Nate in her life. She could not let him go, even if she wanted to. It was simply impossible. In a similar way how she needed Marianne as well.

"Fate is going to do fucking awesome things for you," the scientist agreed with a nod of her head. "Who knows, probably something is already brewing the moment we speak. You just need to keep your heart open, it'll all fall into place."

As she said the words, Adria wondered if it was about time to follow her own advice.

Adria's happiness was infectious, and she couldn't help but grin alongside her. "Of course it does. How can it not love me?" Letting out a tinkling little laugh, she twirled herself around, giggling. "You love each other," she murmured, blinking at Adria, the world still rather dizzy. "And love always finds a way."

A tiny smile crossed her face. She'd always believed that love, true love worked out. No matter what.

"My heart's always open," she hummed, her voice soft, though a slight edge of bittnerness crawled its way in. "It's why I'm always falling in love." She gave her head a small shake, clearing that thought. "But yeah, fate'll do wonders."

The blonde let out a small laugh at Marianne's actions and shook her head amusedly. She hadn't known the woman that very long, and so to see such a carefree side to her, was nearingly perfect. "Love also ends in tragedy, and sadly, that is sort of the concept English poets dwell on," she told softly with a ghost of a smile, as she suddenly recalled her Literature classes.

"Perhaps things'll be different this time."

"Do not say that as though it is a bad thing," Adria muttered. "Trust me when I say that it is good to keep your heart open, unlike me who keeps it locked," she smiled humourlessly. "But I am getting better thanks to Nate."

"But poets," Marianne said, humming softly. "Are depressing people. I mean really, when's the last time a poet wrote anything happy? They thrive on depressing stuff. Poets and writers." She gave her head a small shake. "They don't seem to like happy endings much, do they?"

She grinned. "That's the spirit. Positivity, right?"

She shrugged her shoulders. "Sometimes it is. Falling for practically everyone can cause problems. Trust me, it has." Marianne frowned down at her feet, remembering how many friends she'd avoided when she'd realized how she'd felt about them.

"I'd like to think that it was because they were living in depressing times," the blonde grinned lightly. "After all, it'd be hard to write happy things in the middle of war zones and murders. Not to mention, that theme must have really captured people's attention back in those days."

Adria nodded her head with a slightly forced smile, "Yes, positivity indeed."

"You know Marianne, once you meet the right person, all these feelings of regret for falling for other people will go away," she told softly. "Just know that I am not going to be that woman who's going to stop being your friend just because you like me. And I won't let you stop being my friend either," the scientist glanced at the brunette and pulled her into a hug, the firmness present in her tone.

"Still, they're paid to use their imagination," she hummed. "How hard can it be to imagine happy things?" Off the top of her head, she could list several. Probably not become overtly sucessful, but there were ideas. "People back then," she tutted, shaking her head even though her eyes sparkled brightly.

"I hope so," she murmured, chewing on her bottom lip. Regret was one of those feelings that never seemed to leave her alone. She could push it down and pretend it wasn't there, but sooner or later it'd rear its ugly head. Hugging her back, Marianne smiled softly. "Trust me, I'm not going anywhere. And you'd better not. I'd hate to have you be the first to."