Morning Glory

Faye stood in the enterance hall and looked about her. It was as mundane a place as any other... though as she glanced around she couldn't help but think... remember ... this was one of the places that her illness first really started to take hold of her. She had just felt so... tired...

She shook her head, and attempted to push those thoughts away. She'd be fine. That's what she was telling herself.

That's what she had to tell herself.

Holding her book bag closer to herself, she bit her lip as she glanced towards the Great Hall. She knew she should go have breakfast ... socialize with the other people, eat... but she wasn't hungry, and couldn't bring herself to bother to pretend she was.

So instead she stood where she was, looking about her, wondering just where she wanted to go.

Humming to himself, Afonka made his way downstairs, his stomach growling slightly. He was hungry, he'd decided, and the stash of chocolate that Feliks and Pandora had helped him get were only making him even more hungry.

Sighing softly, he suddenly found himself outside of the Great Hall. About to enter, he noticed a young blonde standing outside the entrance hall. Watching her curiously for a moment, he headed towards her. Waving awkwardly, he smiled, "Hi, are - are you alright?"

Faye blinked up at the voice, looking at an older boy who was standing in front of her.

"Oh," she breathed after a moment, before smiling slightly. "Yes.. I actually am. I just... didn't know where I wanted to go this morning."

Pausing a moment, she hitched her book bag again, and held out her hand, "I'm Faye."

Smiling back at her, Afonka nodded slightly, "Oh, that's good. Good that you're alright." he clarified, nodding again, "Because not knowing what you want to do can be annoying."

Shaking her hand, he smiled again, "That's a pretty name. I'm Afonka."

"Yes, that is rather irksome, isn't it," she said softly. Ignoring the alright comment for it would be good, if she was completely alright. It was good that she did not feel bad right now but...

Even deciding not to dwell on what she figured she could not control, could not stop part of her brain always reminding her.

Faye blushed and took her hand back, "Thank you. I like Afonka... it is fun to say."

"It can be," Afonka inclined his head, feeling momentarily wise, "But I've made a lot of friends that way, so it can't be all that bad."

Grinning at her slightly, he said, "You're welcome. And thank you. I guess it is a lot of fun to say."

Faye smiled slightly, "I supposed it can't be will it. Though at the moment it makes you feel rather unstable."

"Well it is fun - Affoonkaaa, fonnkaa," she laughed a little to herself before blushing. "Sorry... sometimes I get a little..."

"I guess that's true," Afonka nodded, "And feeling unstable just feels weird. It makes you feel like you're going to just - erm - you know - be unstable." he finished lamely, laughing softly at himself.

"It's alright." he waved an arm in her direction softly, "I know the feeling."

She smile kindly and laughed, "It makes you feel as if you're going to fall over... and sometimes that feeling doesn't make sense, and yet, you just can't shake it, and you just stand there trapped by things that don't make sense buts still..."

"Good, that means I'm not the only one then."

"It's sort of like having eaten a lot of candy, and having so much energy that you just don't know what to do with yourself." Nodding, Afonka spread his arms out wide expressively.

"You've never the only one." he grinned.

Faye gave a slight smile, "Do you eat too much candy often?" Faye couldn't she she had ever experienced too much candy eating - she had never really had the opportunity to over splurge on anything.

"I don't know," she gave a small smile meanign to sound joking, but her tone falling a little short, "some times it feel like I am."

"I'm not actually allowed candy." Afonka shrugged sadly, "But every once in a while I break that rule and go a little crazy." eyes widening as he remembered, he grinned, "It was nuts. But totally worth it."

Looking at her worriedly, he leaned closer and softly patted her shoulder, "If you ever want to talk, I'll be here."

"Wow," she gave a little giggle, "I imagine it would be. Maybe you should be kept of sugar more often."

She bit her lip and smiled, "Thank you but.... you don't want to hear about my life and problems. They're not that interesting."

"Yeah, I guess so." Afonka pouted slightly. "But it was so good. So," he began slowly, his eyes lighting up, "I'll eat less next time."

Watching her carefully, he shook his head softly, "That doesn't mean they're not important. Everybody's problems are."

"Yes - maybe you should just ration yourself. Eat a little bit all the time instead of a whole bunch at once," she smiled at him. "That sounds good yes?"

"True, but - I'm sure everyone has their own problems they don't need to worry about mine," she smiled sadly.

"It does." Afonka said, looking at her with an awestruck grin. "That is genius."

"But - but people should be. I mean - there have to be people who care about you, and they don't not have the time to care about your problems."

Faye laughed a little, "Well I do have my moments."

"Oh, I supposed people care," she said, smiling softly. "Tre seems to... and Roman..." she smiled softly to herself at the later name. "I just sometimes do not wish to bother anyone with it."

"You do." Afonka nodded, smiling.

"Ooh, I know Roman," Afonka said, smiling at the mention of his friend, "We met inn the common room. He's a great guy."

Faye smiled at the boy, "Do you? He really is - isn't he."

She bit her lip amd bounced as she thought about Roman.

"He's so kind and generous,and - I simple love him" she said before blushing and stuttering, "I mean I'm not in love with him, that would be... well maybe but... were too young to know - I mean I am.. or was.. orr..."

She gave a weak smile and hung her head. How did she get herself into these kinds of messes?

"He is." Afonka said simply, grinning.

Listening to Faye, his grin widened, suddenly thinking of Tessa, "I know how you feel Faye." he began blushing, shaking his head softly, "There's a girl - Tessa, my - my girlfriend." He giggled softly, not used to describing her as his girlfriend, "And - and I do love her." Blushing, he grinned again, "She's sweet and kind and - and perfect."

Faye smiled at the boy, "Thats really nice - have you told her? I'm sure she'd love to hear it. You know... people never say those kinds of things nearly enough."

She turned her gaze to a window, high up in the stone wall as she thought.

"I think I might love him... or have a chance to love him - with more time," she spoke softly, a smile on her face but eyes rather sad. "But you know... its probably not fair of me to do that too him; he deserves someone... whos not like me."

"I haven't." Afonka admitted, smiling at Faye, "But I will." he nodded in confirmation, "The - the next time I see her, I'll tell her." blushing furiously, he rubbed his cheeks softly.

Watching Faye curiously, he shook his head, "There's nothing wrong with you Faye. I don't see how you loving him isn't fair for him."

Faye nodded her head, "Good - I'm sure if she's as good as you claim her to be she'll love to hear it."

She smiled to herself, before she glanced at the boy and shook her head.

"Well I suppose its okay for me to love him... its not like it would make much of a difference what I feel once I'm..." she bit her lip and shook her head, "But for me to let him - that makes me sounds... - but if he were to... It wouldn't really be fair would it - when I can't guarantee that I won't..."

"She's - she's better than I can possibly say." Afonka grinned, still blushing as he sighed happily.

Staring at her as she spoke, he frowned, his brow dressing. What - what was she talking about? Tilting his head, he kept his gaze on her as he tool a cautious step forward, "When you can't gaurantee that you won't what?"

Faye stared at the boy for a long moment, eyes widening slightly, face turning pale, before she looked away.

Why did she say that? This boy didn't need to know her problems, he probably did not want to hear. He did not want to hear her sob story - her depressing end. He was just being kind. As soon as she said, he will have wished she hadn't.

But he had asked. And now that her brain was in motion she wanted to try - it was like a dare to herself. Could she actually say it? Outloud? Sure she had said it to her parents, but that had been different she had been angry - her tone, hurt and bitter seemed to protect her from the truth.

But to say it right now?

She chose a spot on the wall, far ahead of her and looked at it as she spoke.

"When," her voice was low, weak, almost as if the words were getting stuck in her throat, "when I can't guarentee I won't die."