Improved

Jamie knocked on Willow's door with a small smile tugging at his lips. In his left hand he held a bouquet of two dozen white roses, all of them fresh and full of life. His smile grew as he heard Willow approaching the door. He was still wearing his blackout glasses but thanks to improvements by others he could now selectively hear more than regular humans and he could use the trick Hades had taught him to 'see' using his mind. Basically he could see without using his eyes now, even if it was strangely only in black and white.

Willow heard a knock at the door and she bit her lip wondering if it was who she really wanted it to be, if it was Jamie, sliding her feet into her slippers Willow pulled on her grey dressing gown and opened the door.

It was who she had hoped it would be and all the doubts that had been in her mind faded away from her, Willow bit her lip at the flowers in his hand and oddly for her she felt just a little annoyed and upset and happy all at the same time.

"Jamie..."

She whispered.

"Where have you...where have you been?!" Willows voice crumpled and she stepped aside for him to come in.

When he'd first seen Willow, he smiled happily but at her greeting he sighed a little and nodded,

"I guess I had that question coming..." he muttered quietly as he entered her living room. Taking a tissue from a nearby box he transfigured a glass vase for the flowers. A silent water charm added the water before he put the flowers in and set them down in the centre of her table. He smiled happily at her and opened his arms wide for a hug,

"I'm sorry I was out of touch Willow..." his smile dimmed at this, "But on the bright side... I can see you again!"

Willow just looked at Jamie blinking as he walked into the house and placed the flowers in a vase newly transfigured from a tissue, biting her lip she continued to stare at him her heart beating a little faster in her chest but also tearing with the pain that she was feeling, after all this time, how could he come back and pretend nothing had happened?

"But...it's been weeks Jamie...months...you can't...you can't just do that to me you can't!"

She cried turning away from him and gulping to try and get rid of the large lump in her throat.

"What do you mean you can see me?"

He frowned a little and took a few steps closer, just stopping shy of touching her. That alone was a bit of a shock to him. He knew he loved her and he could express that love so why should he feel the need not to touch her?

Swallowing a lump that had formed in his throat he spoke in a quiet voice,

"I... I was working with Hades..." he gestured up at his eyes, "I can see through my mind's eye now. I can see everything again... well, not colours, but everything else!"

Jamie rubbed at his eyes tiredly, even through they were still closed. Gently, he placed a hand on Willow's shoulder,

"I'm sorry I was away for so long Willow." he smiled sadly, "I wanted to visit but I couldn't. I had to train my mind to levels I hadn't even thought existed. If I saw you it would have all come undone. How was I supposed to keep complete focus if the woman I love was in the same room as me?"

His smile fell a little,

"Are you alright Willow?" he frowned in concern, "I know it was wrong of me but I thought it was for the best. The best for us."

Willow turned to look at Jamie the hurt evident in her eyes, she would have been happy for him completely if she wasn't so upset. Soft tears gathered in the corners of her eyes and she moved away from him to sit on the sofa, the crumpled tissues littering the floor empty sleep potion bottles on the bedside table gave her strained condition away.

"I...I thought you had...that you didn't..."

Biting her lip she noticed him rubbing at his eyes and Willow felt the tears spill down her face why was she troubling him? Why was he here if he seemingly was so aggravated by her?

"That's great about your sight I knew you could do it...I just wish you'd told me so that I wasn't worried this whole time!!"

She knew she should mention Sam...and Willow thought that she best do it now before they got too cosy.

"And I'm really sorry but while you were away Sam kissed me and I didn't know what to do because I think I have a crush on him and I was lonely and confused so I kissed him back and I'm so sorry."

Jamie looked horrified for a moment. Did she really think that he had stopped loving her? He shook his head,

"I never stopped loving you Willow." he smiled a little more, "I don't think I ever can. You've touched my heart in such a way that no one ever has before."

He sat down on the sofa besides her with a sad smile,

"I'm sorry to make you worry about me Willow." he replied before shaking his head, "I wanted to see you but I had to finish the training first."

He frowned lightly at the breathless way Willow told him what had happened, mainly because he couldn't follow it at first. Once it dawned on him his face visibly fell and he felt his heart stop beating. The colour drained from his face and he opened his mouth to speak. All that came out was a quiet, weak and strangled sound. Closing his mouth he felt his eyes begin to tear up and he closed them tightly to keep from letting tears roll down his cheek. He didn't know... he didn't know how to feel about this.

A large part of him still loved her with all it's might but there were other emotions. Anger. Why hadn't she waited for him? He'd gone against the Devil to be with her and she kissed another man? Confusion. She said she had a crush on him... did she love him now? Did not love him anymore?

In the end he turned his head away slightly and put his head in his hands. After a few moments of silence he spoke the question that had been pressing against his mind since she told him,

"Do you love him?"

Willow looked at the heartbroken expression on Jamie's face and her own heart broke too, she had known that she had done wrong by him and that she wanted to fix that and if that meant she needed to leave him is Jamie wanted her too then she would. Willow felt like she had been dirty, like she wasn't worthy of Jamies touch and his affection any more.

"I...I'm so sorry please...I know I've hurt you and I've been dreading telling you and if you want me to leave and never come back I understand really I do..."

She whispered looking at the floor instead of his eyes afraid that her own tears would only increase, this was a time that Willow did not like about Jamie she often ended up getting upset over him, over the difficulties in their relationship only this time it was her fault.

"No! I don't love him I love you!"

Willow cried.

"I only did it because I was overwhelmed by what he was doing, I didn't know that he would do what he did and I'm surprised and ashamed that I continued it...I love you Jamie...I know you wont believe me but I do...and I'm sorry."

He tried to respond to her but it felt like his throat was about half the size that it should be. No matter how hard he tried he couldn't seem to force himself to speak again as she spoke to him. He wanted to forgive her. He wanted to shout at her in anger. He wanted to kill whoever she'd kissed. He wanted to be happy with her again!

But he wasn't sure that he could.

He loved her. It was all consuming. His love for her was what had pulled him through the pain of their first encounters. It was his love for her that made blindness acceptable to him, just for the feel of her touch. His love for her had been what had allowed him to disconnect himself from Satan and be free from his past mistakes. He loved her with his entire being.

And that's what made this situation so difficult.

Sitting there stiffly, he cried silently as the righteous anger raged against his undying love for her. Using all of his courage he turned to her, his mind's eye view unburdened by tears. He spoke his thoughts as they came to him,

"I...I gave you everything I could Willow... I..." he choked here a little before continuing, "My brothers don't trust me fully... because my loyalty to you came first over them... I gave up my brothers for you."

He closed his eyes,

"I was so happy with you Willow... I thought that I didn't deserve it." he stood up from the sofa shakily, "I see now that I didn't ever deserve it."

Standing there, his chest heaving with the effort to keep from sobbing like a baby, Jamie turned towards the door,

"I love you so much Willow." he breathed out heavily, "I gave you my body. I gave you my mind. I gave you my heart. I... I gave you my soul, Willow."

He stopped heaving for a second,

"Did I not make you happy enough Willow?"

Willow bit her lip and her own tears began to fall thicker and faster spilling down her cheeks and she tried to wipe them away but more replaced them, so, choosing to leave it she moved towards Jamie trying to calm him down but not knowing if her touch would aggrivate him more, when she heard that he had given up the relationship that he had with his brothers for her Willow sobbed loudly and placed her head in her hands it was all a stupid mistake and now she was loosing him.

"I'm so sorry Jamie...I'm so so sorry..."

As Jamie stood up from the sofa Willow sobbed again, this was it, he was getting up and leaving her for good and her heart that still loved him was beating slowly in her chest.

"Please...don't go...you deserve me, you deserve more than me, and because of that, you should leave me if that is what you wish, this is what I deserve for forsaking my love for you, for selling myself around...I'm sorry."

She wiped at her eyes, looking softly up into Jamies own wanting nothing but to wrap her arms around him and hold him tight one last time before he left her.

"You made me so happy Jamie, but, when you left for that month it was the worst of my life, I didn't know what had happened to you, you could have left me, you could have died you could have stopped loving me, you could have been with another girl any of those things! And I'm sorry...that in my confusion I did something to hurt you...but you have always made me happy..."

Biting her lip she whispered.

"If you're leaving...might I...might I have one last kiss goodbye? Please...."

Jamie turned to her at the idea of her selling herself around. It made him angry. He didn't believe for a second that she had been selling herself. It reminded him of what he knew about her ex and that made him angrier. He looked her straight in the eyes,

"Don't put yourself down like that Willow." he told her firmly, despite his still conflicting emotions, "If I'm so good, good enough to deserve to be happy with you, then don't insult the woman that I fell in love with. Don't insult yourself."

He swallowed hard at what he knew to be true. The month he'd spent away from her had hurt the both of them so much. For him the absence had made the love stronger but for Willow it had seemed like being abandoned. Did he drive her away in an effort to bring her closer? He didn't know anymore.

"I'm glad." he decided after a few moments, "I'm glad that I made you happy, even if I also made you so sad. So... hurt."

A few tears slid down his cheeks and he shook his head,

"I don't know if I can just leave Willow..." he admitted out loud for the first time, the tears coming freely now, "I love you so much that I ache just to hold you again... but I know a part of me... a part of me doesn't think it could stay with you."

Breaking down, he sank back onto the sofa, leaning forwards with his head in his hands as he cried,

"I don't want to leave you... I want to love you... I do love you..."

Willow stopped sobbing for a while when Jamie told her to stop selling herself short, gulping down the lump in her throat she tried to talk and she tried to make sure that Jamie knew again just how much that she loved him, she didn't want him to leave, she loved him so much and she loved him in return Willow didn't want to loose one of the most amazing men she had ever met...not like this.

"O-o-okay Jamie I wont."

She whispered tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

"You really did make me happy, you would be making me happy now, in fact you are, by the fact you haven't left yet...I don't want you to leave I want to try and fix this and I will fix it if you let me, I'll do anything you want me to Jamie just to prove how sorry I am to show you how much I still love you and how much I regret what I did..."

Willow at the statement that Jamie wanted to hold her moved slowly towards him and lay her head on his chest winding her arms around his waist and hugging him close to her, the closeness both healing and hurting her heart.

"If you don't think you can be with me...please go..."

His expression softened somewhere between a smile and the face that he made when he was crying,

"I love you Willow." he looked away for a second, "That makes you the best and worst thing in my world. It makes you my entire world."

At hearing that she wanted to fix their relationship. At hearing that she still wanted to be with him... Jamie broke down a little more and cried harder even as she hugged him and asked him to leave if he felt uncomfortable with her. He hugged her back desparately, sobbing into her shoulder,

"I-I-I can't be without you!" he managed to get out between sobs, "I love you too much!"

Willow didn't see his expression soften because she was snuggling into his chest however she did feel him hug her closer and begin to cry harder, this was not what Willow wanted to happen by her confession of pure love for him and she didn't know what to do, instead she just hugged him tighter and she was going to kiss his cheek but stopped and moved her lips away in case he didn't want to be touched with them anymore.

"I love you too Jamie...and I'm sorry...again...I'm going to be saying sorry a lot..."

Reaching her hand up to play with Jamie's hair as he sobbed even harder onto her shoulder Willow gulped back a sob and tried to remain strong for Jamie to lean upon her, after all, it was the least she could do.

"You want to stay with me? Really?"

Jamie closed his eyes when he saw what Willow had been about to do, when he saw he go to kiss him and turn away. Taking a deep, shuddering breath, he reached up and ran a hand through her hair, looking off into the distance behind her aimlessly,

"Can I ask you not to be sorry?" he asked suddenly, tilting her head up to look at him so she could see the beginnings of a smile, "'Don't say sorry, just don't do it again.' My mom used to say that. I think it applies here too."

He stiffened for a moment, his mind whirling, before he nodded, his movement straight into Willow's chest,

"Yes..." he announced after a few seconds, "Oh god... yes... forever."

Willow listened carefully to Jamie as he spoke the hand that ran through her hair made her shudder happily she enjoyed the closeness that they were sharing because she thought that she might never have it again, that after all of this Jamie still might decide to leave her and every touch made Willow so so happy.

"I...I can try. But you know me it will take me a while to not feel so bad about what I did..."

As she looked into his face Willow saw that Jamie was beginning to smile and she too felt her heart lift a little.

"I am glad to hear that because I want to be with you forever, because I love you Jamie so very very much."

Willow bit her lip and moved her head up to peck Jamie's cheek.

"I would kiss you but I do not know if you would like it."

Jamie cupped the side of Willow's face in his hand gently, pulling his head up from where it rested on her chest to rest his forehead against hers. He smiled faintly,

"I know. You have a tendancy to act like a mistreated house elf." he frowned a little, "By the way, can you try not doing that? It's really hard to watch you eat away at yourself."

Her brightening face kept the weak smile on his own,

"I know you do Willow." he kissed her forehead lightly, "I know you do."

At being kissed on the cheek, Jamie smiled a little more before kissing her lightly on the lips,

"I'm okay with kissing you Willow." he chuckled, "You are my Willow after all."

As Jamie rested his forehead on her own Willow giggled lightly and gave him an eskimo kiss letting her bright brown eyes look into Jamie's own, her heart felt a little better, a lot stronger and her in herself felt better for telling Jamie what had happened she didn't want to keep things from him and she was glad that she didn't.

"Errrm it might take a couple of years...but I will try to stop eventually."

Smiling softly Willow ran a hand through Jamie's hair, playing with it lightly.

"I am glad, I do like kissing you Jamie."

Pressing her lips to his once more Willow smiled as she pulled away, thoroughly enjoying the kiss.

"Yes I am yours, and I always will be."

His smile grew a little stronger at the innocence of the eskimo kiss. It was proof, if any was needed, that Willow was just as innocent as always. He gently placed a soft kiss on her lips,

"That's all I ask." he smiled, "And I'll help."

Jamie closed his eyes a little,

"I love kissing you." he smiled, "It was all I thought about when I was away."

He kissed her lightly again,

"I'm glad to hear that." he nodded lightly, "You have no idea how much I'm glad of that."

Willow smiled happily and she moved to hug Jamie to her, she lay her head on his chest and snuggled it into his shirt just liking being close to him after so long the worries melting away the worry that he didn't love her, the worry that he had found someone else and the worry she had about kisssing Sam and whether to tell him or not.

"Thank you Jamie, I'd like to stop being such a pushover."

Winding her fingers through his hair Willow continued to hug Jamie.

"Well you can kiss me to your hearts content now my love."

And just to prove a point she leant up towards him and kissed Jamie soundly on the lips, letting the kiss last a little longer than the ones before and her hand still playing with his hair as they kissed.

One of Jamie's arms wrapped around Willow's body to pull her close while he used the other one to begin idly playing with her hair. Smiling he kissed her on the forehead,

"You were never a pushover Willow." his smile grew, "You were just a little bit too nice to everyone you met."

Jamie kissed her back, his finger splayed out in her hair to cradle her head as he kissed her soundly back. When he broke the kiss he went back to playing with her hair,

"Well let's not do that." he winked, "We might not ever leave this appartment if it's to my heart's content."

Willow smiled softly as Jamie hugged her closer to him, it was amazing that he had forgiven her, she of course would have done so had the situations been reversed but she didn't think that Jamie would be able to, but much to her delight he had been and things were just like they had been before she had told him all of that with Sam.

"I enjoy being nice, but there is a cut off point that I need to establish, sometimes I help people even if it hurts myself to do so...I know that is not healthy but I cannot help it."

The kiss that they shared was wonderful, tilting her head to make it slightly more passionate Willow purred happily as Jamie pulled away nuzzling her head into his hand.

"Mmmmm hair...."

Willow purred.

He rested his forehead against hers with a small smile,

"You wouldn't be the woman I fell in love with if you did change that much." he observed before kissing her nose, "But I'll be around to make sure you don't get hurt."

The comment made the point of showing Jamie how surreal this entire situation was. He laughed brightly before kissing her again, with enough passion that he was sure that her toes curled a little, before breaking away with a grin,

"I just realised how odd I'm acting..." he chuckled, "I'm being so accepting of you. It's a sign."

He played with her hair as he kissed her lightly on the lips,

"It's a sign that this is true love for me."

Willow nodded in agreement, she would do a lot of things for love, she would even try and change who she was but then it would mean that the person Jamie fell in love with wasn't the same and then their relationship would have completely changed, it would cause a lot more trouble and it might not even work.

"I see your point. But I will want to change for you. If you want me to."

She blushed a little bit and nodded Willow too had been surprised.

"I didn't expect you to take it this well..."

Biting her lip she snuggled against him and wound her arms tighter around Jamie not wanting him to let her go ever again, she didnt' want to be without him for that long again.

"I'm glad that you did. I love you too Jamie."

He smiled a little more and gave her an eskimo kiss before kissing her lips gently,

"Listen to me Willow..." he stroked her cheek, "You don't have to change a thing for me. Ever."

Jamie shook his head a little with the same contented smile that he'd had before he kissed her again. Deciding that it had been far too long since he'd kissed her, some five seconds, he kissed her again before breaking it with a small tug at her bottom lip with his teeth,

"How could I ever be mad at you my love?" he asked her, honestly not sure about how he could be, "I love you so I'll forgive you almost anything."

Wrapping his arms around her protectively he nodded a little,

"I'm glad you do Willow. Makes this wonderful feeling mutual."