Dream a Little Dream of Me

Tre slipped into the room through the window once more, the sound of the rain and thunder covering his steps. He slid the window closed behind him, slipping out of his leather jacket easily and rolling his shoulders. He was getting entirely too used to being here.

He was almost completely sure that on some level she was aware of his presence, the way that he needed to slip inside her room and just... just...

Hold her.

Discarding his wet clothes and standing in basketball shorts and a muscle shirt, he slipped into the bed beside her, curling around her and wrapping an arm around her waist, lifting her head to slide his arm under it. As he relaxed, a sigh of relief left him.

He'd missed this. Being with her.

"I love you, you know." He whispered. "So so much. And I miss you..." He hummed softly, his hold on her tightened. "I didn't want to let you go. I didn't-" His breath caught in his throat, and he pressed a kiss to her temple.

A thunderstorm was an odd combination for Ash. While the constant pounding of rain on the roof above her had always lulled her into sleep, the sound one of the only things she always found soothing, the loud rumbles of thunder had recently become almost too much for her unpredictable nerves.

As it was, she had managed to get herself into a fitful sleep, ignoring the low rolls as they were off in the distance; she was hardly even aware of the other form crawling in beside her, or how her tense muscles relaxed slightly as she cuddled against him.

Still as the storm strengthened, and grew closer even the added comfort of Tre - unconsciously noticed - could keep her from jolting awake with a soft squeak. She swallowed hard, and tried to keep her breathing level as lightning pitched the room bright, lengthening the shadows on her, before plunging her back into darkness.

She gritted her teeth, and closed her eyes, breathing in deeply through her noise, repeating one thing in her head, trying to convince herself of the truth desperately.

Its just a storm.

"Shh..." He soothed, quite sure she was still dreaming. "It's only a storm." He pressed a kiss into the skin of her shoulder, his arm tightening around her as he closed his eyes and relaxed. "I won't let it get you." He pulled her into his chest, humming softly and nuzzling his nose into the crook of her neck.

"Nothing's gonna harm you... not while I'm around..." He sang softly, comfortingly into her skin, golden eyes staying shut.

Great now she was going insane too, imagining that the boy was there when... when...

She didn't even care.

"But," she muttered softly, still focusing on her breathing, on keeping it even, trying not to panic. "I-I don't like storms. They're loud, and I can't hear... I can't hear whats coming."

She didn't even care if she was talking to a dream, a figment of her imagination. If it sounded like Tre then...

Ashleen took a deep breath, leaninging into him, letting the voice drift in and sink into her brain.

"You're not around," she mumbled sleepily, "Not for me... you left... you don't-don't want me."

His hold on her tightened, and for a moment he was silent. She was- but he couldn't let her think that. Whether it would hurt him later or not.

"What did I tell you?" He murmured, eyes glowing gold. "I'd never actually leave you. I'm not strong enough." He tugged her toward him, rolling her to face him, too tired of being away from her to think of the consequences.

"Listen here and listen good, Ashleen Marie D'Angelo." He said, his voice gaining a thick iron undertone that had almost never been there before - that belied the fact that he what he was about to say was the absolute truth. "I have never, not for a second, stopped wanting you. When I told you I love you, did you think I was lying? That I was leading you on?" The anger in his voice was trumped by the disbelief, the betrayal. "For your information, I've always been there. I'd never trust your safety on these people and I never will. Just because you can't see me..."

He sat up, pulling away and looking away from her. "Do you have any idea how many times I've saved you? Though the drowning was obvious, I'd think you'd know I'd never be far - I-I promised to never leave you. Don't you think that means something?!" His eyes darkened before lightening again, gold as he rose from the bed, moving toward the window. He paused there, looking out at the rain.

"If I go for real now, you probably won't even notice the difference."

"I always notice when you're gone."

In silence she had listened, her heart jumping with hope, crashing with pain as she listened to each and every word. She could hardly believe - he had been, been...

"Don't you get it?" she looked at him, eyes sparkling as she swallowed back whatever emotions were threatening to cut off her words. "You... you got to-to run off, or whatever you did, but if you did what you said... you never stopped seeing me. Every time you felt for it... you knew where to find me. I had no idea where you were... for-for months."

She honestly had no conscious idea of how many days he had disappeared for, everything about those days melding into one blur. Sitting up straighter, the thunder still rumbling over her voice, she pulled her knees into her chest, hugging them protectively.

"There was so much... so much in my head- I didn't, I had no idea what was going on, I could just see... see them and they way they... they looked, they wanted... I didn't know it was you. I just knew I didn't want- want anyone like them to ever-ever..."

Her voice wavered and then died. She began rocking ever so slightly.

"By the time I figured out... by the time everything... stopped, you were already gone... and I think I just lost it again. I wanted to believe... I wanted to-to..." she shook her head.

"But I was already falling before you left... once-once you weren't there... who else was there to catch me?"

"No no no no." Tre turned on his heel, and stalked toward her, glaring at her. "You will not put this on me." He stood before her bed, towering over her, his eyes golden with hurt. "In case you don't remember why I left, it seemed to me that you wanted space." His cheek still stung when he thought about it, and sometimes he could still hear it resound through the room. "You can't drive me away and expect me to- to- always come back, you know!" The fact of the matter - the fact of the lie - glowed in his eyes. If he didn't always come back...

He wouldn't be Tre.

He belonged to Ash, just as she belonged to him. There was nothing anyone could do about that, not even them.

"I didn't know it was you!"

The thunder drowned out the girls desperate screech from being over heard in other rooms, but in the one they were in her strained voice seemed to fill every square inch of the room with its desperation.

Her hands shook as she fidgeted slightly, trying to get a better grip on herself, pulling her knees tighter into her chest, trying to ignore everything that was swirling in her head, pounding against her skull like the droplets of rain against the window.

But that was just the problem. She had been ignoring it for far too long - rejecting everyone's help, and trying to make them believe she was okay; she had never really fooled anyone close to her...

She had only managed to fool herself.

Until now.

"I did-didn't want space; I didn't- I don't blame you, don't you see? Its me its always... always me. I'm too, too I'm broken, I'm deranged... I can't even keep track of who's- who anyone anymore..."

Lightening struck again, brightening the room for a moment, and throwing the girl into light; the harsh glow made her already pale face, seem even more so, her dark hair rumbled from tossing and turning; the skin under her eyes was dark from lack of sleep, and if one would look at her just right, they could notice the slightly hollow look coming into her face as she slowly dropped weight from a refusal to eat more than a meal a day.

All of that, though, was nothing compared to the eyes. Bright blue as always, glistening in the light, they glowed with a dark haunted look - a crazy look, she called it, every time she caught sight of it in the mirror. The only thing that kept reminding her, that despite what she told herself, she wasn't okay.

"I scare myself Tre."

Her voice had dropped once more, it was less than a whisper. The only thing that told anyone else that she wasn't talking to herself was the fact that she said his name.

"Do you know what I was thinking when I was pulled out of the water? Do you?" she turned that haunted gaze onto the boy, never wavering as it tunneled at him, as she finally admitted everything she had been keeping inside for far too long. Her voice which had gone up in pitch near dropped once more. "I was thinking maybe it wouldn't be so bad to stay there... it was calm down there... peaceful; it wouldn't have been such a bad way to d-"

She squeaked off the last word, closing her eyes, and tugging her knees in even tighter. Impossibly so. She wanted to stop - she didn't want to admit these things, she didn't want them to be true but as she sat there, they just kept coming out of her mouth.

"I found a blade the other day, I don't know where it came from... who put it there, it didn't really matter. I just saw it and thought... would it be so bad if I just..." she swallowed hard, shaking her head. Her eyes were still closed. She could see the scene perfectly in her mind. The blade, new and shiny had glinted so. She didn't see the problem with just taking it and..."I was going to do it, I really was - I had it on my wrist. I thought to myself... if I just move my hand ever so slightly, just-just one cut. It wouldn't... it wouldn't hurt too bad, it would just be enough to-to maybe stop everything in my head. To maybe prove that I could still feel... feel... something."

She sat silent for a long time, taking a deep breath, the only sound in the room was the beating of rain against the window.

A summer storm.

"I-I don't need space Tre," she finally said in that soft, soft voice. "I need help."

He'd stopped moving. His shoulders hunched, her words washing over him like scalding water. He was so foolish. To think one of them could survive without the other. Selfish. Some people didn't want to be put out of their misery. Some wanted to well in it, took comfort in the familiarity of the pain. He was starting to wonder if he was one such person.

His back was still to her, but as she kept talking, his eyes were fading, the idea of a world without her turning his irises to a deep, dark, onyx. Something different was happening this time, the darkness spreading from his irises to cover his entire eye. "No." His voice was harsh, his eyes still on the rain, though he was acutely aware of every movement she made.

Lightning flashed, and for the briefest moment, his shadow had a strange dual addition, and when it flashed again, the shadows had risen, the unique design flitting over Ash's face before it was dark again. "You can't leave me here alone." He said, his voice darkening. "I don't know what I'd become without you." He turned his head toward her, his eyes still as dark as the shadows themselves. Lightning flashed again, and he was beside her, caressing her cheek. "I won't go again. You only have to say it." He gently pulled her chin up, meeting her eyes with his onyx colored gaze.

"I will never leave your side again. You only have to ask."

The shadows danced, with each flash of lightening, dancing across the room and her face, but she wasn't focusing on them, her mind was lost on his voice. She swallowed hard, her mind still racing, her whole body shaking.

As he faced her, she blinked at his eyes... so dark, how did they get so dark? They should be- should be-

She leaned into his touch, aching for it for so long. Her hand reached up to catch his but her actions slow, and his already gone.

Despite how dark they were, they were still Tre, still familiar, even when they were wrong. She never let her gaze leave his.

"Don't leave me," her voice was so quite, but strong, begging. "Please, don't do it."

“I won’t leave you.” He promised softly, his eyes lightening the slightest bit as his hands cupped her face. “Not again.” Leaning toward her, he brushed his lips against hers, intending to be chaste, but ending up quite the opposite.

The kiss stank of loneliness. He never had fooled himself; he knew how much he’d missed her. How much he’d regretted leaving. Slipping into her window had never been enough, but it had been all he had.

He just wanted to make sure she was real.

Lips moving against hers, he leaned into her, wanting to get as close as physically possible - closer than physically possible - until no one would be able to tell the difference in their beings. Not even them.

The shaking, and all the swirling in her head that had caused the uncontrolable motion, stopped the second that he was back against her. She could feel him there, existing, she could prove this wasn't some twist of her slowly melting mind.

Leaning into him with enough force to knock them both back, locked her lips on his, kissing back with an intensity born of a fear of never being able to do this again, a fear of being abandonded.... a fear of a life without Tre.

"I love you," she murmured against his lips, slowing down, catching her breath. She continued to kiss him softly, moving away for a moment to breath, to talk, and then kissing him again. "Remember that. Whatever stupid - stupid things I do, I love you. So don't. leave me."

Kissing him one more time, this one long and lingering she pulled away, to snuggle her head into his chest, feeling it rise and fall beneath her, hearing every heartbeat. A content smile began to tug at the corners of her lips. He was really there, with her.

As it should be.